I sit in reflection of something that I have been processing and thinking about for over a week now.

I was at lunch with a friend when I asked her if she gave my IM address to a girl at work. She said, "yeah" and then commented that that the other girl said "well that's a contradiction if I've ever heard one." The contradiction? Oh, that would be my hotmail address being "committedtogod". My friend thankfully responded with, "well, that's just because you don't know her that well yet."

While I was thankful for my friends defense of myself being devoted to God, why should someone have to get to know me well enough to know that? This girl doesn't know me very well, she has been a person that has been kind of hard to get to know in the past.

I immediately started to go through all of our interactions (which really haven't been that many - Montreal was the main time we get to know each other). I think about how I complain about certain people at work and how I don't have patience for people that don't have functioning brains. How I comment on how they are able to get or maintain jobs. I think about how I maybe said 7 cuss words throughout the week. I think about how I drank a glass of wine or beer at dinner all but one night while I was there. I think about how she knew that I went out with everyone else. Yeah, we told her stories... but none of the good ones were about me. I wonder.... Is it for these reasons?

I contemplated IMing her to find out and then maybe start a conversation about it. Yet, what do I say? Yes, I do believe in God. He is the source of all my joy and love. Without Him, I can't have anything good. Do I tell her about how I serve Him? Do I tell her about the ministries I help out with? I ended out choosing no - or at least at this time. I don't want my faith in God to be proven by my works or words... I want to show her with my life.

Yesterday at church, while Ben was teaching, I was thinking about this situation. Yes, I have freedom to have a glass of wine with dinner. No, it's not really a bad thing to have one. Yet, if this debilitates someone from realizing I am a Christian, is it worth it? Should I give in to their lawful abiding views? Should I only drink around people that know my convictions and opinions about it. Or maybe it's not even that... maybe it's the lack of patience and genuine kindness in me. Or maybe it's that I don't shine like a star in the universe admist this crooked and depraved generation because I do complain... and argue. Hmmm.... I think I will really try to live out Philippians 2:14-15 more... I have to try. My light is dimmer because I don't.