Dreams.

Dreams are funny weird things. They can totally mess with my mood all day.

Last night, I had an interesting long one... interrupted by having to go pee, but thankfully continued on when I went back to sleep.

I was dreaming about my boy down at CdE. I talked to him about the letter that I wrote him and we were hanging out. The scene kept switching from me doing my work at these weird computer carousel things in town and us being on a carriage/wagon that was behind a horse. For some reason, we had to lean back and I had little Hector that left a couple months ago in front of me and I remember trying to hold on for our lives while Jesus was sitting upright a couple feet in front of us. It was great seeing Hector and just being able to have some bonding time with him.

From there, we were at a camp, a Christian Summer camp, and my old roommate from Bible College was there along with her mom and grandma. I was there with Jesus, Hector, and I think even Francisco Ramon... I know there was 3, but I can't remember who the 3rd was right now. Maybe Angel... not too sure. Anyway, my old roommate just recently got divorced (this is true) and her mom thought that this camp would "do her some good". I talked to her mom about what she had been wearing when she came over to us. I then cried out to her and asked her to wear more clothes. I explained to her how I had 3 boys with me, all 13-15 (even though Hector's only 11) and how I am troubled by how she is wearing thong bikinis and itching her boobs while they are completely showing out of her bikini top around them. She wore 3 different bikinis in my dream - getting skankier as the dream went on. She started bawling knowing what she's doing to these boys and realizing how wrong everything she was doing was.

This is when I woke up and had to go pee. I remember thinking how I just so desperately wanted to go back to my dream because that is the only place that I could spend time with Hector. I miss him terribly and didn't realize exactly how much until I dreamed about him and his cute little skinny nose last night.

I went back to dream and then the 3 boys and I were at my parent's house. We went back and forth from their house to the city where I continued to try to do work but it wasn't completely working. There were more conversations about how I want Jesus to have a good life and trying to explain to him that I have high hopes for him. I can't remember any more, but I woke up happy that I got to continue my dream and spend more time with Hector... Then I felt bad because I didn't dream about Juan Ramon - a kid that just left a couple weeks ago that I loved and bonded with a ton - one that Jose Julian asked me if I would adopt someday but I said, "No, because he has a mom"... and that's who he's with right now.

Sorry, I know this is kind of all over the place... Oh, one last thing... Some people wonder why Juan Ramon leaving is hitting me so hard. I think it's also due to him being illiterate. He was just learning how to put parts of a word together to read the whole word and sound it out right. He came in with no education, and I am afraid that he won't get it now. With all of the other kids that have left, they know how to read and write... and I have a fear that he will never fully learn.