Perhaps everything terrible is, in its deepest being, something that needs our love.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

As yesterday came to an end, I realized how true this statement is.

For the past week and a half, a child has entered my life, and for the first time ever, I have struggled to love him. From his overwhelming need of everyone's attention, to his weird screams and yelps, to his sudden poundings on the floor or on his head - he's hard to get used to.

It probably wouldn't be that hard to love him, if it wasn't for the fact that I am "around" him 8 to 12 hours a day, trying and secretly wanting to avoid him - the entire time.

Then, there are moments where I am so tired of fighting - refusing to let evil win, wanting to be more like the angelic example from the only other adult around full time - and I give in.

I think about the church service where the guest speaker tells him to pay attention, reassures him that me and the angel love him, that the other children love him, and that he doesn't need to have attention all the time. When he said these words, I was hoping they were true and I was hoping he saw something in me I wasn't sure even existed.

Then, I go back to reality, my arms getting sore from scratching 2 backs simultaneously, as both children are leaning on me slightly, and this unwanted child comes over in my only unoccupied space as I am sinking into the chair. He puts his head towards mine, and in that moment, I feel I honestly love him, and I kiss the crown of his head. He stood there for a minute, then left satisfied.