With nearly 100 kids and almost all of them being of school ages, they need a lot of school supplies at the orphanage. The Florida branch of my company raised a little bit of money to help with it. Yet, we're here. So, we can actually buy the stuff, which I will be doing with their monetary donation.

Many things have already been donated, but here is what is still needed:
*Please keep in mind, they have already been in school for 2 weeks.

• poster board
• spanish dictionaries
• spiral notebooks
• pencils
• pencil sharpeners
• scientific calculators - 30

Borradores and resistol were also mentioned, but I'm not sure what they mean. It doesn't work on Google's translation tools. If anybody feels compelled or desires to help with any part of this, please let me know. We can bring down the supplies on the 15th.

Michelle and I are the only people going down this weekend. Please pray for us and for guidance for me. I am going to try to look into the housing options in Magdalena and learn a little more about all of that.

Thanks and love to you all! :)

Prayer requests...

There is a 12 year old girl at the orphanage that is pregnant. Her name is Esveidy and she doesn't know how she got pregnant.... It may not have been from a good relationship. Please pray for the baby's safety, her safety, and for any emotional healing that she may need.

Because of this, there is going to be a newborn baby at the orphanage in 4 months. They haven't had any babies in 3 years, so they don't really have anything. They need a crib. WalMart has donated sheets and lots of baby clothes, so that's already covered. Everything else is needed. If you know anyone that is looking at one that they need to get rid of, please direct them to me so we can bring it down.

Thank you for your prayers. Here's a picture of Esveidy so you know who you're praying for. She is the girl on the right.

This past trip.....

Once again, my heart fell in love with these kids. I can't really explain the love I have for them. I think I can only liken it to that of a parent. I know it's from God. I pray and pray for God to enlargen my heart like David did in Psalm 119:32.

I will run the course of Your commandments,
For You shall enlarge my heart.

I know I am called to this ministry. To this place. I would like everyone to experience what I do when I'm there, but you can't. We can't. We're all called to different things in life. I am excited as to where God is calling the Clouds, Hoovers, Pinners, Howards, Astons in regards to their new church responsibilities. I am also excited to see where the Smiths, DD, Michelle, and others end out in the next year or two. I know that we're all being called to do God's work right now, and some of us in different places. I am stoked about this.

Everyone ended out cancelling in the last week for this past trip, except for me, Susie, and Jordan. It ended out being awesome. There were 3 other Americans staying in guest quarters (Emily, Ryan, and Jordan). They were actually down there because they hope to start an orphanage (Dia por los Ninos) in a Spanish-speaking country in 5-10 years. There ended out being 3 separate groups of Americans and a couple that came down from Nogales, Sonora, so there were plenty of people loving on the kids. We were able to fellowship and play a little Hold 'em.

I currently have 365 pictures and 15 videos that I need to go through and edit. There were originally over 950, but I have minimized it as much as I can. Well over half of the pics were taken by Jesus. He has an eye and a heart for photography, and I would never be able to stifle that in him. Here is one of my favorite pictures that he took:



This picture was taken of Angel right after he finished getting a drink of water from a hose. Jesus was just standing there waiting for him to be done and look up. I thought he took the picture of him when he was drinking. It's so cute because after every picture he took, he'd say "woohoo, perfecto".

Please pray for all of the kids as they started school this week. Most of their backpacks were brought down last night. I think they still have lots of school supplies that are needed. I will update you all later with that. Please also pray for me. I know I am called to go, but now I'm just waiting to hear when. I am tempted to go down there this weekend and to back out of the camping trip. However, I know that I need fellowship and that I am going down in two weeks.... so I just need to be patient.

Explanation from yesterday's post...I needed more clarity to know that this is something that is entirely from God and what God has for me. I needed more confirmation before I was able to truly share it with anyone. Well, yesterday God gave me all of that.

Clarity through a spotted glass
gives hardly the answers needed
Adding dirt to the lens
for hope that shouldn't exist

On Tuesday night, I made the following comment to Susie and Amy, "I would rather be single the rest of my life and not bear any children of my own than marry a man that did not have a heart for the kids in Mexico." Later on that night, as we were talking, it hit me. God has been changing my heart these past few months so much. He has been replacing the part of my heart that wants to get married and have kids with love for these kids. He has given me a transplant. Yet, because I have wanted these things for so long, I kept thinking yesterday that maybe it was just God's way of preparing me for who He does have for me....hence the false hope.

Fears and unknowns
selfishness and awkwardness
keep people from knowing others

I have never hated being single, but this I do hate. I hate how some people in my extended group of friends will never befriend me because I am single. Yet, if I was to get a boyfriend, then I would be included in their little mini circle and be included. They would ask to go on double dates and find that we have a lot in common. It mind boggles me that I need a man to be someone's friend. I understand when people feel awkward to talk about certain things in front of "singles", but at the same time, it should never mean that people can not be on an intimate level or even just more than acquaintances.

World's lack of understanding
see the impossibilities
of serious issues being absent

Throughout my whole life, people are going to ask me why I am single. People already do. Many times people think there has to be something wrong with someone if they are not with anyone. The world has begun to understand singleness, but the world will never understand celibacy.

Brokenness comes
Brokenness goes

Fixing the clarity with super glue
and being the power substance

So many times, like Oz stated in a post a couple weeks ago, we consider ourselves a 3rd option to serve. In the same way, we think it's fine to try to fix and help ourselves, when we know that God is truly the only one that can help and heal us.

Brokenness needs to return
Without putting spots on the glass

Oh... the brokenness and the clarity definitely returned yesterday. He confirmed it.

For those of you I haven't been able to tell this to, there's one more thing. A few weeks ago, I ended my friendship with Jason. Honestly, it kind of seems like since then, I have been speaking about it like I have been cleansed from an addiction. It's been 2 weeks since I last talked to him! It's been 3 weeks......! Yesterday, God showed me this truth:

You had to end your friendship with Jason for me to show you this clarity. You have always used Jason as your hope that a guy would fall in love with you and that you'll one day get married and have kids. (He played me like no other and yet it made me feel like it is possible for people to be interested in me). Now I am able to give you this clarity. I am able to show you My true desires for you.

God continued to minister to me and break me down. I was driving and bawling. I am not sad, I am not discouraged, and I am actually getting kind of excited. I know now why He has protected me and tried so hard to keep me sexually pure. I know now why every time I tried to go outside of that He has made it almost not enjoyable. I don't need encouragement that this might be a phase or a stage.

I need acceptance from everyone, as this is something beautiful that God has called me to.

There are so many people that "have someone that they want me to meet". Therefore, I had to share it here because even though it's something to be excited about, it's really weird having my thoughts and dreams transform from where they have always been. I definitely still have some fears, but God is working me through them, and He will continue to do so.

Thank you for allowing me to share this new calling and blessing.

Clarity through a spotted glass
gives hardly the answers needed

Adding dirt to the lens
for hope that shouldn't exist

Fears and unknowns
selfishness and awkwardness
keep people from knowing others

World's lack of understanding
see the impossibilities
of serious issues being absent

Brokenness comes
Brokenness goes

Fixing the clarity with superglue
and being the power substance



Brokenness needs to return
Without putting spots on the glass

Cycle

Implant
Transformation
Consumption
Obsession
Doubt
Wonder
Confirmation
Faith
Risk
Go

CHOICES

Risk of losing dreams

Stepping out in faith

Risk of hearing no

Chance of hearing yes

and Go

Seeing these kids every day

Helping out in any way

Supporting myself financially

Figuring out how to work my sponsorship of Jesus

Getting to know the distant ones

Supervising... something that's not done often

Ability to still lead trips for our church

Staying where I am

Staying in constant wonder

Continuing on

Teach the Prims

Teach the 4s and 5s

Lead trips once a month

Never growing

Always staying

Go for the other direction

Seeing if Esther is right

Is it worth the risk? Is it worth going for? What could I lose?

just Everything....

Please pray.


In the past 6 months, I have felt like God was leading me in 2 completely different directions. I love the children at our church, but I also love the children in Mexico. My heart is torn and different people have said things that would seem to direct me in opposite directions.

When I was in Magdalena last month talking to Marcos (the owner of our favorite restaurant & friend of Manuel's), he stated that he is going to have free wireless internet in his restaurant for his customers. This got me thinking.... Right now, I am based out of the Tampa office for work and I have the ability to work from home. How awesome would it be to work from home but live in Mexico? I already have a meeting to talk to my rep and director tomorrow regarding something else, so I am probably going to bring up this possibility to them then. I would like to be a self-supporting missionary to those kids, and I believe that God was the one that put this idea in my head and heart. I still have fears though that my dream will be crushed and not be a possibility.

There are a lot of other little things that I would need help with like getting out of my current lease, finding the place to move into, and finding a new Prims teacher. I wouldn't want to leave anyone hanging, but at the same time, if God calls me to it, I can't be too worried about it. It's all under His control, and only He knows the full picture.