Have you ever felt like a failure? Have you ever been confused? Have you ever tried to stop something?

Of course you have... Everyone has... and I am all these things right now in my own kind of way.

See, back in August, God called me to be single. I accepted it, rejoiced about it, and dealt with it. Since then, it has been surprisingly easy to have my heart faithful only to God. Yet, let's be honest. The guys at work and poker aren't anything to stumble over, and there aren't any new single, Christian guys that have popped up in my life.

Well... here's my life.

Saturday I call my cousins and make plans with them for that night. I call them to tell them I'm on my way, and they tell me that they have some other people that are coming over too... and my cousin names a guy that her husband has been wanting to hook me up with since before their wedding in Nov. of '05. Great, I immediately knew that after they made plans with me that they probably called him and invited him over too. Super! Oh well, at least I'll still get to hang out with my cousins and their 2 kids.

I get there, and I can't harass my little cousin because he's playing video games with the guy in there, and he's concentrating really hard. Time passes and the night goes on. The kids are in bed, and the other people that were there, all left. It's now just the 4 of us. Anyway, it ended out being awesome. I never expected to have fellowship with them the way that I did that night. There's certain people that you expect to have fellowship with and there are other people that you just don't... even if they are Christians. We talked about everything. My cousin ended out going to bed because she was super tired, so it was just me and the two guys. We talked about gifts, the Obie vs. Paul debate (they really liked your way of thinking Obie...thought it was a GREAT example of God's love and grace), worship songs, youth camps, churches, and so much more. I needed that fellowship badly, and I never expected to get it from them. I spend so much time with kids that sometimes I lack fellowship with adults. Don't get me wrong, I love the kids, and I love spending time with them, but I still need some good healthy adult time.

The night was good, we all went home, nothing happened per say. Often times though, the battle is within my mind. Please pray for me. I don't necessarily like this guy, but just even having the mindset of that he could be someone that I would like or could fall for later isn't good for me either. I now realize the call that God has given me, the gift He has given me, isn't always going to be easy.

Oh, by the way... A few people in my life have told me that they don't think that I will be single forever and that they think I will get married someday. It's people and comments like that get me thinking... Did God tell me that I am called to singlehood just to get me content? Did He have to go to such an extreme because I'm so extreme? Is this all a test so He can bless me in the future? Who knows... However, until He tells me different, I need to be strong, and I need to persevere in this trial.