The Passion of the Christ

Praise You Lord that You are able to be seen in our secular world.
Praise You that You always reveal Yourself to this darkened world.
Praise You that You save all people, from the beggars to the stars.
Praise You Lord that You died so that ALL may live and share life in You.

This movie was very good. It was pretty accurate, and I think that they did an amazing way of interpreting the scriptures and putting them into a film. There were some parts that were hard to watch, yet it is no where near as gory as it should have been. Jesus was scourged 39 times (3 separate times) - that's a total of 108 scourges at that one time (?). It was illegal to scourge someone 40 times, so they would always punish people 40 - 1. Yet, Jesus was not recognizable as a human. He was the perfect sacrifice - the slaughtered lamb, that the ravenous wolves came and feed upon. Yet, this is the only way our sins could ever be forgiven. I must say it was very hard for me to watch some of the scenes in that movie, yet they don't even really compare to the reality of it. You had it so much worse Jesus. This was the last 12 hours of Christ's life, yet we watched it in two. I don't know how You did it Lord. You truly are an Amazing God. Thank You Lord for all that You did just because there would be no forgiveness of sins without the shedding of blood. Praise You Lord for Your goodness, Your mercy, and Your grace!

Isaiah 53:11b - 12
By His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify many, for He shall bear their iniquities. Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great, and He shall divide the spoil with the strong, because He poured out His soul unto death, and He was numbered with the transgressors, and he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

Who is harder on us? God or ourselves?

At work, I don't think that there is a single Christian around me - well maybe one or two - the two new guys that started about a month ago. Yet, it is so amazing to hear the words that come out of the mouths of my other teammates. To call God a she and for someone to say they are not worried about heaven but they just want to make their customer's happy. . . other people celebrate how long they haven't gone to church. . . there are two mormon's on my team. . . . and others just love their sinful lives, they might not be happy, but they sure do love all of their sins.
Once I began to see how lost everyone around me is, I wanted to try to make more of an effort to be available for God to use me there. If by some way I could be a light to the people around me, I want it to be done. I want to shine. Yet, there are so many times that I get stressed out. . . . especially lately. I felt like I was yelling at people on the phone (HP, Qlogic). I would also say things about other people that are so not edifying. Yet, Friday one of the people I work with told me that she could tell when I get stressed out by the way that I sit. She also told me that she has never heard me be mean to anyone. Yes I have. . . to her even. How could she forget the way that I was rude to her just the week before. How could she overlook all of the times I would demand service from a manufacturer or another reseller? Maybe I'm not yelling, but I'm just being assertive. Whatever, they are pretty much the same to me. Yet, was she telling me in her own subtle way that I may still be used as a light. . . can people really overlook my flaws and still see Jesus in me? I know Jesus forgives me for my sins, but I still feel like a failure as a light. . . Yet, maybe God was trying to show me that I can still be used. . . that He can go past all of my weaknesses and still use me in my job. Praise You Lord for that.

I know that my job has been used by God to teach me a few things. When I first started working with special needs children, I did not want to do it because I didn't have the patience for it. Then God told me, "And I can't give you patience?". Not that I am the most patient person in the world, but I must say that God has followed through with His word. When it comes to kids, I can be pretty patient - it doesn't matter the rate at which they develop. They are kids, and I can understand why they do some of the things they do that can try us. Yet, with adults, I have a lot less patience. I think because I expect more out of them. One day, I think after I got off the phone with Austin from Bubbles Car Wash, (I hope he's not a blogger). . .God told me, "I have given you patience with kids, now you need to trust Me to give you patience with adults." Is there a better place for that then customer service? I think not. The past week has been evident that God has been working that in me. . . I have been a lot less stressed out and nicer to people.
Another funny thing is ever since I have bought things on my own, I have never been one to return anything. I don't know why, maybe because I felt bad about returning it or maybe I thought the people would get mad at me for it. . . Kind of funny that I work in the returns department and allow people to return things everyday. It was when I was shopping for my new bedroom that I started to realize what God was doing. I had bought a sheet set at Walmart and some pillowcases. It wasn't until I was making my bed when I realized that the sheet set came with pillow cases. I didn't need any extra, and so I should return the extra pillowcases, right? I didn't even have to think about it, I just did it. I returned them. Then, it was after I left with my money that I realized that God is doing yet another work in me. He has given me more confidence and shown me that He can use all aspects of my job to help me grow spiritually. He can also use me with the people around me. It's amazing how God works!

Few people actually know about how spiritually unhealthy it was for me to be living with my parents. At times, I began to take on my parents bad characteristics. I took on my mom's insecurities and my dad's temper. It's not a good combination - trust me! Then I had an offer to move in with the Cloud's. I had been wanting that for quite some time, people had told me in the past that it would be a great place for me to live. Yet, I would never want to burden anyone or for them to feel obligated to help me out. I also didn't want for it to look like I was making a big deal out of nothing about my parents. It's just kind of hard to explain. They have never encouraged me to seek the Lord. In fact, when I was younger and I would come home from church camp - I was always so hungry for the Word. If I went in my room and read my Bible, my dad would get mad at me. He missed me after me being gone for a week, and he felt that I could always read my Bible later. It was always more important to spend time with him than for me to read the Bible or do a study. Sometimes he would say, why don't you read in here or study in here. Other times, I think he felt convicted and he would say, you should probably do that in the other room. It was always a stressful situation, and no matter what I did - I always failed them.

Now I live with the Clouds. Even though I don't see them much - it makes me so happy to go home at night. It is so much for healthy spiritually. Just to see how they all relate with each other is awesome. Last Saturday, everybody was home. It was so cute to see how Jennah was playing with Mandy, and Noah was playing with Ben. Then, Noah was playing with Mandy, and Jennah was playing with Ben. They continued switching parents and playing with each other. Both kids and parents were getting individualized attention from the other. Then, they all played together a game of Crazy 8's. It was such a blessing to be able to observe that. I love living there, and I must say I never thought that I could be blessed this much. I don't think that I could ask for a better living situation for me. They are truly an awesome, incredible family.