Obie got me thinking... and it's finally time that I have processed all of this enough to actually share it with everyone. Beware... this is as real as it gets with me... It's not pretty. It's really ugly. But, this is me.

Here's a timeline of some of the things I have done in my life.

Spring 2001 ~ God spoke to me while I was witnessing in Hollywood to "Goldie", and He told me that I would see Goldie in heaven. This did 2 things ~ It assured me that God was working in him, and it assured me that I would be in heaven too. This gave me unwavering faith.
Summer 2001 ~ Went to Romania.
Fall 2001 - Spring 2003 ~ Worked with special needs kids in the schools.
Summer 2003 ~ Began working at Insight.
January 2004 ~ Began my friendship with Jason that continued to eat me alive. I was played, weakened, and somehow I became a completely different person than I was previously. Since then, I started drinking again, going to concerts, bars, and started making out with people again.
June 2005 ~ Started a friendship that turned into a "relationship" with Rick, even if I never wanted to admit it as that. Rick was married, and probably still is. I justified it time and time again. I went to many lunches with him and a movie. We exchanged "I love you"s and talked about our future.
Thanksgiving 2005 ~ I realized what I was doing with Rick, and I ended my relationship with him... for the first time.
January 2006 ~ I ended my friendship with Rick and told him to never speak to me again and that my life is better without him. We haven't spoken since.
March 2006 ~ Went to Casa de Elizabeth for the first time since 2003.
April 2006 ~ God told me to quit working with the youth and focus on the orphanage. This is also when we started going down there on a monthly basis.
June 2006 ~ I ended my friendship with Jason. My eyes were opened, and he was pissed that I didn't want him in my life anymore.
August 2006 ~ God revealed to me that I am called to a life of singleness.

So, there's that... Thanksgiving reminded me of my year free from Rick. I have made many mistakes since him... and I will not name them. Yet, it was my first step back on the right track. Jason and Rick made me weaker and weaker, and friends and family tried to show that to me... for years, yet I denied it. I always claimed that I was witnessing to them and that God was using me in their lives. Ben, you were right.... I remember when you adamantly told me that I needed to end my friendship with Jason back when I lived with you guys. I told you that you were wrong and said no... Maybe if I listened to you, I wouldn't have ever talked to Rick. I am amazed that God is so amazing. I am amazed that He somehow gave me strength to end my relationships with the two of them in the past year. I am amazed that it finally happened after all this time. God is good. He has restored me fully and He allows me to be used for His kingdom. I am undeserving of His grace and mercy, but He gives it to me anyway. I am so thankful that I am no where near where I was a year ago, or even six months ago. Thank you God.