An update on my boy....

Two weeks ago, I told him that he had to be good for the next two weeks in order to go to Magdalena with us for the carnival. He said, "OK, OK, I will be.". He knew the conditions of him being able to go.

When we first got down there, I talked to him. I asked him if he had been good for the previous 2 weeks. He said, "Oh, more or less." I asked him what he did, and he said not a lot. I continued to tell him that he needed to help out more and do his chores. I told him that he wasn't able to go last year because he had been bad. Then HE said, "and now I can't go this year because I was bad again." He knows... He does.

I talked to Manuel and asked him who we could take. He said that Jesus could go. I asked him how he has been, and he told me about how he was not going to school and playing video games at the store instead and gambling. He also said that he, Johao, Abraham, and Francisco Ramon had been taking stuff from the orphanage and trying to sell them in town for money. They even tried taking copper piping that connects to the gas stove. After Manuel told me about all of that, then I said he couldn't go. Manuel was happy with the decision, and then we discussed who we would bring... I'll post later this week on that.

I found Jesus and I told him about the conversation with Manuel. He was playing foos ball and I started asking him why he was doing those things. He said that he was only playing the games on recess and that he didn't sell stuff in town. He wouldn't say which ones of his friends were, but he denied it. I asked Adrian to come over "to help me yell at my boy". Jesus just laughed when he heard me say that... He knows more english than he portrays.

About a half hour later, his best friend, Cristian, came over to me and asked me about it. He said, "Manuel said yes and you said no?". Yep. He wanted to know why and I explained it to him that even Jesus said earlier today that he wouldn't be able to go because he had been bad. I asked him if Jesus was angry and he said yes, so I went and talked to him again. I explained to him that I love him lots and that I would want him to come, but that I can't. He needs to do good to be able to do those things and I can not reward him for being bad. He kept saying, but Manuel said I could go... Then I explained to him that Manuel only said that because Manuel wanted to make me happy - not because he deserved it. We then made a deal (even with a handshake) that if he was good for the next 4 weeks, then we can go to his favorite restaurant and to Magdalena. He tried to cop out and say, and if I'm bad, then we will only go to the restaurant... I said, negative - it's either both or nothing.

I have to say, it's hard being a parent. I know that I'm not a "full time" parent, but man, sometimes I feel like it. Marlin is right... I can say no, but it's hard for me. I feel bad. I stand behind my decisions because I was always annoyed that my mom didn't. Yet, it's hard. He has friends that will defend him and back him up like no tomorrow. I'm sure he feels like he needs them because he's so small that he can't defend himself physically. I try talking to all of the boys about how they need to make better decisions - it's hard, but they know what's right.

I heard this song today on Air1, and I thought of my boy. He has all of these insecurities inside his "somewhat tough exterior" and I just don't want him to have to keep up all the time... I'm going to write him another long letter, and I'm going to include these lyrics.




Crazy beautiful

by Chasen
From the album – Shine Through The Stars

Everybody’s been there
everyone’s the same
but mostly we don’t care
isn’t that a shame

We bring us down face after face
the inside is beautiful
but the outside we want to change.
We want to change.

Chorus
Whoa you’re oh so beautiful,
you don’t need anyone’s approval
You’ve got to believe in your self
you know you are
You’re crazy beautiful

There's no need to change
We're different but the same
In the eyes of the King
We're beautifully made
In his image we're made

Take a look it’s all around you
See the world from different views
The way you shine from the inside
I know with out a doubt
It’s more than what you’ll be
In the world’s eyes.

Whoa you’re oh so beautiful,
you don’t need anyone’s a approval
You’ve got to believe in your self
you know you are
You’re crazy beautiful