WARNING, REALLY LONG POST AHEAD!

Earn This

....a rememberable line from Saving Private Ryan and is even more true for me and for you. Jesus died on the cross and gave me the freedom and life that I live. Jesus is the one that came, sought me out, found me, told me why I didn't need to be scared of going home, considered and risked His own life for me and thought His life was worth the price of mine being saved. He did. He died. He sacrificed His life for me.

Yet, I can NOT earn this.

I can try to live my life for Him.
I can try to live my life in a way that would please Him.
I can try to live my life in a way that would bring Him glory.
I can try to live my life that would tell others about what He has done for me.
I can try to live my life as a living sacrifice.
I can try....but only with His help.
Thank You Lord that You give me that help.

At times I can ask myself:
Why do I struggle?
Why do I continually sin?

Besides the obvious reasons, God had given me come cool illustrations thoughout my walk with Him.

There was a time where I was stuck in a tidal wave off the CA coast. I continued to try to swim back to shore by myself. I had a life guard on a jetski come out to get me, another lifeguard swimming towards me, 2 more waiting besides the "ambulance lifeguard truck, and then finally a helicopter that came to save....me. Yet, when the first lifeguard came to me, I told him I was fine. Yet, he grabbed me anyway to bring me to shore. As I was thinking about it later that night during worship, we sang "As far as the east is from the west, that's how far He has removed our transgressions from us. Praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord." I asked God, "If You have removed them from me as far as the east is from the west, why do I still commit sins?" He gently informed me that I have to reach over all of that grace to bring them back close to me. The thought of that is amazing to me, but we all do this all day long.

Another reason why God is so great is that there is no leftover grace from the day before or borrowing from tomorrow's grace. His grace is sufficient everyday and for every sin and transgression that we commit.

The only way that we won't receive His grace is if we block ourselves from receiving it. We have the choice to openly receive it or to close ourselves off from it. There used to be an old skittles commercial where it was raining skittles and it showed someone with their mouth opened, twirling around on the hills trying to catch as many skittles inside of their mouth that they could. It was almost like a fantasy / dreamlike commercial. Well, this is the same way we should feel about God's grace. It is so amazing and it's better than any dream we could ever have. We should be wanting to receive it everyday and not blocking ourselves away from it. If we choose to not accept the grace of God and not walk in it, then we will continue to rot inside and walk away from God and His ways. It isn't until we choose and ask God for it for us to be able to walk in it.

Lately, I haven't just been putting God on the back burner.. He's been completely off of the stove. I have put stupid things like music I love on the front burner. In the car is an opportune time for me to pray and love on people. Yet, even though He has called me to have a week long secular music fast for probably a month now, I finally just started it yesterday. It wasn't until God brought me to my knees and showed me how I continued to delay it day by day that I was actually able to follow though.

This is why one common theme in the book of Hebrews is Today. It is today that we need to do the works of our Lord. It is today that can walk with Him and lay our petitions at His feet. It is today that we need to make those choices and walk them out. It is today that we shall be obedient.

God is good, because He is so faithful. 1 Tim. 2:13 says, "The Lord is faithful, even when I (we) are faithless, because He can not deny Himself." That verse is so true and it is proven true so many times in my life. Even when I am not being faithful and I am not having that much faith in Him, He will prove Himself to me and call me back. Even though I don't have to earn it, He makes me want to try...not out of duty, guilt, or obligation, but because of His love, faithfulness, goodness, and grace that He has given to me.

Thank You Lord for never giving up on me and for everything You do and don't do for me. You are more amazing than words can ever describe and thoughts could ever express. I love You my precious Lord Jesus.

I love Plumb's new song I can't do this. It's kind of how I've been feeling the past few months and it signifies where God is taking me from. Yet, there are parts of it that will always remain true. You will have to forgive me, the lyrics haven't posted on any site yet, so it's all on how I can hear them...

I woke up late
guess it wasn't really early
I hesitate
only to fail
I get so tired of procrastinating
I need a change

Chorus:
I can't do this
I can't do this
I can't do this by myself
I can't do this
I can't do this
Oh God I need Your help

I am standing still
and move so peaceful
I can't pretend
that I'm fine
I get so ? crazy agitated.
when I'm not really dying.

Chorus

Listen to me
breathing air
That's in me
You'll be free
to do anything.

Chorus

I love this song because we were never meant to be able to do it by ourselves. God has put within us a need for Him and a need to be dependent upon Him to live the life that we're called to Him. When we fail and realize that we are failing, we can remember that it's because we're doing it on our own strength and sufficiency. We can then return to being dependent upon Him and His strength.

Annah, originally uploaded by drawingnear.

I decided to join the flickr world....

Check out this mini-babe. Sometimes kids just know beautiful they are, and Annah definitely did this day. She's definitely right.

Random Thoughts

That shirt on the mannequin in the middle with the bald head would have been perfect for Dina to where to Obie and Jen's wedding.

Why would you buy something when it made a mannequin look like it had a wedgie?

The trees in medians that are cut so that they don't hit semis look really stupid.

It really sucks when there are two people on a 6 person team gone on one day.

I am so blessed to have the friends that I do.

You never know the situations that people are in when they respond to you the way that they do.

I wish I could just be a slacker and get up and go home from work right now.

If it wasn't for this new Victoria Secret lotion that I am wearing right now and being able to smell it all day, then this day would suck.

Having responsibility and authority is not all that I thought it would be.

Me?

There comes a time when people call me out,
and I just want to say, "Me?"
There comes a time when I'm caught doing something,
and I just want to say, "Me?"

I want to appear innocent;
I want to appear true;
I want to appear perfect,
especially in front of everyone I call you.

then...

There comes a time that I look inside of me
and I wonder how it all happened.

How did I become all the things I hate?
How did it happen?
How did I get there?

It now leaves me the choice of where to go from here...

I see the need:
to pick myself up,
look in the mirror,
and admit what I see.

I see a person that wants to be humble,
but is prideful in many ways.
I see a person that is so ambitious,
it has caused a need to succeed.
I see a person that everyone sees as a workaholic,
but has yet to admit it to herself.
I see a person that appears to love on the outside
but is terribly impatient and hateful on the inside.
I see a person that I myself wouldn't like
but am so glad that God loves anyway.
I see a person facing her reality,
crying out,
seeking the Lord,
to help her become everything she's not
and help her not be everything she is.

Lord, thank You for pulling the mirror that I have sat on and tried to ignore for several months now and putting it right in front of my face to see. Thank You for Dina who through being obedient by giving me a simple "that's so you" smile during today's sermon helped me realize the things that You are teaching me. Lord thank You for Susie who helped me realize that the facade I have put up is not seen by all, but that You are bigger than that and You can show people like her my reality. Lord, give me the strength that I need to be able to do the things you are calling me to do. Help me do these things and not just try or say I'm going to. Thank You for constantly loving me through all of my sickness and for being my Healer.

Why is it that change can be so scary? I say that I'm spontaneous (I like to be when I have time). I also like to think that I welcome change, yet to be honest, I don't always. Yet, as many changes are happening all around me, I have to admit that I am not always comfortable with them.

Sometimes, many times, change brings:

• fear of the unknown
• lack of knowledge
• curiousity
• hope and anxiety
• questions of the outcome
• lack of understanding/reasoning

It can feel like the following have left:

• comfort
• norm
• peace

Yet, the changes eventually become the norm. It can be scary, and yet it's worth it to go through. Lord, help us all welcome change in our lives and love the exciting opportunities and experiences that You give to us. Help us understand when those around us are finding change difficult. Help us help them, and may You help them as well. Thank You my sweet Lord.