Commercial from Mexico

http://www. youtube. com/watch?v=G3b0ElUv8eg

Follow the link. It´s worth it. Trust me.

I'm sure some people think that I'm extra lonely just because I can't go to the orphanage everyday. Others (or some of the same) probably think I'm hiding out here, not wanting to accept the reality of life, and that I'm trying to be stubborn so I can have my own way.

Well, here's the truth.

Almost everyday, I take the girls to Grimac. Sometimes, they stay in the car so they can spend some one-on-one time with me and tell me about their problems. When I'm teaching, the students always talk to me during the breaks. Just the other day, one girl came into the other classroom just to bring me into theirs. After school, I often give the kids rides home - including ones that don't live at the orphanage and live 2-3 miles away.

I have also started teaching English to a couple of the other teachers at my high school. It's good to talk about our problem students and chat with them a bit.

I frequent the Internet Cafe like it's going out of style. It's owned and worked by the same people who have a laundromat next door, so when they are in the laundromat, people always ask me for help, how to print, and whether or not there are pencils for sale. During the off time, I talk with Moncoyo (?) about life and even about our faith. Even though he's not a "Christian" or "Catholic", I appreciate his honesty of where he's at and especially how he says "Thanks be to God" after every time he says he's doing good. Besides getting hit on by him (almost every time I frequent), he's a good (adult) friend. I also like going so I can keep up with everyone else at home. (If you get a short e-mail - it's cuz he won't shut up and it's too hard to read in English while I'm listening and talking in Spanish.)

In the beginning, I came here for the orphanage. During my time here, I realized there's a lot of other people that are needy too. The kids in town asked how often I would return to visit when I wanted to run away from my problems and go to AZ immediately after the decision was made. But, after fluke circumstances, I stayed. I have been able to saturate myself in the word of God, saturate Jesus in prayer, and allow myself to be re-taught the realities of life and how I need to be. Now, part of this is credited to good authors like Donald Miller (Blue Like Jazz), John and Stasi Elderedge (Captivating) and now Jim Palmer (Divine Nobodies). Yet, it's more been by God Himself.

God is good and He is working in my life. I'm still making mistakes but I will learn the lessons - eventually. Yes, I am stubborn, but I want to make sure that I am not running from my problems, but that I am facing them head on - allowing myself to be punished and have a retreat with God that I so desperately needed. Then, if and when God tells me to return, I will go. But, for right now, I will just try to love on the people and animals (see how I've changed) that He has in my life here and now.

Update....

I went to the orphanage this weekend. It was great to see Patty, Shannon, and Anthony. Saturday, I woke up at 6:20... same as everyday. Usually, I pray for Humberto for 20 minutes before he starts school and wakes up (which is 6:40 for both - he´s a boy, and he doesn´t really get ready). Yet, on Saturday, I started praying and getting ready knowing that I got to go to the orphanage really soon. Well, no more than 15 minutes later, Humberto, Guada, Juan Carlos, and Bob came to the house. Humberto and Bob actually got permission to play soccer! Praise God for this extra special surprise and present! Oh, and they brought us flowers - so amazingly sweet. They´re still in my kitchen nearing the end of their life.

The boys ate breakfast at the house, all lost their games in soccer, ate lunch at the house like crazy fools, devoured the mango ice cream (amazingly good), and then we headed over to CdE.

I can´t even express to you the emotions I had as I entered the property. I was so blessed, the kids were so excited to see me - as I was them. They all heard about how I wasn´t Humberto´s sponsor anymore and asked me if I was going to sponsor anyone else. Both Humberto and I told them that we are family and that it doesn´t matter if I am technically his sponsor or not because he is mine for life. It was really cute to hear him say that we´re family to the kids. He actually told me he loved me both days... in English of course so the other kids can´t overhear and understrand. His English is getting really good. He was talking in it alot this weekend.

Seeing all of the different kids was too much to handle. I was fearful to enjoy it too much and run up to all of them and give them hugs and kisses - I did to some, don´t get me wrong. Yet, there´s a part of me that was scared to enjoy it too much in case they were going to take Humberto away from me and then tell me that there´s no reason for me to be on the property again... I was just too stressed out and straight out scared that I would never be able to come back. At this point, I never know exactly what they are thinking to be completely at peace. I have peace in God, but not in man... and reading a lot in the old testament... (I´m now in 1 Chronicles), I know how much people can be disobedient. I also know from experience unfortunately.

Anyway, on Sunday, I had a meeting with Gabby (Manuel´s wife). I asked for another opportunity to show them how much I respect them and that I have the ability to follow the rules. She said that the board has to decide if I can go there everyday (even just for an hour or two) and if I can still be Jesus´s sponsor. So, pray for the board. I am very happy with how our meeting went, she thanked for me understanding and I think we´re both on the same page now. Praise the Lord.

I´ve had a lot of time to read lately, so I have been enjoying reading the peneteuch... I just finished Joshua this morning, so I will start Judges this afternoon. :)

Anywho.... Here´s some "have you ever wondered" questions for you:

• Why did God have them count all the people in the tribes... not just once but twice? (Afterall, he knows the number of hairs on our heads)
• Why did God have them blow the trumpets in Numbers 10:9 "so he would remember them"? He was even hovering over them in a cloud by day and fire by night during this time... God was in their presence.
• God has a sense of humor...and a funny sense of anger... Did you ever notice the verse where God says "and you shall eat meat until it comes out of your nostrils" (Numbers 11:20)

This is why I now understand why the Pharisees were the way they were....

• If you got spit on by your father, then you had to spend 7 days outside of camp because you were considered unclean.
• Someone was stoned to death for picking up sticks on the Sabbath (Num. 16:32-35)
• Miriam got leprosy for talking crap. (Num. 12)
• People were killed for complaining, lighting fires (Lev. 10), and getting too close to the mountain.

One more thing... Have you ever noticed Deut. 21:10-14?

10“When you go out to war against your enemies, and the LORD your God delivers them into your hand, and you take them captive, 11 and you see among the captives a beautiful woman, and desire her and would take her for your wife, 12 then you shall bring her home to your house, and she shall shave her head and trim her nails. 13 She shall put off the clothes of her captivity, remain in your house, and mourn her father and her mother a full month; after that you may go in to her and be her husband, and she shall be your wife. 14 And it shall be, if you have no delight in her, then you shall set her free, but you certainly shall not sell her for money; you shall not treat her brutally, because you have humbled her.

Hmmm... Is this where the Amish get bed courting? Never heard of it... check it out here... http://www.amishabuse.com/chapter4pg1.htm Nah, the Amish got it from the story of Ruth with Boaz...

Thank you Lord for making me in this time, after the cross, in the days of Your amazing grace. I know that I would have been consumed very quickly if I lived back then.

The beauty of journaling, with vulnerability, solidarity, and freedom. It´s so different to journal on paper than on a blog - open for the whole world to see and read, and judge - if they so desire.

I sit here in my "sala" hearing the wind blow strongly through the trees, birds chirping their songs loudly - almost competing with one another, cars driving by, and people talking in the distance. As I write with my blistered hands from picking weeds, sweeping, mopping, and stirring cement and mortar in the days past... I think of how I long to see my kids. I wish I could see them as they worship God. I dream of hearing why they are thankful today. I worry in wonder that my boy might be missing out on a lesson due to distractions, fear, pride, and anger. I stand in awe of a God that withholds so much Beauty, that still is able to break my leg and carry me on His shoulders when I started to go astray. I didn´t see it at first. I knew that I was breaking some rules - even if they were unsaid - but I wasn´t sure if I agreed with them in order to follow them.

I wasn´t the only person that didn´t understand - no one did. Nana Angelica, Yanez, Iliana (the new psychologist), Ana maria... more than them, the kids. Not a single kid understood. Some had so much anger they told me to buy a gun and kill them all. As if that wasn´t gory enough, they added that I could drag their bodies away in my car.

Yet, the leaders knew. The ones that God chose to be the leaders, they knew.

They might not have been right about everything, but they knew that God had to do work in me by myself while I spend time alone and with Him.

After reading the chapter on money in Blue Like Jazz, I was reminded that I needed to tithe. I have to say it is much easier to tithe when you get a paycheck every two weeks or two times a month. It´s much harder when you´re living off support and it comes in by the 100´s. Yet, I can be just like Don´s friend that puts his tithes in a jar and then gives it to the church when he goes. I don´t know why it seems stupid to give $10 today, $24 another day, and so on. I just know it does.

I have learned that even though I long to be a mom and to have my son live under my roof - with my rules, there are lots of other children that are longing for me. One girl, Alicia, wrote me a heart-wrenching letter of how she doesn´t know why they took her best friend away and how her heart left with me. Another, Marlin, who is a jr. in high school, spoke in reassurance that I need more time with the other kids and less with my son. She has been asking me if I can be her partner in class and has been longing for more time.

I am reminded how God is with me. He gives us gifts in His time, and in the same way, we must give gifts in His time as well - even if they are just peach yogurt or bananas. As Ecclessiastes 3 is so overly quoted, its truth still rings loudly - to everything there is a time, to everything a season.

May God continue to ring His truth loudly in my heart, my life (and yours) and may it be a beauty for the world to see.

Update....It´s been a while!

1) I cancelled my CdE blogger sites because someone got a little bit upset about it... I don´t want to fight, so I just got rid of it. It´s a sad sad thing.

2) Teaching in town is growing to be a more interesting experience every week. This week was our first week back after a 2 week spring break, and it was really good. I really do love and care for these kids.

3) I am currently in a punishment mode from the orphanage. I was bringing the boy I sponsor too much food and things. I also hug and kiss all of the kids too much. Apparently, there´s a time limit to how long you should hug a kid...

I haven´t been allowed on the property since Sunday. They were going to allow me back yesterday, but Humberto tried running away the day before. The found him - thank you Jesus! Yet, now he´s being punished by me not being allowed on the property. This should have shown them how much he needs his madre! Oh well, I´m just helping out with the off site work project so I can still spend time with some of the kiddos and help out. I should be allowed back on the property soon. This punishment period is good for a variety of reasons - it helps me be a better steward of my money, it helps him realize that we have to follow the rules, it teaches us patience to when we can be mother and son.

I am almost done reading Blue Like Jazz. I only have 2 more chapters and it has been amazing. Last night I read 3 chapters about being a good steward with money, love, and fellowship. I am always sad when I start to get to the end of a good book... Sometimes I just never want them to end. I am excited to read the new book by Shane Claiborne though that Keith was talking about. I love his writing and perspective.

Oh, one more thing. I am praying about moving back to the states in June after school is out... Okay, maybe July. I want to adopt the boy I sponsor and so there´s a lot of stuff that I would need to do in the states that I couldn´t do here. Pray that the Lord will guide me as this is a big change.

Oh, and my cough is gone... like gone gone. I have some allergies, but that should be expected living in a dust filled city. :)