In the past, I never shared about my "hard times" while I was living in Mexico. For one, I don't like worrying people when it's unnecessary. I also heard some rumors about me that went around my old church - that are not true. So, to kill two birds with one stone, I think I'll share about one of my experiences.
One day, my sister and niece came to visit me. While my sister was on a pay phone in town, I took my niece back to my house to use the restroom. Low and behold, I had a teenager that used to live at CdE waiting for me at my house. I invited him in, fed him, and found out what has happened in his life in the few months that I didn't see him.
After then seeking counsel from my new bosses (so to speak) at CT, I went to DIF Imuris and asked them for assistance. They told me I had to go onto CdE's property (even though I wasn't allowed on) to get Mario for his assistance. After complications and following instructions, I took the teen to DIF Magdalena that same day where they allowed temporary custody to a man that was willing to take him in.
About two weeks later, two 10 and 12 year old girls ran away from CdE. They came to my house to say goodbye and asked me to help them. I told them that they were not allowed to be at my house and that I could not help them in anyway. After seeing many tears on their little faces - refusing to accept no, I told them that I could only bring them to DIF. In the previous situation, everyone told me that I needed to go to DIF, so this is what I thought was the responsible, right, and law-abiding thing to do. Yet, I had been to DIF Imuris multiple times, and they have never truly helped me. So, in an effort to get immediate help, I was going to take them to DIF Magdalena.
While we were on the way, I got "pulled over" by the psychologist from CdE. Then, the owners of the orphanage blocked me in the front. From misunderstanding came anger. At first, they just wanted to call another lady from DIF, take the girls, and go on our ways. Then, something changed and they decided to call the local police. They came, and they asked for the keys to my car. One of the officers drove my car while I went in the Police truck. The girls were supposed to go in my car, but one of the girls was crying so vehemently, that the officer ordered the DIF psychologist to stop holding her back and allowed her to come with me in the truck.
Upon reaching the police station, we played the waiting game. It seemed to take forever. I was crying uncontrollably for fear of what was going to happen. Everyone assured me that I would be going home that day, but I wasn't sure if I could trust them. The older of the two girls, came over to me, hugged me, and told me she loved me. Now, she was my favorite of all of the girls at CdE, we have always had a special bond, and it was the first time she ever told me that. The newest psychologist to the orphanage then yelled at her and said, "And that is exactly why she is here and she is in trouble!".
They then got all of the officials and began the paperwork with the girls and the orphanage staff. I was placed in a holding cell during that time. During the 4 hours I was in there (everything takes longer in Mexico), I was asked if I had family in town, what happened, was told excessively by "visitors" and "workers" that I was beautiful, and asked if I needed anything to drink or eat. It definitely was not what I considered a normal police station experience - yet, it did smell like feces. (PS. If you lack self esteem, go to Mexico, they are very complimentary there.)
I was then taken to the police commander's office where we sat and chatted for 3 hours waiting for my "accuser" to come. I got to talking to him for a long time. After he was giving me sort of a lecture, he then remembered me when I was a clown in the town hall for the celebration of Mother's Day. I confirmed that it was me, and then he said this, "Your love is perfect, and your love is pure. Yet, these children come from bad homes. They can say that they love you as a mom, but some of their moms did inappropriate things with them, so they don't understand your pure love. So, until you're 40, don't tell a kid that you love them, because they might not understand it the right way." This was the first time I had ever looked at it like that, and it was such an eye opener for me. He then proceeded to ask me to marry him, and he even found me a god mother (even though I told him I wasn't Catholic). He also gave me his cell phone number and told me that if any other kid came to my house, to call him, and that he would come over and help them and solve the situation for me.
Side note: I did end out having to call him later on for another situation, and it was resolved in 10 minutes flat!
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Okay, now for the real reason for this post -
I always prided myself in being able to tell the kids the next time I would see them and following through on the promise. So, whether it was "until tomorrow" or "until next week" or "until next month", they usually had a date as to when I would return.
Then, yesterday I read verses 61 and 62 from Luke 9, and it hit me in a way that it never has before:
(In response to Jesus saying "Follow Me.") - And another also said, "Lord, I will follow You, but let me first go and bid them farewell who are at my house." But Jesus said to him, "No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God."
Wow... Sometimes the only thing that is hard for me from not being able to see the kiddos in Mexico, is that I didn't get to say "Goodbye for good" to most of them. I said, "until ...." and so I feel so bad that my last thing was an unfulfilled promise. Yet, now I know, I will never say that again, because life is uncertain, and in the end, I need to be obedient to God, and sometimes we don't know all His plans and whether or not we are called to stay or go. So, if I ever do go back to an orphanage, I will learn and say, "Until next time" or "Until God allows us to meet again". I am fit for the kingdom of God due to God's mercy, grace, and love, and it may take time, but I am learning - even if it is just one thing at a time.
8 comments:
Wow
It's sad that people have to be so suspicious and that even the definition of love is skewed for these kids.
However, your love for them is pure. I hope and pray that you will get to come back sometime. They need to be loved like that.
I am encouraged by your optimism and unconditional obedience to God.
There are always two sides to every story. Your narrative tells your side, and from the traditional perspective you went trough a terrible experience, yet...
I can't help but get frustrated when we (americans) go to abroad and assume we can do better to them than they can do to themselves. They know their system, and if we want to help them, the best thing is to empower them to make their decisions and not to attempt to make them for them. Your actionslisted here, read objectively, constitute an amdbuction, not only in Mexico, but here, in the US as well. That, not mentioning that a woman your age had a teenager boy in your house... and one who had lived a rough life. Your arguments about the love these children had for you are infantile. Any child who has ran away (especially a troubled child), or one who knows they can get what that way, will look for support in those who are willing to provide it, (most children learn to manipulate before they are three). You need to be more mature, and realize that an orphanage does not have "owners", and that just because a ran-away child wants to go with you, that would be what is best for the child.
If the girls ran away, and you can't go there, call the orphanage, the local police, or ask someone to notify the orphanage... sadly, your story seems to be somewhat justifying and not one of true reflection. I suggest you quit hiding behind the comfort of naivness, and humble yourself enough to admit you (like anyone else) have been just as wrong or anger driven as anyone else...
I must post this anonymously because you know me, and I don't mean to hurt you. I care about you and I feel I must be hard on you so you can once and for all be humble enough to admit your failures to yourself. If taht ever happens, I know you will then begin posting about the wonderfult people (your age) you met and learned so much from... If you did.
Be kind, be humble... keep this posted.
By the way, please forgive my grammar in the previous post. I am typing in a hurry. I just wanted to add... don't assume you know better than the psycholgist, or the police commander, or even the "owners" of CdeE, or even the DIF authorities.
Wow, that's arrogant!!!
Try googling "American narcissism"
Thank you Shay for your encouraging words.
To Anonymous,
I did not try to post this from my side, I actually tried to post things in a factual manner and not necessarily from my experience. This post contains the facts, and in my opinion, not a lot of my emotions from it.
While I was living in Mexico, I learned a lot about people in general as well as from their culture. There are actually a lot of things that they do right and we do wrong. I do think that there are other things where the reverse is true as well. I hope and pray that we can all learn from each other while we are blessed to participate in other cultures and live together.
In response to allowing the teenage boy to stay with me - it was a decision that I made carelessly, and I tried to correct it and rectify it as soon as possible. I immediately went for advice on how to handle the situation. He was like a little brother to me, and I honestly don't think he would have ever harmed me. Yet, later when he would visit me, I saw the manipulations, and I did cease all communication with him at that point. I never thought my house was the best place for him, which is why he lived in Magdalena - and later in Imuris with a family.
Please understand that when you are put in a unsure situation, it is hard to know how to handle it. In Mexico, you have to prepay for your cell phone usage, and sadly, I didn't always have money on it to where I could make outgoing calls - which was the situation on this day.
I have made a lot of mistakes, and I continue to make mistakes daily. However, the rumor that went around my old church was that I went to jail for trying to sneak a kid across the border - which never happened. Thank you for your opinions, you brought up a lot of good points and I am doing my best.
I love and respect all of the workers, volunteers, and children at the orphanages that I was blessed to be a part of - that will never change.
Wow! Anonymous sounds like she knows it all. Kind of like the letters and emails she sends.
I know you Hannah, and know that the love you had for those kids was the "agape" type love. In my mind, and I am sure in God's too, you did nothing wrong. The only thing that you did wrong was disobey the leaders at the orphanage and for that you repented and are forgiven.
The last comment by anonymous called you arrogant. She sure likes to call people names. In my opinion, not very Christlike!
The lasy anonymous... No, you don't know who I am... how terrible it is to make assumptions.
Also... I think you have just associated my comment to Hannah, NOT ME. I only described the attitude. An arrogant attitude is someone we can all have at a point in time, that does not make us an arrogant person.
Hannah, your response was very mature, and something I am glad I read. The last annonymous has made a mistake assuming I am someone (I think) YOU know I am not.
Oh? But I really do think I know who you are, and if it is who I think it is? Who are you to judge? Yank that plank out of your eye, it grosses me out.
To both anonymouses....
I'm honestly not quite sure I know who the first one is (I have a guess), but I do know who the second is. I am like everyone else, and I need to be held accountable and I need people's perspectives (because honestly, sometimes I think more about my own). Thank you everyone for your encouragement, accountability, and love. Please don't fight on my behalf. :) Thank you all.
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