Sometimes I think "What am I hearing? Who am I listening to? How am I supposed to respond to it?" So then I wonder, what if I am putting these thoughts into my own head. Maybe, just maybe I want to hear what I want so bad that I say it to myself. Then I go into the mode, "Maybe my whole way of wanting answers is so clogged up in my head that I couldn't hear God if He was even trying to speak to me." Then I go to, "Well, God always talks, so Lord, open up and clear my mind that I may hear what You are saying not what I am trying to make myself hear what I want to hear. I want to know what you desire."

Just a few thoughts that go through my mind, a kind of spiritual warfare. Jesus promises in John 10:3-4 "To him the doorkeeper opens, and the sheep hear his voice; and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. And when he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice."

I know I am His sheep and HE is my shephard. Even when satan tries to lead me astray or attempts to 'answer' the questions going through my head, I am not going to follow. This is what this verse means, right? Yet, Jesus will guide me and show me because I belong to Him and He is going to guide me in the ways in which I shall go. I am supposed to always be able to discern what He is calling me to do. Yet, what if I don't want to, then what? I still belong to Him and my free will takes over. Now I don't want this to happen, yet I know I choose the other way all the time. If I didn't I would be sinless, and I am clearly not. So is this just an honest attempt to show the every-day struggles in my life. Maybe. Does it mean it makes since. Clearly not. It only makes since to me. I realize this, yet, I know that when I do discern and be obedient to God, then it makes it easier for me to hear Him the next time. So, Lord, Help me be obedient to You and hear what You are telling me to do.

All this for, I finally have peace regarding the whole women issue. I need not to worry about it any more. The whole conflict in my head was killing me and just confusing me so much that it felt like my mind was leaving my body. Yet, I have it once again. Wahoo! I hope and pray I have the right interpretation this time. So, I am not to interupt service or teach man. This is how I now look at this verse. (1 Cor. 14:34-35) I now have peace and the comfort that the only Lord can fill. He is good. After years of trying to study and figure out the verses, I now know what He calls me to follow.