Explanation from yesterday's post...I needed more clarity to know that this is something that is entirely from God and what God has for me. I needed more confirmation before I was able to truly share it with anyone. Well, yesterday God gave me all of that.

Clarity through a spotted glass
gives hardly the answers needed
Adding dirt to the lens
for hope that shouldn't exist

On Tuesday night, I made the following comment to Susie and Amy, "I would rather be single the rest of my life and not bear any children of my own than marry a man that did not have a heart for the kids in Mexico." Later on that night, as we were talking, it hit me. God has been changing my heart these past few months so much. He has been replacing the part of my heart that wants to get married and have kids with love for these kids. He has given me a transplant. Yet, because I have wanted these things for so long, I kept thinking yesterday that maybe it was just God's way of preparing me for who He does have for me....hence the false hope.

Fears and unknowns
selfishness and awkwardness
keep people from knowing others

I have never hated being single, but this I do hate. I hate how some people in my extended group of friends will never befriend me because I am single. Yet, if I was to get a boyfriend, then I would be included in their little mini circle and be included. They would ask to go on double dates and find that we have a lot in common. It mind boggles me that I need a man to be someone's friend. I understand when people feel awkward to talk about certain things in front of "singles", but at the same time, it should never mean that people can not be on an intimate level or even just more than acquaintances.

World's lack of understanding
see the impossibilities
of serious issues being absent

Throughout my whole life, people are going to ask me why I am single. People already do. Many times people think there has to be something wrong with someone if they are not with anyone. The world has begun to understand singleness, but the world will never understand celibacy.

Brokenness comes
Brokenness goes

Fixing the clarity with super glue
and being the power substance

So many times, like Oz stated in a post a couple weeks ago, we consider ourselves a 3rd option to serve. In the same way, we think it's fine to try to fix and help ourselves, when we know that God is truly the only one that can help and heal us.

Brokenness needs to return
Without putting spots on the glass

Oh... the brokenness and the clarity definitely returned yesterday. He confirmed it.

For those of you I haven't been able to tell this to, there's one more thing. A few weeks ago, I ended my friendship with Jason. Honestly, it kind of seems like since then, I have been speaking about it like I have been cleansed from an addiction. It's been 2 weeks since I last talked to him! It's been 3 weeks......! Yesterday, God showed me this truth:

You had to end your friendship with Jason for me to show you this clarity. You have always used Jason as your hope that a guy would fall in love with you and that you'll one day get married and have kids. (He played me like no other and yet it made me feel like it is possible for people to be interested in me). Now I am able to give you this clarity. I am able to show you My true desires for you.

God continued to minister to me and break me down. I was driving and bawling. I am not sad, I am not discouraged, and I am actually getting kind of excited. I know now why He has protected me and tried so hard to keep me sexually pure. I know now why every time I tried to go outside of that He has made it almost not enjoyable. I don't need encouragement that this might be a phase or a stage.

I need acceptance from everyone, as this is something beautiful that God has called me to.

There are so many people that "have someone that they want me to meet". Therefore, I had to share it here because even though it's something to be excited about, it's really weird having my thoughts and dreams transform from where they have always been. I definitely still have some fears, but God is working me through them, and He will continue to do so.

Thank you for allowing me to share this new calling and blessing.