Lately I have been so blessed to see so much beauty. I´m not talking about Hollywood type beauty, I´m talking about real-life, beautiful acts from beautiful people beauty.

Here´s what I mean...

On Sunday, we were all just sitting around watching a movie when Jorge started to massage the top of Claudia´s feet (she kept her ballerina style shoes on), and he must have done it for a good 20 minutes or so. Then, after he was done, he finished by kissing both of her feet. Not even 5 minutes passed by when he started giving Alexis a back massage. This little 10 year-old boy is already learning how to be like Jesus. It´s the small things that matter and make such a big impression on other people´s hearts.

Yesterday, I went with Chloe and Claudia to visit someone in a nearby city. They really weren´t too excited to go, but they decided to go to be there for their friend and support her. I could tell they were uncomfortable the entire time, but they were very polite. Claudia tried everything that was given to her and ate even when she didn´t like it. I was so proud as to how the two of them handled themselves. It is when we love people that are extremely different than us and that we might not be able to understand when they can see the love of God shine through us.

I have really been enjoying getting to know Bob and Joy and their family more. I don´t know why it amazes me so much to see Joy sitting and reading a book with one of the boys or playing a memory game with them, or even just giving them back or neck massages. I also don´t know why it is so wonderful to witness Bob giving the boys hugs (and even kisses at times) or even just how he shares devotions and the word of God with them daily. This is beauty. This is what life is all about.

Here, on this earth, the point of life is to bring people to Christ. It´s to make an impact on other little lives that our heavenly Father loves so much. It´s to direct them to God. As one of the other refuge places for children puts it, the most important rule is to live your life by respecting God. Yes, this may be their first rule, but it´s the same as the first commandment in both the Old and New Testaments. If we live our life trying to respect God, we will be beautiful, because it´s His love and beauty that will be shining through us.

God is true to His word. When you ask, you shall receive, and it is true.

I have been asking God to show me what He wants me to do with Humberto and if he is supposed to be in my life or not and if I was called to be his mom. I have received some good advice (which was a no), but I wanted God to confirm it. I also asked Him to show me whatever wickedness is within me, and He showed me that too! God is good. Here´s what I have been learning:

- No, I am not called to be Humberto´s mom. I am not strong enough by myself to parent. I need someone else to balance me out and to see when I am harmful to a kid and not helping him. (It´s always so much easier to see the dysfunctional aspects of others.)

- Oscar and Lorenzo came to the house today and said that Humberto wanted 3 yogurts and 3 juices. I told them no, that I am not able to give him anything. Oscar said, "We can just say that they are from me" (this is what we just did on Saturday!). See the wickedness! Then, I said, "No, I am not going to take part in you or Humberto needing to say lies just so he can have some things. Lying is wrong and bad and it´s not right, so we need to stop. We can not do things that we would have to lie about later." Oscar understood and I am sure that Humberto will be mad at me, but I don´t care anymore. I have learned that if Humberto only wanted me in his life to buy him things, then I shouldn´t be in his life. If there´s ever a time where Manuel and Gaby allow me into his life, then that is fine, but for right now, I am content and realize that I should not be in his life due to the bad choices I have made. He´s very manipulative and it´s hard to realize when he´s doing it and for those reasons, I am not strong enough right now to be in his life and be a good influence for him. I love him, that will never change, but this is how I can love him. Manuel and Gaby were very wise when they told me that I could help by not coming back. It hurt at the time, but now I can honestly see how right they were.


Other updates....

Last Thursday was the day of the teacher, so we had a party at my school and then there was a party for all the teachers in the town hall. Both were good experiences and it´s great to be able to eat some good Mexican food and enjoy the company of my "colleagues"...haha. Friday was a day off and I have this Friday off too because it´s the Day of the Sturdents.

I am teaching English at the other orphanage most days during the week. It has been a good and healthy experience for me. I have been so blessed by the family that owns it, the lady that is on staff, and all of the kids there. It´s great to be able to have a healthy balance of time there and time away. I was at CdE way too much which caused problems and even made me have the rational of a child. Yet, now, the kids have to respect me as a some-what authority figure, and for that, it calls me to live a life with more integrity and worthy of respect. It makes me think a lot more before I speak or act. I know I have made some mistakes already (like when I was jumping over the bushes with the kids in the town square and playing tag around the band stage), but I will learn and I will get better and become a better example. God is working a lot in me right now, and I am doing good. It feels great to feel like I have a clean slate and to know and be able to see God working in my life.

Saturday one of the boys from the orphanage came to my house with one of his friends and I told him that I am not allowed to take them to their soccer games anymore. A little while later, Oscar (grandson of Nana Angelina) and Lorenzo (Elsa´s son) came over before their games and I got to chat with them a bit and I took them to the soccer field.

For the most part, I do fine. It´s been over 2 weeks since I have seen Humberto and it´s been 12 days since I have written him a letter. It´s hard, and sometimes I break down and cry because it´s not easy to go through this. Yet, I am following the rules and I am doing my best to understand and move on.

Yet, God knows this, and He knows me, and I was really encouraged by reading verses 23 and 24 out of Psalm 139 on Saturday:

Search me, O God, and know my heart (and hurts);
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.


Lately, I have been reminded of how much God knows about everything that is going on in our lives. He sees our every move, He knows our every thought, and nothing is hidden from Him. At times, it causes anxiousness, but at other times, it really is comforting to know how much He cares and loves us. I am so thankful to have my Jesus be the Lord of my heart and my life.

Mother´s Day

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother´s Day - whether or not you were celebrated or you celebrated your mom, wife, step-mom, or all of the above.

I feel like my Mother´s Day was four days long. It was good though.

Last Thursday, we started making the gifts for the moms at the high school I work at. See, every school in Mexico throws their own party for the moms of the students in the school. It´s a huge deal, and it´s great how much effort everyone puts into it. Also, on Thursday, I got my "good-bye" letter from the boy I used to sponsor. In it he closed with "Thank you for your attention and being my sponsor. You were a good mother. I love you." Now for those of you that have been blessed to know him, you know he´s not really one that expresses himself too much in this way, so it means that much more. It was also great to see how much he has processed and accepted the changes that have come into our lives. Whoever sponsors him now will be blessed by him as I have been.

Friday, we spent the day cleaning the school for the party. This made the 2nd day in a row without any real classes... Got to love it! Then, on Friday night, we had the party. About 40 of the 53 parents showed up, so we had a great turn out. I participated in a skit about how I was a lazy and worry-free mom who´s daughter was pregnant and my husband was very strict. I never act, but I did because they never take no for an answer. The moms loved it, they were laughing the entire time. Then, 2 acts later, I was a clown. Yep, me a clown.... and we had to dance and we had 3 moms play musical chairs... After that, we went to the Town Hall to perform as clowns in front of 300 people. Now, I was originally told when I agreed to go to the town hall that we would be doing the skit. Doing a 3 minute skit isn´t that big of deal, but we ended out being clowns for 30 minutes... Yes, that´s right, 30 minutes. I told them I don´t sing or dance, but you guessed it, we danced again. I was completely out of my element and being stretched like no other, but there was nothing I could do about it... I was forced to do it. My sister made the comment of how much I have changed from the shy kid that I was. Oh no, I haven´t changed, I am still shy, I just suck it up and get whatever I need to do over with.

Saturday, I went to the US to surprise my mom for Mother´s Day. My dad and mom´s jaws dropped when I walked in the door. They thought I would be going up the following weekend but I changed my mind. It was great to see them.

Then, Sunday, I worked for my mom in the nursery at her church. We went to my grandma´s afterwards and then went to dinner together at night. It was a great day celebrating my mom, grandma, and sister and their motherhood. Even though I am not a mother, it is great to celebrate others and to see their beauty and influence in the lives of their children. May all the women we know by the beautiful influence and example that God created them to be for their children.

If anyone has ever thought that I was innocent in how I got asked not to return to CdE, think again. To clear up any misinterpretation, here are the reasons why I deserved it:

• I brought the boy I sponsor lots of food on the premises and nearly everyday. It was everything from yogurts, bananas, drinks, tacos, hamburgers and fries, candy, sandwiches, chips.... you get the picture.
• I gave him things that he was not allowed to have (air soft guns, lighters).
• I brought him things to help them make a bomb from soda cans (hairspray and lighter).
• In the beginning, I shared with the kids problems I had with some of the staff (not the main leaders) to try to help them understand it´s not just them. In Febuary, I learned my lesson and I started to try to explain to them that respecting and helping the leaders will only help them have favor and have an easier life (plus, it´s what is right).
• I corrected the kids when they misspelled words that they really didn´t need to know and gave them the meaning.
• I allowed kids at the house when I knew they didn´t have permission.

Here´s what I have done now that I realize and can see all the things I have done. I will not make these mistakes ever again. I have learned my lesson, and am repentant - not just forgiven. I have turned the other way and started to walk in it.

• I do not bring the girls to Grimac anymore. I´m not allowed to have contact with them outside of school, and so I can not do that.
• I am no longer going to write the boy I sponsored letters or see him. I wrote him a good bye letter if you will just so that he would understand the new rules that we need to follow. It will be hard, but it´s what we need to do. We are strong people and we can and will do it.
• The others will not be an issue at the new place that I am serving.

Please know that I am sure this was not an easy decision for the leaders to make, but it was a right decision. I can see it now, and I have been deserving of this for a while. I can change and I wish I could show them that, but I understand and respect their decision.

On a lighter note... Today we are celebrating Mother´s Day at the high school I teach at. I have to dress up in 2 different costumes and be a part of 2 different skits... We´re even doing one of them in the town square. I´m really nervous and I don´t really want to do it. Pray for me please.

When some doors close, others open.

I received a letter today explaining that I can not go back to CdE - ever. I´m not the only one getting kicked off. The people that are getting kicked off are people that have been helping out with the orphanage for 5 and 7 years. People that the kids love and adore and more importantly, that the kids know love and adore them. I am astonished by it, but it´s okay. My God prepared me for it.

This weekend I went to another orphanage in town. It is ran by a couple from Indiana that moved here 5 years ago. I love their family. I had a wonderful time getting to know their 11 boys (ranging in ages from 8-13) and helping them play their recorders. On Sunday, I went to their church service, had lunch, and then helped teach them recorders for 6 hours straight. I literally didn´t move from my spot on the couch. One of the boys was worried that I was going to get dehydrated, so he brought me some water and made me drink it right then. Last night, there was a Christian concert and message in the town square. We took the kids there and I was in charge of the neighbor that basically lives at the orphanage. It was so awesome to be able worship with the people of the town and to see a skit about the girl "that was just sleeping" that Jesus raised from the dead because of the faith of her parents.

These kids are already asking me when they can see me again. I talked to the leaders and they want me to start helping with English, Math, and possibly music. Me, help teach music, how funny is that? Yet, I´m learning quickly and when it´s something as easy as the recorder, yes, even I can help with it. So, I am waiting to hear about the times that I can go and help out. I am excited for this new door that is opening.

Pray for the kids that they will be able to understand and that they will be comforted. They are who I feel for, not me.

Wednesday was Children´s Day (or The Day of the Kid). It was a great day. A gift of heaven really.

I decided to give the kids at Grimac a "Free Class". Even though they are not kids - they´re teenagers - they still deserve the right to have a day off.

My day continued to when I was able to see all of the kids from the junior high at the orphange (except Jesus) outside of the store next to my house. It was so cute because one of the girls yelled "line" and they all got in a line to give me a hug and a kiss. A few stayed back to talk for a few minutes before they had to rush to catch up with their teacher and the rest of the class.

Since I knew I wouldn´t be able to see the kids, I wrote 8 of them letters reminding them how important their lives are and how God has made them perfectly and wonderfully. This is something that they need to know as one of them was actually "thrown away" at age seven by her mother (if she deserves that title).

One of the kids from the high school I teach at keeps on inviting me to all sorts of places (the hypmotist circus, his mom´s fashion show) and reminding me how he doesn´t want me to leave. I have to say, I love this town, more than just the orphanage, and I love being yelled at by my students anytime I go anywhere... They do hold dear places in my heart and it seems that even though I quit youth ministry back in 2006, it never quite leaves me. Nor, would I ever want it to.