God is true to His word. When you ask, you shall receive, and it is true.
I have been asking God to show me what He wants me to do with Humberto and if he is supposed to be in my life or not and if I was called to be his mom. I have received some good advice (which was a no), but I wanted God to confirm it. I also asked Him to show me whatever wickedness is within me, and He showed me that too! God is good. Here´s what I have been learning:
- No, I am not called to be Humberto´s mom. I am not strong enough by myself to parent. I need someone else to balance me out and to see when I am harmful to a kid and not helping him. (It´s always so much easier to see the dysfunctional aspects of others.)
- Oscar and Lorenzo came to the house today and said that Humberto wanted 3 yogurts and 3 juices. I told them no, that I am not able to give him anything. Oscar said, "We can just say that they are from me" (this is what we just did on Saturday!). See the wickedness! Then, I said, "No, I am not going to take part in you or Humberto needing to say lies just so he can have some things. Lying is wrong and bad and it´s not right, so we need to stop. We can not do things that we would have to lie about later." Oscar understood and I am sure that Humberto will be mad at me, but I don´t care anymore. I have learned that if Humberto only wanted me in his life to buy him things, then I shouldn´t be in his life. If there´s ever a time where Manuel and Gaby allow me into his life, then that is fine, but for right now, I am content and realize that I should not be in his life due to the bad choices I have made. He´s very manipulative and it´s hard to realize when he´s doing it and for those reasons, I am not strong enough right now to be in his life and be a good influence for him. I love him, that will never change, but this is how I can love him. Manuel and Gaby were very wise when they told me that I could help by not coming back. It hurt at the time, but now I can honestly see how right they were.
Other updates....
Last Thursday was the day of the teacher, so we had a party at my school and then there was a party for all the teachers in the town hall. Both were good experiences and it´s great to be able to eat some good Mexican food and enjoy the company of my "colleagues"...haha. Friday was a day off and I have this Friday off too because it´s the Day of the Sturdents.
I am teaching English at the other orphanage most days during the week. It has been a good and healthy experience for me. I have been so blessed by the family that owns it, the lady that is on staff, and all of the kids there. It´s great to be able to have a healthy balance of time there and time away. I was at CdE way too much which caused problems and even made me have the rational of a child. Yet, now, the kids have to respect me as a some-what authority figure, and for that, it calls me to live a life with more integrity and worthy of respect. It makes me think a lot more before I speak or act. I know I have made some mistakes already (like when I was jumping over the bushes with the kids in the town square and playing tag around the band stage), but I will learn and I will get better and become a better example. God is working a lot in me right now, and I am doing good. It feels great to feel like I have a clean slate and to know and be able to see God working in my life.
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4 comments:
Hi, Hanna and friends! This is only the second time I've read your blog, Hanna, so I don't want you to think "I'm checking up on you" - only in a good way!
All of us at Timothy House want to thank you for your help with English so far. We need the help and we really appreciate you! I hope you can tell.
It seems like you have been on quite the journey these past weeks. May God continue to mold you and bless you. Someone once told me, that God sends missionaries to bless them more than those they serve. We tend to think we are the one helping others, and hopefully we can. But I think God does use these experiences to help us grow even more.
I feel a little responsible for you now that you are attending our Sunday and Wednesday services at Timothy House. I hope we can serve you too in this way, as you serve the children.
2 Tim 1:7
Hannah,
Awesome that God is teaching you stuff and putting people in your life to give you the direction you need.
Bob,
You've got a good thing having Hannah serving Timothy House. She truly has a heart for those kids.
May God bless you both.
Peace!
Keith
Hannah --
I'm sorry that you've gone through what you've been through.
What a roller coaster that it must have been to this point.
I will continue to pray for you as you work through these different issues and as God works through it with you.
Oz
Hey girl,
Praying for you and glad to hear about what God is teaching you. Growing is not an easy thing and more often than not (as you've said) it's painful. I love you and miss you!!
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