Obie got me thinking... and it's finally time that I have processed all of this enough to actually share it with everyone. Beware... this is as real as it gets with me... It's not pretty. It's really ugly. But, this is me.

Here's a timeline of some of the things I have done in my life.

Spring 2001 ~ God spoke to me while I was witnessing in Hollywood to "Goldie", and He told me that I would see Goldie in heaven. This did 2 things ~ It assured me that God was working in him, and it assured me that I would be in heaven too. This gave me unwavering faith.
Summer 2001 ~ Went to Romania.
Fall 2001 - Spring 2003 ~ Worked with special needs kids in the schools.
Summer 2003 ~ Began working at Insight.
January 2004 ~ Began my friendship with Jason that continued to eat me alive. I was played, weakened, and somehow I became a completely different person than I was previously. Since then, I started drinking again, going to concerts, bars, and started making out with people again.
June 2005 ~ Started a friendship that turned into a "relationship" with Rick, even if I never wanted to admit it as that. Rick was married, and probably still is. I justified it time and time again. I went to many lunches with him and a movie. We exchanged "I love you"s and talked about our future.
Thanksgiving 2005 ~ I realized what I was doing with Rick, and I ended my relationship with him... for the first time.
January 2006 ~ I ended my friendship with Rick and told him to never speak to me again and that my life is better without him. We haven't spoken since.
March 2006 ~ Went to Casa de Elizabeth for the first time since 2003.
April 2006 ~ God told me to quit working with the youth and focus on the orphanage. This is also when we started going down there on a monthly basis.
June 2006 ~ I ended my friendship with Jason. My eyes were opened, and he was pissed that I didn't want him in my life anymore.
August 2006 ~ God revealed to me that I am called to a life of singleness.

So, there's that... Thanksgiving reminded me of my year free from Rick. I have made many mistakes since him... and I will not name them. Yet, it was my first step back on the right track. Jason and Rick made me weaker and weaker, and friends and family tried to show that to me... for years, yet I denied it. I always claimed that I was witnessing to them and that God was using me in their lives. Ben, you were right.... I remember when you adamantly told me that I needed to end my friendship with Jason back when I lived with you guys. I told you that you were wrong and said no... Maybe if I listened to you, I wouldn't have ever talked to Rick. I am amazed that God is so amazing. I am amazed that He somehow gave me strength to end my relationships with the two of them in the past year. I am amazed that it finally happened after all this time. God is good. He has restored me fully and He allows me to be used for His kingdom. I am undeserving of His grace and mercy, but He gives it to me anyway. I am so thankful that I am no where near where I was a year ago, or even six months ago. Thank you God.

Yesterday, I finally joined my church on a visit to the homeless. In the past, I have always justified not going by thinking that I do other things or worse - that it's their fault they are homeless. So, to me, what's the point? After all, there are lots of shelters here and plenty of food banks, so they should be able to get most things they need. Since local shelters don't allow people to bring in drugs or alcohol, I have figured that anyone that actually "sleeps on the streets" is either an alcoholic or druggie. Hence, why I figured it's their fault and punishment. So, why would we help people that are choosing a life of sin and continuing sin... does it enable them? These are actual true, past thoughts that I have had.

Stupid, huh?

Besides this, I think I have also thought that it would be uncomfortable and awkward... to the point that I wouldn't be stoked to go on a homeless outreach. But that's something I don't like to admit.

So, I figured I should give it a shot. I have told myself year after year that I would do the Thanksgiving outreach, and have blamed it on my family for getting mad at missing my traditional family dinner... but this year it's on a Saturday, so I had no excuse.

So I went. I got there, got nervous, but went for it anyway. Michelle's family and I sorted out the clothes into seperate piles for gender and size. Some people immediately came over and were asking for some of the clothes. Some of this stuff looked like it came straight out of the 80's. There were actually some stone-washed jeans that about 10-15 people picked up to see if they fit. We didn't have very many men's jeans, so guys were looking at the womens to see if they would work. One guy joked and said, "I'll just cover up the tag and then no one will ever know"... and chuckled about it. We helped them find their size and what they were looking for. One woman asked me what my size was. I figured it was because she was looking for someone that was around my size. Nope. Lo and behold, about 30 minutes later, she said, "Here, this looks like it's your size." She thought I was homeless, and she was trying to help me out. It was shocked, humbled, and amazed that she'd want to help me.

After that, we were asked to distribute the underwear and socks to people. By this time, Michelle was stopped because a guy asked her to pray for his hand. She figured she'd be able to pray later, but he bowed his head and closed his eyes, so she went for it and prayed right then. She continued to talk to him until it was time to go. It was amazing. So, it's me, her mom and her sister. We walked around and gave out the underwear and socks one by one. Some men would rather go commando than wear briefs. We got into some interesting mini-conversations. One man asked me what I thought about the book of Revelation and what it was all about. I told him it would take me 5 hours to really explain but gave him an ultra-brief summary. Another man asked if we were doing this for community service. They thought there had to be some reason why we were doing this. As we're going around, one person asked if I was Megan's (Michelle's 12 yr. old sister) mom. I then pointed to Julie, but they thought she could have been her twin. That was awesome.

Throughout the little bit that I got to do, I realized some very important things. 1) These people are so giving. Many people were trying to find stuff for other people, not themselves. 2) They were so thankful to get one pair of underwear, one pair of socks, clothes and food.. (P.S. Why is it called a pair of underwear when it's only one?) 3) In some way, they are like orphans. 4) We all sin, some of them are there because of it, but others aren't. We are just lucky that we have friends and family that love us... and that haven't ever let us get to that point.

It's weird, near the end I was joking around with a couple of the guys because they were asking if we had any loin cloths. I told them that we'd try to get them around Christmas. It's funny too, because when they said my name to get my attention, I had the same joy that I have when the kids at the orphanage say it. I never expected that to happen. I never expected to have love and care for them. God is truly amazing. I don't know why it surprises me so much when He surprises me for giving me love for people. For His people. For those people He loves so deeply and holds so close.

Hey Keith, what is that website for the backpack ministry? I am thinking about doing that and telling Helen about it. I don't know if you have talked to her about it before or not....

Oh, please pray for Mike's ankle. He has a really bad cut and it's really infected. Please pray for Betty's hand. Pray that God would be her provider. Please also pray for Willow in general.

I've already went shopping and came back home. Oh, what a glorious day! and Oh, what the things we crazy people will do to save an extra $15. I have to say, there really weren't that many "great deals" this year, but I am still happy with the outcome.

Just as I was stepping into a store today though, I found myself humming "Winter Wonderland". I don't think that that has happened to me in the last 5 years. I have had a horrible time getting into the Christmas spirit the past few years, but I am so glad that I'm in it now. It's totally awesome.

Today, I was officially offered a position within the office here. My salary stays the same, but my commission has the potential of making a lot more money. The two managers are now figuring out when I will transfer over. It's a very exciting time.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. I have so much to be thankful for. I have an amazing God; an entertaining, depdendable, and loving family; an amazing boy that I am privelaged to sponsor and see him grow; awesome, funny, loving, and helpful children that I get to visit often; friends that anyone would be wanting to claim; a job that helps provide for my needs; and ministries like Prims that I am lucky to be a part of. I am so thankful for both churches. It mind boggles me how many people have supported my vision and continue to do so. I am truly so thankful and blessed. I hope and pray that I am able to give out love and that I can speak people's love languages to them so they may know how much I love them. Thank goodness I have God in my life, because without Him, I couldn't love or do any good thing I do... after all, He is love, and for that alone, I am so thankful.

I have to say, this weekend ended up being a lot better than I thought it would be. For those of you that know everyone, the people that ended out going were Jordan & Jared G., Michelle M., and my mom, sister, and niece. Needless to say, I thought it would be a really interesting trip due to the mix of people. However, everyone got along really well, and it ended out being great.

First, I'll start with my mom. She did really well for the most part. On Saturday morning, after she woke up, I gave her a tour. As I was showing her around, I introduced her to kids as I greeted them. I would always tell her their names, but then I would forget to tell them who she was. Oops. :) One time, she said, "Now tell them who I am." A little bit later, we were by other kids, and they asked her her name. She actually asked me, "should I have them call me Hannah's mom or by my name?". There's the mom I know and love! Oh, and yes, she did the "I'm her mom" normal routine - but only a couple of times. Yet, she's a total goof, so she was telling a story about how one time a mariachi band was playing, and she waited for the most perfect spot to say "Ay ay ay!" really loudly. She got everyone saying "Ay ay ay!" and "Ay chi wa wa!" At first, it was funny, but it got kind of old. However, I'm glad that it helped her connect with kids. At this time, she thinks that she would probably go again, but she's not sure. She did have fun though and was glad she went. She did ask me though on the ride home if I would actually be happy living down there. That was kind of disappointing, but that's to be expected. It was her first time down there, so it's always a little uncomfortable at first, and she didn't get to see all of their personalities and hearts.

Since my sister came down there and she sponsors Margarita, I decided that we should take Jesus Humberto (the boy I sponsor) and Margarita into Magdalena with us. Our group has never taken either of them off of the property, so it would be a special time for both of them. We took them to lunch where Jesus ate a whole chimichanga (they're pretty big) and then ordered 2 quesadillas. Margarita started with 2 quesadillas and then ordered 2 more. They were totally stuffed. After some people commented about how much Jesus ate, he looked at me and said that I ate more than he did....lol He's so cute. Side note: he didn't finish the quesadillas... He didn't even eat half of one. After that, we looked at some of the shops. He wanted an air soft gun. We had a 5 minute conversation about how I didn't think it would be allowed, but he did. He then ended it with, "we just don't have them because we don't have the money". Nice try kid. He ended out with settling with a am/fm radio that you can buy from a dollar store here. Margarita wanted shoes, fake nails, necklaces, and a purse. After I saw how long Margarita took to shop and how fast Jesus was, I realized - Wow. My sister and I really have similar personalities with the kids we sponsor. Jesus even likes to put things together. He helped me and Jordan put together the crib without being asked to help. He loves to play games, and it's just really kind of weird how similar we are. It's even freakier how much Sarah and Margarita are alike... Anyhow, we got ice cream and then went home. I think they had a good time, and it was interesting to see how they were outside of their normal element. Jesus was a lot shier and just more laid back. Yet, I could tell he was comfortable. The two of them don't usually hang out together, but they were so good.

After we finished setting up the crib, I went and got the "mom-to-be". I showed her how the drop down side worked, and then went and got the rest of the donations. I gave her some shoes from a girl I met on a previous trip and the clothes and bouncy chair from Mandy. She was kind of speechless at first, but then she said "Thank you." It's so cute how they say it in English when they are really thankful.

Jesus Guadalupe (Keith's boy) also loved his shirt and was happy to get a letter. He totally remembers and reads Keith's letters. When I was starting to tell him about Patti's mom, he interrupted me and told me she was sick. He totally understood and was excited to hear that he was planning on coming soon.

Juanito, Angel, and Manuel's mom is taking them home next month. It was good to talk to her, and now I'm so glad that she has been visiting them weekly. She's so excited to take them home, and I'm sad that she won't bring them to church there so I can still see them. :( I'm selfish, I know... but I just hope she continues to bring them up in the ways of the Lord and that she has a safe place for them.

It's really super weird to meet mom's after you hear their kids stories. This mom has 3 kids (not the same ones in the story above), and she was visiting them. I have met her before, but I just found out why they are there on my previous trip. She was scared that someone would steal them, so she would lock them to inanimate objects like chairs and tables so that no one could steal them. She told them that it was because she loved them. It's weird to see her, greet her, and be nice to her knowing this. I honestly think she does love her 3 children, she just doesn't understand everything correctly. Mentally, she's just not stable enough to raise them, so they were taken away from her. Yet, it was just really interesting to see her interacting with her youngest daughter after knowing their family history.

Well, I think that's about it. I'm going to make a trip on the 9th with some people from another church, and then our church's trip is on the 15th-17th. Here are some pictures of Margarita with my niece, Lily, and then Jesus (in the Cardinal's hat) and Abraham.

I just want to apologize to anyone that has ever been offended or hurt by anything that I have blogged about. My intent isn't to ever make anyone feel bad about anything.

In regards to Mexico, I would like everyone to be able to come at some point, because to me, these kids are a joy and I want other people to be able to experience it too. However, I do know that different people have different callings and different things that they are called to focus on. For me, I'm single, so I have the ability to focus on them, and that's also why God has called me to remain single. This is also why I am able to jump in fully to this ministry. Yet, I totally understand how other people have families and other things that are far more important than going down to Mexico.

At times, I have gotten frustrated in the past, however, it's never at anybody, it's about situations that arise. I vent about it, blog about it, and get over it really shortly. So, please don't take offense to anything I say on here. I love you all, and I would never want to make anyone feel bad or guilty for not coming, I just want everyone to know they are welcome anytime. I hope this makes sense. Nothing happened to make me post this, I just wanted to clarify in case anyone has ever felt this way. :)

In the past, I have blogged about people that were 2nd guessing going on this weekend's trip to Mexico. They have postponed their trip. On Tuesday, there were only 4 people that were going to be going. Yet, now, there are 9, possibly 11. I'm so excited. Lots of other people are wanting to give donations for us to bring down. We're bringing down lots of things for the soon-to-be-born baby, including a bouncing chair and crib, presents for kids birthdays, and toys for the younger kids. As excited as I am for this trip, I do have things that I would like you guys to pray for. My family is going - my mom, sister, and niece. Now, my sister and neice have gone down before, but my mom hasn't. She's never been to any orphanage or anything similar to it. She's nervous about what the kids will be like and that she'll feel out of place. Please pray for her. Also, please pray for me. I am very nervous about her going down as well. I am afraid that she's going to offend people and that she's going to embarass me. I know it's just pride... but here's my real concern. My whole life, anytime I have been around kids that like me a lot or that I am playing with, she always comes up to us and says "do you know who I am? I'm her mom. I'm her mom... over and over again." Because it's happened so much in my life that I can feel her finger digging into my arm right now remembering her telling other kids.... it automatically brings me to an ultra-annoyed, cranky, and upset mood. I don't want to get that way down there. I want to be able to deal with her and just love her. I want any bad reaction to be completely transparent to the kids. Most of them don't have parents that visit them, so I don't want to appear that I don't appreciate my relationship with my mom. With this being said, I am really excited that she's coming. It's so important to me for her to be comfortable with where I someday will be living. I hope that she will understand my vision and see the need that they have. It's also important to me for the kids to know that I love them so much that I want my family to meet them. My dad is supposed to come down on the January or February trip. You can also pray that that will happen if you want. Oh, and thank you to the other family members that have been down there before and that support me. It means a lot. Love you all.

So, I totally forgot to blog about this yesterday, and then when I saw Amy tonight, and I was completely reminded of it. I can't ignore it... I must do it. I must blog.

Here is my story.

Yesterday, I went to church. I was scheduled to teach the 4s and 5s during the first service. I began looking at the curriculum to see what I would be teaching on. Then, I talk to Jen and she explains how I may have missed part of the materials. What you would ask? The felt board.

Yep, that's right.

We are now a felt board church!

Over the years, I have heard many many people make fun of felt boards and how we used to use them as kids. I remember them my childhood church memories. I never liked them because Jesus always looked like Joseph who looked like David who looked like Elijah. Moses and Noah usually had grey hair which made them stand apart.

Yet, here I am. I'm admist these sweet little children full of creativity and life, and I have a felt board.

Did they like it? Did I make it work? Of course. They each wanted to put the pictures on the felt board. We passed the pictures around before they made it to their destiny on the felt board. Sisters actually ripped David's head off because they both thought I told them that they could put it up.

So, you may ask yourself, what do you have against felt boards? Is there something bad about being a felt board church?

And, I'd have to say, everything and yes.

Really... I just think it's freakin' hilarious. I would have never ever ever thought that Amy would purchase a curriculum that had a felt board. :)

I just finished updating the CdE blog so that it is functional for all of the future trips, including the one on Spring Break. Let me know if you find any errors or even if there is some re-wording or re-writing that needs to be done. :)

An update on all sorts of stuff....

I had the interview on Monday. It went well. I found out yesterday that they are working on a plan to hire me. But, they are also making sure that they are accomplishing what I am looking for. I hope that this doesn't mean that they won't talk to me if they think it's not what I'm looking for.... Continue to pray that I will fit into their logistical plan. I'm still kind of confused on what all is going on. I should hear more on Monday or Tuesday.

I am revamping the blog that I made for the orphanage. I am adding 3 links: March's trip, what to expect/what the trips are like, and a fundraiser page. I am going to change the main page to explain more things outside of the fundraiser. I should be done by Monday morning, so you can check it out then.

Oh, with the whole playground fundraiser.... a LDS group wants to install a new "jungle gym" on the orphanage property on Christmas morning. Manuel has told them that they are not allowed to inflict their religious beliefs onto the children (for those of us that would have concern raised about that). I had Coleen tell them that it cannot be made out of wood and that it needs to be of commercial quality. Hey, let's let them raise some more money. When I go down there in January, I will then see what's still needed and we'll use the money from Amadeo and VCC to purchase other playground equipment to install on our March's trip.

I have decided that I am going to go to Amadeo. However, I am going to be like Amy and slowly transition. I will be at VCC one Sunday a month, CdE one week, and Amadeo for the other 2 (or 1 for when I make my bonus trips down there). I will tithe one check to each church.

Sometimes I think about all the things that I should be worried about or that I should be doing for different tasks, but then I think.... I need to be just like Juan Carlos. He was just laying in his bed, looking up at the ceiling, and singing (in English) "God is so good. God is so good. God is so good, He's so good to me." Amen!

I totally forgot the most important story ever!

Sunday morning at church, one of the American's taught. Giselle translated for everyone. The message was all about, "When you are down to nothing, God is up to something." He repeated it after every example from the bible he shared, most were about Joseph, and he even had the "congregation" say it as well. I'm really glad they didn't take out the 5-12 year olds, even if a 4 and 5 year old fell asleep. At the end, I could tell he was hesitating, but then he looked over at Manuel and then proceeded. He asked the kids if the wanted to ask Jesus to come into their hearts and lives. He explained what it entailed and that you need to believe in God before you ask him too. He didn't have anyone bow their heads or close their eyes. He had them raise their hands and eventually stand up. To my surprise, probably 20-25 kids stood up. It mostly consisted of new ones. (They weren't there for the 3 or 4 VBSs during the summer...lol) Other kids repeated the prayer in their seats. It was so awesome. A lot of the kids there already know Jesus, and it shows.

Like with Juan Ramon. This little boy is priceless. He is 10 years old and every Sunday he takes care of at least one of the little kids. Usually Carlito. This Sunday was no different, and he held Carlito while he slept most of the service. Carlito is 5, so Juan Ramon really isn't that much bigger. Oh, props to my Jesus really quick... He picked up Brandon and held him while he slept. Okay... back to Juan Ramon. After the kids accepted the Lord into their lives, they brought up Esveidy to pray for her and the baby growing inside of her. Juan Ramon, held Carlito with one hand, reached his other hand over to her and was saying his own prayer quietly. It was beautiful. It is so abundantly clear that he is God's child and he knows that God is in his heart. He will never be one of those kids that accepts Jesus in their heart 50 times. He knows. He prays. Jesus shines brightly through him.

Well, I think it's been about a week.

I took an extra trip down to the orphanage this weekend for a couple reasons. 1. I needed to show the boys that took the money last time that it won't stop me from going down there or lessen my love for them. 2. I wanted to be there for Adrian because he was supposed to find out if his mom was alive or not. 3. I like to take trips by myself because I can do what I want and I don't have the worry of the other people. I take it on myself and hope that everyone is having a good time and comfortable, etc.

First though... I have to give an update from Amadeo last week. After church, most people had left, so I started picking on Joshua G. I haven't had time to play with him lately. I was kind of wrestling with him. Well, after I was done, he went over to Noah C. and said, "I just got beat up by a girl." That girl was me. He's 6! It was really hard...Anyway, I told Noah that I have beat him up too. He declined at first, and then proceeded to tell a story of when I was living with them. I still remember it too. Here's how he told it. "I was walking and reading my book. I was on chapter 3, and then you tripped me." So funny.

Now... onto the orphanage.

I decided to leave on Saturday morning because other Americans had the guest quarters, so I would either have to sleep in a hotel or in my car. I opted for my car, so I could save some money. Either option didn't have a microwave or anything, so it didn't effect what I'd be eating. It took me 3 hrs and 15 min. to get down there... So awesome! Oh, and I didn't speed at all (or at least I slowed down as soon as I caught myself - which was really fast!).

The kids know my car by now, so they were at my car door before I even turned it off. By this time, it was 9:40, so they were all awake. I had a few goals on this trip that I wanted to get done that I mentioned earlier. The only one I didn't mention was that I wanted to spend some time with Jesus (the boy I sponsor), because I realized when I left my last trip that I hardly spent any time with him.

I accomplished all of those things. By the end of Saturday night, all the boys were good. Angel took the longest, but his reasoning was different. He gets in a funk when his family visits. They spent about 5 hours there on Saturday afternoon (his parents and his 2 sisters, grandparents, aunt & uncle). Mexico just recently made a law that families have to visit kids every 90 days to maintain their rights. It's been right over that since I last saw them in late July. I don't know if they came in between. After he processed all of that, he was back to his normal self.

Adrian didn't find anything out about his mother, but he found out he has a grandma. He didn't know that before. She's about 4-5 hours away, and she has no way of visiting him or taking care of him. She's pretty old. She visited him one time when he was 6. He remembers someone visiting him, but she never told him she was his grandma. He said, "at least I have a grandma and she's a good one." I don't know what part of that would constitute her being a good one, but at least she is in his eyes.

Jesus, he's all good... I played Sequence, Connect 4, and Bingo with him. I spent lots of time with him and we laughed so much! He'll be in more stories later...

There were two different groups of Americans that came down. Colene's group, who left about 3, and then Christopher and Margie and their group, they got there about 5. When all of the kids saw that they were staying in the guest quarters, they asked me where I was sleeping. Jesus asked me, so I told him I was sleeping in my car. He busted out laughing. He then would bring other kids over one at a time and have them ask me, then when I would tell them, they would bust out laughing again. It was cute. I went to dinner at a taco stand with the Americans and Giselle and Gabriel, and when we got back... Jesus and others immediately came to the car. He asked again, in front of Giselle and Gabriel where I was sleeping. I answered in front of them. Giselle then offered that I could sleep in their house for free. I told her thanks, but I would be fine. I kind of wanted to sleep in my car, because I wanted that challenge. I'm weird, I know. Anyway, later on in the night, Giselle told me in front of the other Americans again that I can sleep in their house. They then offered that I could sleep in the kitchen in guest quarters and that they had an extra mattress. Wahoo! I took that option. It all worked out in the end.

Sunday was one of the boy's birthday, Juroh, and so Giselle (Manuel & Gaby's daughter) said that she was going to go in and sing Happy Birthday to him at midnight. Margie and I wanted to go with, so we stayed up and went over to the boys hall just before midnight. Giselle didn't come at first, and there were lots of boys that were awake, so we all just woke him up and sang to him. For a good 20 minutes after that, I was in Macario, Hector, Mario, Jesus Guadalupe (Keith's boy), and Antonio's room. They were so incredibly hyper and I could not get them to calm down and go to bed. Macario kept talking in voices that should have been in horror movies. Angel would come over and do them too. They were talking to each other back and forth in them. Jesus Guadalupe kept on farting. He seriously must have farted at least 15 times. Him and Mario share a bed and were plugging their noses because they couldn't breath and I went over to them and pulled the blanket over their faces to really make it bad. Mexican blankets have to be the worst for that sort of thing... They just kept on talking and being goofy. It was seriously so so so much fun. That was probably my favorite memory from that trip. Giselle ended out coming later and then we sang songs to him again. Juroh cried. It was cute. We finally left at 1, but they were all still going strong.

The 10-12 year old boys were on a baseball team, and they played a game on Sunday morning. Abraham got 2 home runs! Ramon pitched and did 2 strike outs in a row, and did really well. He pitches super fast and is actually really good. They won, 16-13! That was another good present for Juroh, who was also on the team.

The Americans had an eye doctor that came this trip. This is a good time of year for them, a dentist group came in October. They have been looked at a lot. Only a handful of the kids needed glasses. The optometrist got all of their glasses from the Lion's Club, and a lot of the kids didn't like their classes. Ruby refused to wear hers. Angel's took up half of his face. Jesus, Angel, and I were walking, and Angel was wearing glasses. I asked him who's glasses they were (because they were so big, I didn't think they were his). He answered his, and I told him that he was still handsome with them. Jesus started busted out laughing. I couldn't help but laugh. They are seriously so bad, they remind me of glasses that kids would get from an adult just to be silly.

Juanito, Angel (a different one from the one previously talked about), and Manuel's mom comes every Sunday and she brings their other brother Jose with her. She always greets me and has Jose greet me with a kiss as well. This is the first time that I tried to leave before she did. I said goodbye to her and her 4 boys at the same time. Yet, I ended out not being able to leave because of adults that have blocked my car in since they were getting their eyes checked. So, this is the first time I was there when she left. Juanito started bawling, and it was so hard. I held him while he watched her leave the premises. All I could say was, "it's okay. She will be here next Sunday." She has no idea what she's doing to him only seeing him once a week. Yet, I'm glad at least that I could be there for him, since he had never met the other American's before.

Wow... I could go on... but I really should stop. I had no idea that I would write this much. Maybe I shouldn't go a week without blogging about kids again... Obviously, it could be kind of dangerous. :)

Please pray for me. Yesterday, I found out some information that showed me that I have been shafted in my job in regards to my pay. My bosses have told me since January, that I would be getting a raise, and here it is 10 months later, and I still haven't got one. I have half-way been offered other opportunities here, and so I asked them if they would like to compensate me or prefer for me to transfer to this office. They said that they feel that I am a good asset to the company, but that maybe a transfer to another team would be the best idea. They don't want to stand in my way of something that can give me more money. I am extremely annoyed, mostly because they obviously think that I'm stupid to believe the fact that they told me that I am compensated on the higher side of things for the job that I do. I want to go into details, but I can't. Anyway, there are 3 job opportunities here in the enterprise sales department. I have faxed my internal application over to my current VP and director, and I need to get it back from them before I can even officially apply for a position here. Please pray that they will respond quickly and that I will be able to get into the department here and be compensated fairly.

Update: I have an interview set up for Monday morning at 9:30 MST. Please pray that it goes well.

Okay, so I said I wouldn't blog about the kids in Mexico this week, but I never said I wouldn't blog about Mexico in general.... so......

Tonight, I was talking to someone at church about the next trip. I was then informed that someone that is supposed to go on this next trip might not go anymore. Now, many people cancel on almost every trip, but it's always because of different obligations. Not this time. This time, this person might not go because we are not going to be doing a project. That's right. They are afraid that they won't know what to do when they are down there.

I understand when people are stretched by the fact that we don't organize any activities with the kids besides the pinata and that we don't do painting or other projects. I understand that they can be uncomfortable and even nervous by being around kids for hours at a time.

Yet, this is my problem. The weekend trips are only $40 a person or $100 for a family of 3, yet people still complain about the cost. Yet, projects and activities cost money. How can I add on a good $20-40 to have a decent project or activity for the kids when people already complain?

It's almost a no win situation. People get nervous by having to "entertain" or even just be around and play with the kids all day. I used to as well, but now I know them all too well to get that way. Yet. What would they prefer? This is what I don't know.

For me, I want to be able to show people that missions aren't always what they think. You don't have to go to serve every time. We can go just to love. Love is enough. Love is what they need.

In my trips this year, I have been down there with other groups many times. They always paint and do small projects. They end out spending maybe an hour hanging out with the kids.

So, tell me this.

If everyone goes down there to paint and do projects, then who is going to love on the kids? The staff is great, but it only consists of 9 people for 80 kids and they all have their own responsibilities (cooking, laundry, admin, psychologist, etc.). Kids need love. They want attention. They want to show people their tricks and have people ask them about their families.

Yes, it might be stretching at times, maybe even most of the time. But, it's worth it. Because these kids are actually getting what they need. Love. Guidance. Direction.... even Attention.

So, sorry if this seems harsh at all, it's not meant to be. I'm speaking out of frustration right now because I'm still processing it and I love these kids like they are my own.

Let me know your thoughts and if anyone has suggestions with how to deal with this.