I'm excited for this weekends trip down to CdE. Thre are only 4 people going - me, Keith, Maddi, and her friend Chelsea. It's going to be a good trip, and coming back on Monday really allows for more time to spend with the kiddos. There are so many I want to spend a lot of time with.
Work is weird. Instead of me being apart of 2 teams - I'm now apart of 3. So this makes 2 huge projects and then my "normal" job that I never do.
I'm finishing up the last little bit of CdE stuff for Amadeo. I just need to get a notary/ permission slip and the medical waver form. I always have to attempt to make things fancy and pretty....lol
Friday, August 31
Tuesday, August 21
I need everyone's help. I would like to find a bible study that I can do with Jesus Humberto, the boy I sponsor at CdE. He is 13 1/2, he likes sports (all kinds - soccer, baseball, basketball, skating (when available), everything). He only likes to read a little bit, and he also likes games (card, board, even Grand Theft Auto), science, experiments, and tons of other things...
I am saying all of this just to give you an idea of what his personality is like and what his interests are.
I would like to find a bible study that I can send down to him weekly or even just a couple times a month. It would be good if it's one that I can do too so that we can talk about it when I get down there. I think it would be good to give him something that he can dive into the word with, and yet keep his interest. I know he reads the bible, (John 17 is his favorite chapter), but I want him to really dig in. Also, with everything that he's been doing, it would be good to redirect him just a little bit.
He wants to be a leader, and he thinks he already is... so I was even toying with getting him a leadership study to really understand all it entails. I think right now he thinks it is just about bossing people around. So, if anyone has any suggestions of what I could get, please let me know. Don't worry about the language barrier, I could always translate it.
I am saying all of this just to give you an idea of what his personality is like and what his interests are.
I would like to find a bible study that I can send down to him weekly or even just a couple times a month. It would be good if it's one that I can do too so that we can talk about it when I get down there. I think it would be good to give him something that he can dive into the word with, and yet keep his interest. I know he reads the bible, (John 17 is his favorite chapter), but I want him to really dig in. Also, with everything that he's been doing, it would be good to redirect him just a little bit.
He wants to be a leader, and he thinks he already is... so I was even toying with getting him a leadership study to really understand all it entails. I think right now he thinks it is just about bossing people around. So, if anyone has any suggestions of what I could get, please let me know. Don't worry about the language barrier, I could always translate it.
Sunday, August 19
Today, as I was driving to church, I was praying about my boy and the person Keith mentioned in his recent blog. I started thinking about the kids that have left in the past couple of months and how it has been hard. There are some that have been there for years, and some didn't even stay a month. They all hit hard because no one can ever replace them - they're each individuals that will always have a place in my heart.
I thought about the new girl, Lupita, and how I didn't get to know her at all. I thought about the ones that were new 2 times ago - Miriam, Viviana, Jesus, and some others that have already left. I didn't really get to know any of them that well yet either - some... but not a ton. I usually try to make sure I spend a decent amount of time with the newer kids just to form that bond from the get go and love on them as they are making the transition.
It's then that I realized something. I have had such a hard time with all of the ones that have left (summer time is always the worst!) and I have just been trying to keep it all in (until lately - lucky blog readers you!)... but here's the scary part... I realized today that I have not been getting to know the new kids like normal due to the fear that they would be leaving soon and I would have to deal with missing them.
Seriously, how selfish and rude is that! I couldn't believe it. I started thinking about how Adrian always applauds me for knowing each and every one of their names and how he doesn't know them until they are there for at least 3 months - even though he lives with them. That's when it all started clicking in my rude thick head... He is afraid of the same thing. Right when he gets to know them, they leave. He misses them too and how much harder is it being one of the true orphans and seeing kids leave with their families knowing that it will never happen for him. It's always harder being the one that stayed instead of being the one that is doing the leaving.
This is when I was somewhat comforted, hurt, but honored. Missing them and getting a glimpse of all these emotions help me realize a little of what they go through... how they process things on a normal basis. I was going to have a conversation with Adrian about it when I get down there next, but I'm not sure if I have the heart to do it... or put him through the conversation either... It's a hard one...just imagining it in my head brought tears to my eyes that I had to withhold due to driving. Yet, what an honor. What an honor it is to go through the slightest degree of what they are feeling... to somewhat be able to have empathy with them - even if it at a lower level. Thank you God for helping me realize this and help me love love love not worrying about tomorrow and only focusing on the here and now and who You have put in my life to show love to.... Today.
I thought about the new girl, Lupita, and how I didn't get to know her at all. I thought about the ones that were new 2 times ago - Miriam, Viviana, Jesus, and some others that have already left. I didn't really get to know any of them that well yet either - some... but not a ton. I usually try to make sure I spend a decent amount of time with the newer kids just to form that bond from the get go and love on them as they are making the transition.
It's then that I realized something. I have had such a hard time with all of the ones that have left (summer time is always the worst!) and I have just been trying to keep it all in (until lately - lucky blog readers you!)... but here's the scary part... I realized today that I have not been getting to know the new kids like normal due to the fear that they would be leaving soon and I would have to deal with missing them.
Seriously, how selfish and rude is that! I couldn't believe it. I started thinking about how Adrian always applauds me for knowing each and every one of their names and how he doesn't know them until they are there for at least 3 months - even though he lives with them. That's when it all started clicking in my rude thick head... He is afraid of the same thing. Right when he gets to know them, they leave. He misses them too and how much harder is it being one of the true orphans and seeing kids leave with their families knowing that it will never happen for him. It's always harder being the one that stayed instead of being the one that is doing the leaving.
This is when I was somewhat comforted, hurt, but honored. Missing them and getting a glimpse of all these emotions help me realize a little of what they go through... how they process things on a normal basis. I was going to have a conversation with Adrian about it when I get down there next, but I'm not sure if I have the heart to do it... or put him through the conversation either... It's a hard one...just imagining it in my head brought tears to my eyes that I had to withhold due to driving. Yet, what an honor. What an honor it is to go through the slightest degree of what they are feeling... to somewhat be able to have empathy with them - even if it at a lower level. Thank you God for helping me realize this and help me love love love not worrying about tomorrow and only focusing on the here and now and who You have put in my life to show love to.... Today.
Some last minute quotes from Andrew Murray in his book "The Holiest of All". It's a commentary on the book of Hebrews that I am letting Ben borrow. Here's some quotes on love with a hint of reformational thinking from someone who joined our Lord in 1917.
...how little has Christ's Church proved that it has its birth from the God of love, that it owes it all to Him who loved us, gave us the new commandment of love, and asked us to prove our love to Him by bestowing it on our brethren. (pg. 518)
The life in the city of the living God is a life of love: the more we love, the more the mists will roll away our souls see it in sunshine and beauty. (pg. 518)
To lead the truly Christian life, the life of faith amid daily duties and daily care, we need the presence of God as our better and abiding possession. (pg. 523)
All that He is, He can be to you to-day. And the only reason that you ever had to look back to a yesterday that was better than to-day, was that you did not know, or that you failed to trust, this Jesus, who was waiting to make each to-day a new revelation and a larger experience of the grace of yesterday. (pg. 527)
My brethren! do you understand what it means that the Father, in leading you to glory has made Jesus the Leader of our salvation. Jesus is responsible for you. Take Him and trust Him as your Leader. The great need in one who follows a leader is a tender, teachable spirit. Rejoice that you have such a Leader, Himself made perfect in meekness and submission through suffering, that He might lead you in the blessed path that brought Him, and will bring you as surely, to the glory of the Father. (pg. 86)
One last one....
To all Christians whose life has been one of feebleness and of failure, who have not entered into the rest of faith, into God's own rest, this word To-day is the key to all their disappointments and to all their failures. You waited for strength, to make obedience easier; for feeling, to make the sacrifice less painful. You did not listen to the voice of God breathing through every word. He speaks that wondrous note, even through the living word, Jesus Christ, that wondrous note of hope, To-day. You thought it meant for the sinner a call to immediate repentance; you did not know that it means for the believer, each time he hears the voice; immediate, whole-hearted submission to all God says, immediate trustful acceptance of all He gives. And yet just this is what it does mean. (pg. 126)
...how little has Christ's Church proved that it has its birth from the God of love, that it owes it all to Him who loved us, gave us the new commandment of love, and asked us to prove our love to Him by bestowing it on our brethren. (pg. 518)
The life in the city of the living God is a life of love: the more we love, the more the mists will roll away our souls see it in sunshine and beauty. (pg. 518)
To lead the truly Christian life, the life of faith amid daily duties and daily care, we need the presence of God as our better and abiding possession. (pg. 523)
All that He is, He can be to you to-day. And the only reason that you ever had to look back to a yesterday that was better than to-day, was that you did not know, or that you failed to trust, this Jesus, who was waiting to make each to-day a new revelation and a larger experience of the grace of yesterday. (pg. 527)
My brethren! do you understand what it means that the Father, in leading you to glory has made Jesus the Leader of our salvation. Jesus is responsible for you. Take Him and trust Him as your Leader. The great need in one who follows a leader is a tender, teachable spirit. Rejoice that you have such a Leader, Himself made perfect in meekness and submission through suffering, that He might lead you in the blessed path that brought Him, and will bring you as surely, to the glory of the Father. (pg. 86)
One last one....
To all Christians whose life has been one of feebleness and of failure, who have not entered into the rest of faith, into God's own rest, this word To-day is the key to all their disappointments and to all their failures. You waited for strength, to make obedience easier; for feeling, to make the sacrifice less painful. You did not listen to the voice of God breathing through every word. He speaks that wondrous note, even through the living word, Jesus Christ, that wondrous note of hope, To-day. You thought it meant for the sinner a call to immediate repentance; you did not know that it means for the believer, each time he hears the voice; immediate, whole-hearted submission to all God says, immediate trustful acceptance of all He gives. And yet just this is what it does mean. (pg. 126)
Saturday, August 18
Dreams.
Dreams are funny weird things. They can totally mess with my mood all day.
Last night, I had an interesting long one... interrupted by having to go pee, but thankfully continued on when I went back to sleep.
I was dreaming about my boy down at CdE. I talked to him about the letter that I wrote him and we were hanging out. The scene kept switching from me doing my work at these weird computer carousel things in town and us being on a carriage/wagon that was behind a horse. For some reason, we had to lean back and I had little Hector that left a couple months ago in front of me and I remember trying to hold on for our lives while Jesus was sitting upright a couple feet in front of us. It was great seeing Hector and just being able to have some bonding time with him.
From there, we were at a camp, a Christian Summer camp, and my old roommate from Bible College was there along with her mom and grandma. I was there with Jesus, Hector, and I think even Francisco Ramon... I know there was 3, but I can't remember who the 3rd was right now. Maybe Angel... not too sure. Anyway, my old roommate just recently got divorced (this is true) and her mom thought that this camp would "do her some good". I talked to her mom about what she had been wearing when she came over to us. I then cried out to her and asked her to wear more clothes. I explained to her how I had 3 boys with me, all 13-15 (even though Hector's only 11) and how I am troubled by how she is wearing thong bikinis and itching her boobs while they are completely showing out of her bikini top around them. She wore 3 different bikinis in my dream - getting skankier as the dream went on. She started bawling knowing what she's doing to these boys and realizing how wrong everything she was doing was.
This is when I woke up and had to go pee. I remember thinking how I just so desperately wanted to go back to my dream because that is the only place that I could spend time with Hector. I miss him terribly and didn't realize exactly how much until I dreamed about him and his cute little skinny nose last night.
I went back to dream and then the 3 boys and I were at my parent's house. We went back and forth from their house to the city where I continued to try to do work but it wasn't completely working. There were more conversations about how I want Jesus to have a good life and trying to explain to him that I have high hopes for him. I can't remember any more, but I woke up happy that I got to continue my dream and spend more time with Hector... Then I felt bad because I didn't dream about Juan Ramon - a kid that just left a couple weeks ago that I loved and bonded with a ton - one that Jose Julian asked me if I would adopt someday but I said, "No, because he has a mom"... and that's who he's with right now.
Sorry, I know this is kind of all over the place... Oh, one last thing... Some people wonder why Juan Ramon leaving is hitting me so hard. I think it's also due to him being illiterate. He was just learning how to put parts of a word together to read the whole word and sound it out right. He came in with no education, and I am afraid that he won't get it now. With all of the other kids that have left, they know how to read and write... and I have a fear that he will never fully learn.
Dreams are funny weird things. They can totally mess with my mood all day.
Last night, I had an interesting long one... interrupted by having to go pee, but thankfully continued on when I went back to sleep.
I was dreaming about my boy down at CdE. I talked to him about the letter that I wrote him and we were hanging out. The scene kept switching from me doing my work at these weird computer carousel things in town and us being on a carriage/wagon that was behind a horse. For some reason, we had to lean back and I had little Hector that left a couple months ago in front of me and I remember trying to hold on for our lives while Jesus was sitting upright a couple feet in front of us. It was great seeing Hector and just being able to have some bonding time with him.
From there, we were at a camp, a Christian Summer camp, and my old roommate from Bible College was there along with her mom and grandma. I was there with Jesus, Hector, and I think even Francisco Ramon... I know there was 3, but I can't remember who the 3rd was right now. Maybe Angel... not too sure. Anyway, my old roommate just recently got divorced (this is true) and her mom thought that this camp would "do her some good". I talked to her mom about what she had been wearing when she came over to us. I then cried out to her and asked her to wear more clothes. I explained to her how I had 3 boys with me, all 13-15 (even though Hector's only 11) and how I am troubled by how she is wearing thong bikinis and itching her boobs while they are completely showing out of her bikini top around them. She wore 3 different bikinis in my dream - getting skankier as the dream went on. She started bawling knowing what she's doing to these boys and realizing how wrong everything she was doing was.
This is when I woke up and had to go pee. I remember thinking how I just so desperately wanted to go back to my dream because that is the only place that I could spend time with Hector. I miss him terribly and didn't realize exactly how much until I dreamed about him and his cute little skinny nose last night.
I went back to dream and then the 3 boys and I were at my parent's house. We went back and forth from their house to the city where I continued to try to do work but it wasn't completely working. There were more conversations about how I want Jesus to have a good life and trying to explain to him that I have high hopes for him. I can't remember any more, but I woke up happy that I got to continue my dream and spend more time with Hector... Then I felt bad because I didn't dream about Juan Ramon - a kid that just left a couple weeks ago that I loved and bonded with a ton - one that Jose Julian asked me if I would adopt someday but I said, "No, because he has a mom"... and that's who he's with right now.
Sorry, I know this is kind of all over the place... Oh, one last thing... Some people wonder why Juan Ramon leaving is hitting me so hard. I think it's also due to him being illiterate. He was just learning how to put parts of a word together to read the whole word and sound it out right. He came in with no education, and I am afraid that he won't get it now. With all of the other kids that have left, they know how to read and write... and I have a fear that he will never fully learn.
Friday, August 17
I love it that these are my "Sponsored Links" on MySpace. Hmm... do you think they personalize them much? :)
Sponsored Links
Africa Missions Travel
Group or individual - great fares missions/humanitarian online quote
www.vergeglobal.com
Engineering Missions Trip
Christian Missions Trips to 75 Countries. Use your skills!
www.emiusa.org
Missions Trip Costa Rica
Opportunity to Grow and Serve Great Intercultural Experience
www.portantorchas.org
Low Missionary Airfares
Book online 24/7 with the U.S. Leader in Missionary Travel
mtstravel.com
Sponsored Links
Africa Missions Travel
Group or individual - great fares missions/humanitarian online quote
www.vergeglobal.com
Engineering Missions Trip
Christian Missions Trips to 75 Countries. Use your skills!
www.emiusa.org
Missions Trip Costa Rica
Opportunity to Grow and Serve Great Intercultural Experience
www.portantorchas.org
Low Missionary Airfares
Book online 24/7 with the U.S. Leader in Missionary Travel
mtstravel.com
This is a picture of all the "staff" at CdE. Some of them are strictly volunteers, but this was taken at their appreciation luncheon that Colene gave them. Colene is of course the one in the white outfit. I don't know who all of them are, but I will do my best.
In the back row (the men): Teacher, Mario (psychologist & baseball coach), Farmer, Manuel (owner)
In the middle row: Wife of couple that does lottery every Sat. & gives the kids lots of food (might work for DIF which is their CPS), YeYe (overlooks children), ? (new), Elsa (overlooks children), Secretary, Never seen this woman before, Never seen her either, Nana (cooking), Nana (farmer)
In the front row: Gabi (owner), Maria (laundry), Colene (US Coordinator)
Thursday, August 16
Tuesday, August 14
The hard parts of last weekend....and then the letter to Jesus will follow.
Angel and Jose Isaac said, "Tu mother f*** tu b****". They said it quite a few times. I know that they have no idea what it means, but I tapped Jose on the cheek just to show how bad it was. Telling them they were bad words wasn't enough for it to stick.
Abilene left because she's at the hopsital for her bulemia. She might come back in a couple of weeks.
Two new kids left in the past month. One ran away, and I'm sure it's because all of the kids called him gay constantly.
Pedro left. This was a hard hit for Madi. It's hard for me too, because I have seen him cry and have tried to comfort him at different times. I'm happy because he lives in Magdalena and he's with either his mom or dad as they are divorced and only have the children of the same sex with them - so he'll be with his dad I'm sure.
Jesus David left too... He's the buffest just turned 13 year old I have ever met. I am thinking he's with his sister because she came to his graduation. I'm happy for him.
Juan Ramon left... this one is probably the hardest for me to take on. He is still illiterate and we didn't get to work on his skills as much as I would have liked. He and I had a special bond - he had them with lots of the people in our group. I just hope that he will continue trying to read and write no matter how frustrating it is for him. I have such a fear that his education will stop since he didn't have one before he came to CdE.
Adrian, Elyot, Francisco Ramon, and Jesus Humberto (my boy) have all got in trouble lately. It's mostly because they have been lazy and not wanting to do their chores...
Here's the letter I plan on sending to my boy. I hope he receives it well. Let me know if you think it's too harsh to send to him... It's definitely going to be harder putting this one in the mail.
Angel and Jose Isaac said, "Tu mother f*** tu b****". They said it quite a few times. I know that they have no idea what it means, but I tapped Jose on the cheek just to show how bad it was. Telling them they were bad words wasn't enough for it to stick.
Abilene left because she's at the hopsital for her bulemia. She might come back in a couple of weeks.
Two new kids left in the past month. One ran away, and I'm sure it's because all of the kids called him gay constantly.
Pedro left. This was a hard hit for Madi. It's hard for me too, because I have seen him cry and have tried to comfort him at different times. I'm happy because he lives in Magdalena and he's with either his mom or dad as they are divorced and only have the children of the same sex with them - so he'll be with his dad I'm sure.
Jesus David left too... He's the buffest just turned 13 year old I have ever met. I am thinking he's with his sister because she came to his graduation. I'm happy for him.
Juan Ramon left... this one is probably the hardest for me to take on. He is still illiterate and we didn't get to work on his skills as much as I would have liked. He and I had a special bond - he had them with lots of the people in our group. I just hope that he will continue trying to read and write no matter how frustrating it is for him. I have such a fear that his education will stop since he didn't have one before he came to CdE.
Adrian, Elyot, Francisco Ramon, and Jesus Humberto (my boy) have all got in trouble lately. It's mostly because they have been lazy and not wanting to do their chores...
Here's the letter I plan on sending to my boy. I hope he receives it well. Let me know if you think it's too harsh to send to him... It's definitely going to be harder putting this one in the mail.
Dear Jesus,
How are you? School is going to be starting for you soon. You are very smart – smarter than most people your age – and even smarter than people that are older than you. As it is starting – I want to talk to you about how important school is. Going to school and getting your education is very important, because, besides God, it helps give you skills to help you when you become an adult.I heard that you haven’t been on your best behavior lately and that you have been stealing, leaving when you don’t have permission, lazy, and beating up the other kids. I heard that Gabi said that she wasn’t going to make you go to school if you didn’t start behaving better. You need to start following the rules more, even when it’s hard. I hope that you try hard and do want to go to school.
Throughout the year and a half that I have known you, I have seen you change. Some has been for the worst and some for the best. I would never expect you to be perfect. I would also never expect you to never get in a fight with any of the other boys (or girls in the case with Perla). I do hope that you don’t fight anyone at your school so you don’t get kicked out. The school you will be going to is a very good school, and it’s expensive – I’m going to start paying for it this month.
In my trips there, I have seen you be a good helper to the staff and you have helped me out a lot too. Nana was so appreciative of you helping clean the spoons off for her and helping wash the dishes – especially because it’s not your normal chore. Please, don’t be lazy. Do your part. When everyone helps out, it all gets done faster and better. Don’t have Ramon Abdiel, Angel, or anyone else do your chores for you. You don’t have to be a leader in everyway. You can be an equal with your friends – or they might not be your friends for long.
In April, when I was down there with you, we went to the store and you guys all played games. I noticed when we were there, that you guys were all playing that little gambling game that you can try to guess the fruit it lands on for the amount of pesos that it says. I hope that you are not going there and that is not where you are sneaking off too. Hopefully, I can tell you a little bit of why as I tell you a little
bit about my sister.Sarah has had a gambling problem since she was 18 years old. It has continually gotten worse and worse as time has gone on. She has gambled away all of the money that she has earned from her jobs as well as other people’s money. About 4 years ago, she gambled her friends rent money for their apartment and she would even sell some of our mom’s jewelry to get more money for gambling to cover her mistakes. It sent her on a downward spiral that is still hard for her to get out of. She no longer knows the value of money. She can not figure out how far it can go because of her sickness.
I know that you are no where near her point and that you probably never will be. Yet, since you have been stealing and I know how much you enjoy certain things (like those types of games), I wanted to caution you about it.
I know from myself that games and different things can be very addicting. It might seem silly, but it’s possible to be addicted to all sorts of things. You have to be careful that certain things that can be fun for a little while don’t become an addiction. We are not going to allow any of the kids to have our phones or ipods anymore. Please don’t think this is you or because of any of the other kids. It’s simply because the type of music that the teens that come down with me is a bad influence and it’s not necessary.
In our lives, we have different choices. We can choose to follow God and His ways, or we can choose to follow our own which is also the devil’s. I know that there are some things that seem like they are so much fun and it makes it easy to break the rules or find reasons why we shouldn’t have to follow the rules. I got in trouble this past weekend as well. I got two notes of my own for things that I have done. I got the first one for the batteries and giving you too many. The second one is for allowing kids to be in the apartment. I have got in trouble for this before in earlier months. For me, it’s hard because I love spending time with you and the other kids. I like to be able to share things with you and to be able to eat with you guys. Yet, this still is not a reason to break the rules.
I hope that you don’t see this letter as a way of me trying to boss you around or tell you how to live your life. I don’t want you to think that I am mad at you, disappointed with you, or anything like that. I love you and I think you are amazing. At times, it’s easy to think that it’s just your age and the phase of life that you are in. I know from myself that it’s easy to be lazy and even rebel at your age and it never really stops from there. I am still this way (which you can tell because of this past weekend and how I got in trouble), and it’s something I need to work on daily. I need your help with some of it too. I need you to help me follow the rule of not allowing kids outside of the security fence and in the apartment. I need to be a better example to you and to the rest of the kids and show you how important it is to listen to Manuel and Gabi and allow them to be the authority in your life. They are my authority too, and I need to listen and obey them as well.
I hope that your behavior isn’t from being in the older boys’ room. A bunch of you have been getting in trouble – you, Elyot, Adrian, and Francisco Ramon. The four of you need to work together to behave better. You can even try to be the leader to making the 4 of you behave better and be an example to all of the other boys.
I love you lots and I hope that this letter translates okay and that it makes sense. Read your bible and pray and ask God to continue to help you be more like Him. I am praying for you and I hope that you are well. I love you lots and I will see you on the 1st in 3 weeks. Be good, listen to YeYe, Elsa, Manuel, Gabi, Maria, Nana, and all of the other people on staff. I have put in here pictures of you from a couple years ago that Roxanna gave me. They are of you, Carolina, Gloria, and of course Miriam.
Love,
Ana
Monday, August 13
As I woke up this morning, I realized how tired I am. I didn't get home last night until just before 10:30, and I wasn't completely tired yet.
This past trip was an interesting one. I never realized exactly how much I love spending time with my boy. This weekend, I definitely spent some time with him, but he spent a lot with Madison too. I am glad that their bond is growing stronger and that there is yet another person (there are many) that see how great he can be. It was also great to spend a lot of time with the other kids as well.
The kids got a new pool - one of those blue plastic ones that you can blow up the rim. It took hours to fill it up with the hose, but it was a great way to cool off. I think Madi was the only one that didn't get in. It was totally fun for all of us to be thrown (or dragged) into the pool. It was a great time having contests with the kids as to who can hold their breath for the longest and little games like that. I think we had about 20 kids in it at a time.
The luncheon went good with the staff. The kids did a great job of serving them the way they deserve. Different kids were involved in different parts of the meal - some with drinks, dessert, main dish, salad, etc.
I found out that my boy is not doing too hot. He's been lazy, stealing, fighting with the other kids, and not doing his chores. I am writing him a long letter telling him exactly what God expects of him and trying to get him back on the right path. I know he has a foundation with his walk with God, but he really needs to get more focused. I am on my 3rd page and I have lots more to go... Please pray for him and that the tone of the letter will be good and that it will be well received and understood.
Patty and I have decided to add more rules to the trip and I have thought about it in the past as well. The teens will no longer be able to have their Ipods and phones out - and they will definitely not be able to give them to the kids. We might also raise the price or tell them what is "included" and "not included" in the price of the trips.
All in all, it was a great trip. It's been great getting to know the teens on a deeper level - both the ones within our church and outside of it as well. They all have very soft hearts.
This past trip was an interesting one. I never realized exactly how much I love spending time with my boy. This weekend, I definitely spent some time with him, but he spent a lot with Madison too. I am glad that their bond is growing stronger and that there is yet another person (there are many) that see how great he can be. It was also great to spend a lot of time with the other kids as well.
The kids got a new pool - one of those blue plastic ones that you can blow up the rim. It took hours to fill it up with the hose, but it was a great way to cool off. I think Madi was the only one that didn't get in. It was totally fun for all of us to be thrown (or dragged) into the pool. It was a great time having contests with the kids as to who can hold their breath for the longest and little games like that. I think we had about 20 kids in it at a time.
The luncheon went good with the staff. The kids did a great job of serving them the way they deserve. Different kids were involved in different parts of the meal - some with drinks, dessert, main dish, salad, etc.
I found out that my boy is not doing too hot. He's been lazy, stealing, fighting with the other kids, and not doing his chores. I am writing him a long letter telling him exactly what God expects of him and trying to get him back on the right path. I know he has a foundation with his walk with God, but he really needs to get more focused. I am on my 3rd page and I have lots more to go... Please pray for him and that the tone of the letter will be good and that it will be well received and understood.
Patty and I have decided to add more rules to the trip and I have thought about it in the past as well. The teens will no longer be able to have their Ipods and phones out - and they will definitely not be able to give them to the kids. We might also raise the price or tell them what is "included" and "not included" in the price of the trips.
All in all, it was a great trip. It's been great getting to know the teens on a deeper level - both the ones within our church and outside of it as well. They all have very soft hearts.
Thursday, August 9
Tomorrow's a big day.... well, for me at least. It has been 4 weeks since I've been down there and I am itching to see those kiddos. It's hard because I won't be able to spend as much time with them as I would like, but it will be good regardless.
Tomorrow, I get to do some last minute shopping for some school supplies and other items to bring down. I already have the order of stores to go into - Walgreens at 7:00, Target at 8:00, Bed, Bath, & Beyond at 9:00, and then the mall opens at 10:00. If I can get everything at Target, then I'll be done bright and early. :)
Saturday is going to be an interesting day for me. Colene (the US coordinator for CdE) asked me to take pictures during the staff lunch that she is throwing. My boy is serving the dessert (so I'm told), so I'm super excited about that. She wants me to pretty much be with her the whole time she's there, so it will limit my time with the kids. Yet, I will make sure that I wake up bright and early and say hi to all of the kids before she kids there to be on the safe side. I also wrote my boy a letter and told him about it to set proper expectations. :) After the luncheon, we'll give out the backpacks that both of our groups brought down - we're bringing down 7.
This trip is another youth filled trip - so I'm excited for that. It's going to be me and Patty holding down the fort with Jared, Madi, Ryan, Kalyn, possibly Bre and Gracie. Wahoo.
I guess I'll just have to enjoy some time with all of my beautiful sisters at VCC tonight for the Women's Dinner to waste the time before I can do my last minute shopping. :)
Tomorrow, I get to do some last minute shopping for some school supplies and other items to bring down. I already have the order of stores to go into - Walgreens at 7:00, Target at 8:00, Bed, Bath, & Beyond at 9:00, and then the mall opens at 10:00. If I can get everything at Target, then I'll be done bright and early. :)
Saturday is going to be an interesting day for me. Colene (the US coordinator for CdE) asked me to take pictures during the staff lunch that she is throwing. My boy is serving the dessert (so I'm told), so I'm super excited about that. She wants me to pretty much be with her the whole time she's there, so it will limit my time with the kids. Yet, I will make sure that I wake up bright and early and say hi to all of the kids before she kids there to be on the safe side. I also wrote my boy a letter and told him about it to set proper expectations. :) After the luncheon, we'll give out the backpacks that both of our groups brought down - we're bringing down 7.
This trip is another youth filled trip - so I'm excited for that. It's going to be me and Patty holding down the fort with Jared, Madi, Ryan, Kalyn, possibly Bre and Gracie. Wahoo.
I guess I'll just have to enjoy some time with all of my beautiful sisters at VCC tonight for the Women's Dinner to waste the time before I can do my last minute shopping. :)
Tuesday, August 7
Here's an interesting viewpoint to the blog that I posted below from MySpace.
The word Alone is one of those reasons why I love language so much. Alone is a rather neutral term when you think about it. To give it meaning we use words like Loneliness to describe the pain of being Alone. And words like Solitude to describe the glory of being Alone.
It is in your Solitude that you belong entirely to yourself, and to God. It is in solitude that we are silent enough to hear our hearts, and free enough to follow them.
But it is in our Loneliness that we discover how knowing our heart leaves it only partially fulfilled. It is the sharing of our heart that places us in the heart of God. As such the pain of Loneliness is the pain of denying ourselves that hour of sharing, and the pain of distancing ourselves from God's heart.
Is it so easy to believe that God would deem you incapable of loving both Him and us? Would you divide your love into tithings, saying "This for my God, and this remainder for His children."? Or is it possible that God has given you that moment to be alone that you may savor the fruits of your solitude? And that He has also gifted you this next moment of loneliness, that you may now seek the ways to best share your heart?
Is it truly to say that in giving your heart to a man that you would not in
fact be giving it to Life and to God? Is it to say if you loved your own children, you would have no love for His? Or is it instead a fear that no man is capable of offering you both unconditional love, and also unconditional freedom? That there exists no man on all the Earth who not only understands your love for God and His children, but celebrates it? Is there no one among us who is inspired by that love, and will in turn cherish you as a child of God?
Just as there are seasons of the year and seasons to life, there exist seasons within the heart. In the cold emptiness of winter, summer seems so incredibly far away. But no winter is forever, Miss Hannah. Enjoy your seasons. Enjoy the golds and reds of your autumn, though they usher in the cold. Celebrate with laughter and craft the snow angels of your winter, for now. But do not lose hope that the rebirth of spring is just around the corner.
Saturday, August 4
Do you ever get in a funk and stay in it for a day or two? I'm in one right now.
I take pride in how easy the past year has been for me. It seems like it's just about a year since God told me that He has given me the gift of singleness. Ironically, this has been the easiest year for me since 6th grade for this area of my life. There are very few days where I struggle or have fears. The fears are more unanswered questions about what will happen when I get older and if I will be lonely later in life.
People don't realize how much they want to befriend other people that are in the exact same stage in their life. I was asked at Angela's shower if it's ever hard for me since I can't fully connect with anyone completely. The person shared with me that sometimes it's hard for her because she doesn't have kids yet... Yes, sometimes, it is hard for me - but maybe not as hard as it is for her. She knows that someday she will have kids of her own and have that bonding time, but for me, I know it will never happen. Sure, I could sulk and have pity on myself for never being able to fully relate to people - or I can do what I tell most people to do when they are having a hard time - Get over it. I don't mean to say that to be insensitive to myself or to others, but there's only 2 choices in life - accept what you have or sulk and cry about it and never enjoy life or that situation. For me, I like the freedom that God has given me. I enjoy being single most of the time and I really do only seem to struggle with it for a few moments here and there - and it's usually because people just don't get it and it's hard to explain to people. And, let's be honest, there are lots of people that I don't explain it to.
So, why am I currently in a funk? Last night, I was with the beautiful Cloud kids. Right after Mandy left, Annah said something interesting to me. She said, "You're going to have a baby in two days?". I looked down at my stomach and wondered how bad my body has gotten for her to think that I am that pregnant... Then, she said the following that made me feel a whole lot better after I told her that I wasn't. She said, "Uh huh, you are. Vana told me. She told me that you are going to have a baby because she is praying that you will be a mom someday. She is praying for you that you will get married and be a mom." It's one of the cutest things ever and it brings tears to my eyes just typing it. Both Mandy and Amy have told me that the girls pray for me and that they're not going to stop them. I know that pretty much every person in my life hopes that this singleness is only for a season. I try to explain it to people that I don't think it is, and that it seems like it's going to be permanent. I don't know what God has for me - I only know what He has told me to this point...
Talking to kids about my singleness has always been the hardest part for me. How do I explain it? I don't ever want to explain it too much because I don't want them to have a fear that they will get this gift someday. I don't want to make it sound like I don't want it or like it, because I don't want them to think that God gave me something bad - when it's not. Yet, when I try to explain it to them in a happy way, they don't get it. I can try to say, "God wants me all for Himself" but that doesn't always go well with them . It just makes it really hard to try to explain it. Parents don't want to tell their kids about it when they talk about me and getting married and having kids some days because they don't want that to be God's will and because they don't know how to explain it if they wanted to. I think the hardest part is when kids ask, "do you have a boyfriend" and then they ask, "do you want one?". I feel like I'm obligated to explain my singleness to them so they don't ask me the next week or month and then it seems like I am deceiving them no matter what I say, but then it seems silly. I feel like I'm lying if I said I did just so I can make the conversation over...
Anyway... this is why I'm in a funk I guess. Sorry, that's a lot of nonsense and rambling that probably doesn't make sense to anyone other than myself. PS. I woke up on Sunday morning out of the funk... Oh how journaling is therapeutic to the soul and mind. :)
I take pride in how easy the past year has been for me. It seems like it's just about a year since God told me that He has given me the gift of singleness. Ironically, this has been the easiest year for me since 6th grade for this area of my life. There are very few days where I struggle or have fears. The fears are more unanswered questions about what will happen when I get older and if I will be lonely later in life.
People don't realize how much they want to befriend other people that are in the exact same stage in their life. I was asked at Angela's shower if it's ever hard for me since I can't fully connect with anyone completely. The person shared with me that sometimes it's hard for her because she doesn't have kids yet... Yes, sometimes, it is hard for me - but maybe not as hard as it is for her. She knows that someday she will have kids of her own and have that bonding time, but for me, I know it will never happen. Sure, I could sulk and have pity on myself for never being able to fully relate to people - or I can do what I tell most people to do when they are having a hard time - Get over it. I don't mean to say that to be insensitive to myself or to others, but there's only 2 choices in life - accept what you have or sulk and cry about it and never enjoy life or that situation. For me, I like the freedom that God has given me. I enjoy being single most of the time and I really do only seem to struggle with it for a few moments here and there - and it's usually because people just don't get it and it's hard to explain to people. And, let's be honest, there are lots of people that I don't explain it to.
So, why am I currently in a funk? Last night, I was with the beautiful Cloud kids. Right after Mandy left, Annah said something interesting to me. She said, "You're going to have a baby in two days?". I looked down at my stomach and wondered how bad my body has gotten for her to think that I am that pregnant... Then, she said the following that made me feel a whole lot better after I told her that I wasn't. She said, "Uh huh, you are. Vana told me. She told me that you are going to have a baby because she is praying that you will be a mom someday. She is praying for you that you will get married and be a mom." It's one of the cutest things ever and it brings tears to my eyes just typing it. Both Mandy and Amy have told me that the girls pray for me and that they're not going to stop them. I know that pretty much every person in my life hopes that this singleness is only for a season. I try to explain it to people that I don't think it is, and that it seems like it's going to be permanent. I don't know what God has for me - I only know what He has told me to this point...
Talking to kids about my singleness has always been the hardest part for me. How do I explain it? I don't ever want to explain it too much because I don't want them to have a fear that they will get this gift someday. I don't want to make it sound like I don't want it or like it, because I don't want them to think that God gave me something bad - when it's not. Yet, when I try to explain it to them in a happy way, they don't get it. I can try to say, "God wants me all for Himself" but that doesn't always go well with them . It just makes it really hard to try to explain it. Parents don't want to tell their kids about it when they talk about me and getting married and having kids some days because they don't want that to be God's will and because they don't know how to explain it if they wanted to. I think the hardest part is when kids ask, "do you have a boyfriend" and then they ask, "do you want one?". I feel like I'm obligated to explain my singleness to them so they don't ask me the next week or month and then it seems like I am deceiving them no matter what I say, but then it seems silly. I feel like I'm lying if I said I did just so I can make the conversation over...
Anyway... this is why I'm in a funk I guess. Sorry, that's a lot of nonsense and rambling that probably doesn't make sense to anyone other than myself. PS. I woke up on Sunday morning out of the funk... Oh how journaling is therapeutic to the soul and mind. :)
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