The hard parts of last weekend....and then the letter to Jesus will follow.

Angel and Jose Isaac said, "Tu mother f*** tu b****". They said it quite a few times. I know that they have no idea what it means, but I tapped Jose on the cheek just to show how bad it was. Telling them they were bad words wasn't enough for it to stick.

Abilene left because she's at the hopsital for her bulemia. She might come back in a couple of weeks.

Two new kids left in the past month. One ran away, and I'm sure it's because all of the kids called him gay constantly.

Pedro left. This was a hard hit for Madi. It's hard for me too, because I have seen him cry and have tried to comfort him at different times. I'm happy because he lives in Magdalena and he's with either his mom or dad as they are divorced and only have the children of the same sex with them - so he'll be with his dad I'm sure.

Jesus David left too... He's the buffest just turned 13 year old I have ever met. I am thinking he's with his sister because she came to his graduation. I'm happy for him.

Juan Ramon left... this one is probably the hardest for me to take on. He is still illiterate and we didn't get to work on his skills as much as I would have liked. He and I had a special bond - he had them with lots of the people in our group. I just hope that he will continue trying to read and write no matter how frustrating it is for him. I have such a fear that his education will stop since he didn't have one before he came to CdE.

Adrian, Elyot, Francisco Ramon, and Jesus Humberto (my boy) have all got in trouble lately. It's mostly because they have been lazy and not wanting to do their chores...

Here's the letter I plan on sending to my boy. I hope he receives it well. Let me know if you think it's too harsh to send to him... It's definitely going to be harder putting this one in the mail.

Dear Jesus,

How are you? School is going to be starting for you soon. You are very smart – smarter than most people your age – and even smarter than people that are older than you. As it is starting – I want to talk to you about how important school is. Going to school and getting your education is very important, because, besides God, it helps give you skills to help you when you become an adult.

I heard that you haven’t been on your best behavior lately and that you have been stealing, leaving when you don’t have permission, lazy, and beating up the other kids. I heard that Gabi said that she wasn’t going to make you go to school if you didn’t start behaving better. You need to start following the rules more, even when it’s hard. I hope that you try hard and do want to go to school.

Throughout the year and a half that I have known you, I have seen you change. Some has been for the worst and some for the best. I would never expect you to be perfect. I would also never expect you to never get in a fight with any of the other boys (or girls in the case with Perla). I do hope that you don’t fight anyone at your school so you don’t get kicked out. The school you will be going to is a very good school, and it’s expensive – I’m going to start paying for it this month.

In my trips there, I have seen you be a good helper to the staff and you have helped me out a lot too. Nana was so appreciative of you helping clean the spoons off for her and helping wash the dishes – especially because it’s not your normal chore. Please, don’t be lazy. Do your part. When everyone helps out, it all gets done faster and better. Don’t have Ramon Abdiel, Angel, or anyone else do your chores for you. You don’t have to be a leader in everyway. You can be an equal with your friends – or they might not be your friends for long.

In April, when I was down there with you, we went to the store and you guys all played games. I noticed when we were there, that you guys were all playing that little gambling game that you can try to guess the fruit it lands on for the amount of pesos that it says. I hope that you are not going there and that is not where you are sneaking off too. Hopefully, I can tell you a little bit of why as I tell you a little
bit about my sister.

Sarah has had a gambling problem since she was 18 years old. It has continually gotten worse and worse as time has gone on. She has gambled away all of the money that she has earned from her jobs as well as other people’s money. About 4 years ago, she gambled her friends rent money for their apartment and she would even sell some of our mom’s jewelry to get more money for gambling to cover her mistakes. It sent her on a downward spiral that is still hard for her to get out of. She no longer knows the value of money. She can not figure out how far it can go because of her sickness.

I know that you are no where near her point and that you probably never will be. Yet, since you have been stealing and I know how much you enjoy certain things (like those types of games), I wanted to caution you about it.

I know from myself that games and different things can be very addicting. It might seem silly, but it’s possible to be addicted to all sorts of things. You have to be careful that certain things that can be fun for a little while don’t become an addiction. We are not going to allow any of the kids to have our phones or ipods anymore. Please don’t think this is you or because of any of the other kids. It’s simply because the type of music that the teens that come down with me is a bad influence and it’s not necessary.

In our lives, we have different choices. We can choose to follow God and His ways, or we can choose to follow our own which is also the devil’s. I know that there are some things that seem like they are so much fun and it makes it easy to break the rules or find reasons why we shouldn’t have to follow the rules. I got in trouble this past weekend as well. I got two notes of my own for things that I have done. I got the first one for the batteries and giving you too many. The second one is for allowing kids to be in the apartment. I have got in trouble for this before in earlier months. For me, it’s hard because I love spending time with you and the other kids. I like to be able to share things with you and to be able to eat with you guys. Yet, this still is not a reason to break the rules.

I hope that you don’t see this letter as a way of me trying to boss you around or tell you how to live your life. I don’t want you to think that I am mad at you, disappointed with you, or anything like that. I love you and I think you are amazing. At times, it’s easy to think that it’s just your age and the phase of life that you are in. I know from myself that it’s easy to be lazy and even rebel at your age and it never really stops from there. I am still this way (which you can tell because of this past weekend and how I got in trouble), and it’s something I need to work on daily. I need your help with some of it too. I need you to help me follow the rule of not allowing kids outside of the security fence and in the apartment. I need to be a better example to you and to the rest of the kids and show you how important it is to listen to Manuel and Gabi and allow them to be the authority in your life. They are my authority too, and I need to listen and obey them as well.

I hope that your behavior isn’t from being in the older boys’ room. A bunch of you have been getting in trouble – you, Elyot, Adrian, and Francisco Ramon. The four of you need to work together to behave better. You can even try to be the leader to making the 4 of you behave better and be an example to all of the other boys.

I love you lots and I hope that this letter translates okay and that it makes sense. Read your bible and pray and ask God to continue to help you be more like Him. I am praying for you and I hope that you are well. I love you lots and I will see you on the 1st in 3 weeks. Be good, listen to YeYe, Elsa, Manuel, Gabi, Maria, Nana, and all of the other people on staff. I have put in here pictures of you from a couple years ago that Roxanna gave me. They are of you, Carolina, Gloria, and of course Miriam.

Love,

Ana