Why is it that some days just start bad and stay bad for a good long while.... Yesterday was one of those days. It started with remembering at 5:25 a.m. that I had a conference call at 5:30 a.m. Yep, that's the beauty of being based on the east coast. It lasted for about an hour and fifteen minutes and it mostly consisted of my VP talking about how we need to be more like a hockey team but kind of like a basketball team as well.... It wasn't a good call because our branch did not hit our needed revenue sales to reach our budget, but no actions are being taken...yet.

My day continues on to where I begin to go through everyone's blogs and see how they are doing. I come across one friend's blog where it was pretty obvious he was having a super hard time. I pray for him, but I can feel the heaviness of the attacks that he is facing because I can relate and how real he was able to portray it.

I get to work. I find out that things were miscommunicated on Friday, so I ended out causing 2 of my teammates extra work. I hate that.

I then get the e-mail about the orphanage. I am in shock... I can't believe the fact that God allowed him to stay there that long. I am pissed off and I can't handle the fact that I am not going to see those kids for another 2 1/2 weeks. I want to go today, this weekend.... but I can't. Knowing I have to obedient, express patience, self control and the liking does not help when I know that they may have been harmed and that I am unsure if the owner of the orphanage knows the seriousness of this stipulation. I couldn't get ahold of anyone (except DD who I was already on the phone with), and all I wanted was for people to know and pray... but I battled with telling the prayer group and blogging about it because I don't want to solicite the situation and make it worse in anyway. I didn't want me blogging about it to prevent from these bastards getting caught.

Finally, my day continues. Again, at work, in the afternoon, up walks a guy from my past. He's not one very many people have heard about, because I am so ashamed. I talk to him for a few minutes, he introduced me to his new colleague, asks me what I was doing last night.... and my flesh inside me was so weak that I could only think about how attractive and amazingly hot I think he is. Yet, somehow... I tell him my plans and turn him down. He walked away, and then I tell my one friend at work that can truly hold me accountable. He knows that I am called to singleness, but he joked and told me that I should test my strength with going out with this guy... No, I know my weaknesses, and he is one of them. I won't make that same mistake again, especially now that I know the life that God has called me to.

Church was actually great... no complaints there.

Poker... besides getting out early, it gets to be the same routine. The same people. The same comments. The same questions. One guy asks me everytime we have a conversation if I have a boyfriend yet. He hasn't asked me for a few months, but I try to tell him that I just don't need one and that I don't have time for one... everything except the bold truth. I am afraid he wouldn't understand it and think that I am a freak. How do I share it with people like that? So, he continues to ask me to dinner every 5-10 minutes we're at the table. Now, this one is just kind of entertaining, I couldn't get mad at this guy, because he's half-way joking and just having fun... but even still... after seeing the guy from my past earlier in the day, it was just icing on the cake.

Today is now a good day. A new day. I know that God loves the kids more than I do and that He has protected them, and He will continue to. My friend is doing much better and has received much prayer and needed info. Sometimes, it is the other stuff, that doesn't really matter... and I wonder.... Are times that we truly worry about stuff because we're trying to be God and not handing it over to Him?