Sometimes, there are stories that are made up that are totally humorous. Here is one that has been ongoing for a couple of days with one of my friends in Florida after I told him about a conversation I had with Lizzie. Her god-daughter e-mails her daily asking her if she's seen a drive by or ate at Hooters. This is for pure entertainment, please view it as such.

Hannah's Hood Excursions
His comments will be in green and my comments will be in orange

So if I come to Phoenix (or Pahonix as they say) are you going to take me on a tour of your ghetto? I have a few questions before I sign up with your tour company.

1. Do I have to bring my own AK-47 or do you provide the firearms?
2. If I bag a gangbanger is there taxidermy services available or do I have to find someone to stuff them for me?
3. Is there a limit on the number of gangbangers I can take?
4. Do you serve Low Carb Malt Liquor as I am trying to watch my weight?
5. Do you have souvenir gold or platinum grills or possibly a Pimp Cup available for purchase?

We are able to negotiate at any time, and the answers to your questions may change without your knowledge.

Ok I would like to make a reservation, what is you current exchange rate for food stamps?

It varies, but it's usually is one bagged gangbanger for about $20 in food stamps... If you can keep them bagged or dead for more than 48 hours, then you can normally get up to $100 in food stamps. As for reservations go, I'm usually booked a couple months in advance, but I do have a few openings in the summer. Let me know around the time that you would like to come and I will try to fit you in.

Very competitive rates. Do you have tours for any other cities?

I have only expanded to Inglewood and Compton, both outside of L.A. Hopefully, next year I will be able to add the Bronx.

That is disappointing, I was planning on being in San Diego later this year and was looking for a tour guide there.

Well, I think that it's a little too nice of an area for this kind of tour. The food stamps aren't worth nearly as much in SanDiego area as they are in the other cities.

This might be a good opportunity to expand the types of tours you offer.

Here are some ideas.

The illegal immigrant tour complete with mock deportation to Mexico. Must have valid proof of US citizenship and $10,000 to cover the smuggler's...errr we mean immigration coordinators' fees.

The college kid bar tour with an optional grand finale

1. Wake up in Tijuana with a woman's(man's)(Goat's) name tattooed on you that you do not recognize.
2. Wake up in unknown location with a woman(man)(Goat) you do not recognize.
Legal disclaimer: We are not responsible for vomit cleanup, fights started by tourist or paternity suits arising from tour activities. Additionally all incrementing photos and videos remain the property of the tour company, you, your friends, relatives and future political opponents can purchase copies please see your guide.

The plague and pestilence tour, where tourists get to go watch the mudslides extinguish the wildfires. Of course the swarm of locusts is seasonal they have to call ahead to guarantee a show.**

**Fees for rescues are extra, additionally any income generated from the video of said rescue ending up on a reality video show remain the property of the tour company. Insurance is available please see your guide.

Now remember if you use any of these I get a cut!!

I think that you and I need to go into business together, because you have all of the great ideas and then I can make some profit off of you. You really should be a tourist guide or a comedian... as long as you can come up with another identity so you never get caught.

You should hang around me sometime when I have a few beers in me I get worse.

So what you are saying is you want to be my pimp?

I don't want to get another identity I finally started answering to John just last year, I don't want to have to get used to another one. I still perk up every time someone says Javier...

It's settled then, I am now your pimp and Javier's pimp.

I think you were one of the people that woke up with the goat and it's name tattooed on you. The smugglers must have given you your current identity. That sucks for you, but maybe you can use it for your benefit in this business... I bet I can think of ways to make more money for me... or us.... if I decide to share it and you actually earn your money.

Fine but I pick the street corner this time...and the monkey...

Due to the financial and legal ramifications of the Non Disclosure Agreement I cannot discuss the Goat, his identity or the nature of our relationship...not that we had one but if we did I can't talk about it. I just want to let you know that tattoo removal is not as painless as they say it is...of course mine was done in the kitchen of a chinese restaurant with a belt sander by a guy named Stu who swore he was a doctor.

Please remember who is the pimp and who is the "employee". Don't forget it. If you're lucky, you'll get a monkey. Do not ever consider that standard. Understand?!
Due to the written approval above, you are now a contracted employee of Hannah's Hood Excursions. You no longer have any opinion or choice but must work in the assignment given to you.

It appears that you may have some psycological issues due to the situation mentioned below that can not be disclosed. Due to this, you may not receive a normal rate of pay and my % may be increased at any time.

Thank you for your business and welcome aboard to the exciting and intrinsically and extrinsically rewarding profession as an employee of Hannah's Hood Excursions.

Man its just like being back in that Turkish prison all over again...

I have to have a monkey! Have you ever tried to put butt-less leather chaps on a gerbil?

Do I get an employee discount? Because I got my eye on one of those "Crunk Juice" pimp cups.

Prison in Turkey is another piece of evidence of your psycological damage / corruption.
You may not want to give any further information for incrimination on your behalf as this can lower your pay and percentage of profits.

You may be able to get a monkey if you are on good behavior and contributing a large profit toward the company. If you think it's hard to put butt-less leather chaps on a gerbil, try putting overalls on a cobra.

You will get an employee discount after a trial period of 90 days. Hopefully, the "Crunk Juice" pimp cups will not be discontinued during this time.

Thank you again for joining the team!

I guess I better shut up before I have to start paying to work for you!!

Overalls on a cobra?? Well we have established beyond a shadow of a doubt you are as warped as I am.

To be continued....

Bad Habits
by Michael Tolcher

I get all my bad habits, watching you, it's true
I wish that things were so different,
change it myself, it's what I'll do

I can't figure it out yet
Just how to make it perfect for you
But I'm closer than I was yesterday
Yeah, I'm closer than I was yesterday.

They say that life is for learning
Teach me to live while I'm here
Messages twisted and turning
What should I give, make it clear

I can't figure it out yetJust how to make it perfect for youBut I'm closer than I was yesterdayYeah, I'm closer than I was yesterday.

Don't you notice the difference, I'm not the same
I'm only here to be with you
Now I'm closing the distance
Dropping the blame, trading the past for something new.

Why would you work without living
Spending your soul, what's it worth?
I hope you make it to heaven...
Waiting for life here on earth

Cus' I can't figure it out yet
Just how to make it perfect for you
But I'm closer than I was yesterday,
Yeah, I'm closer than I was yesterday.

This song is completely speaking into my life right now ~ especially with everything that I've been going through. It's so dumb really, but I have been more exhausted than usual because of the battle of my flesh against my spirit within me. Sometimes I don't even really know what I'm thinking or what I believe, but yet, I am regaining my focus upon God.

Everyone has noticed my bad habits lately, and that's okay...because I'd much rather live my life as an open book so that people can speak into my life when they know I need it... I wish that I could change myself and have everything different to where I can reach perfection, but I'm not there. All I can hope for is to be closer tomorrow than I am today. Life is hard, living life for God is hard, but it is all about learning from and teaching others with wisdom. I wish that I could make my life perfect before and for God, but it's only Him that can help me as I get there. By repenting, I am able to close the distance that I have put between Him and myself, and I can get cleansed and refreshed with the blessings of God.

So, here I am, as I am living my life day to day, trying to figure all of this out.... trying to be closer to God than I was before...

Trying to refocus with a few of my favorites scriptures:

Hosea 10:12
"Sow with a view to righteousness,
Reap in accordance to kindness,
Break up your fallow ground,
For it is time to seek the Lord,
Until He comes to rain righteousness on you."

Psalm 17:15
As for me, I shall behold Your face in righteousness;
I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness."

2 Corinthians 3:5
Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God.

Amos 4:12
Prepare to meet your God....

My goal in life is:
to become a woman that lives completely through my faith in the Lord that has a gentle and quiet spirit and wisdom to follow whatever the Lord desires for my life to be filled with the fullness of God.

Lord help me live out Your word and depend upon and worship you all the days of my life.

My vision has been clouded.....

Have you ever felt like you were viewing this world or your life through a cloud? Have you ever felt like you like you can't see anything clearly? Have you ever wondered what is happening to the way that you live your life?

I must say that I have incredible friends. They have taken the cloud away from my eyes so that I can see clearly.
They have scraped the ice off of the windshield so I can really see the road before me.
They have rubbed and rubbed my eyes so that I may truly open them when I have tried to walk around blindly.

For the past few weeks I have been living inside of a cloud...an unrealistic heathen paradise of a way of thinking....It's amazing how easily distracted I can become and how I was so quick to consider compromising just because a heathen was going to "compromise" or give stuff up for me.... It's so stupid really, but at the time, it seemed a little appealing... I would be lying if I said that there's nothing in this dirty heathen secular world that is appealing or attractive....or even if I was trying to claim that I am completely fine now. No, I'm so not there at all.

Yet, because of DofaK, Oz, PM, PW, and RM, I feel like I have been lifted up from falling flat on my butt and I am now able to walk.

Even though I have been walking in a puddle, Jesus has lifted me up and cleared and dried the road before me so that I am able to walk next to Him...Since He then saw that I was/am still stumbling and that I do not have a clear and sober mind and that I am just that lost dumb sheep, He had to break my leg just so that He can put me up and carry me around on His shoulders.

As much as I have no idea as to what God has in store for me, I can feel His loving arms of grace around me, comforting me, and showing me how much He cares. One of the huge ways He has done this is with my awesome friends. Sometimes, I just need to hear it from more than one person for it to sink into my hard head. Yet, because of God and the friends listed above.....

I can see clearly now the rain is gone
I can see all the obstacles in my way
I can see clearly now the rain is gone,
It's a bright, bright, sun-shiny day

Spontaneity

Yeah, I don't usually have it, but I guess I did last week. It's fine until you start forgetting your commitments... Oops.

Last Wednesday night I went to the Gavin DeGraw/ Michael Tolcher concert in Scottsdale. It rocked so much, they are so amazing. I was very excited to go ~ and the whole thing was free which made it even better. Well, there were two friends of mine that didn't get to go to that concert because it was sold out. Thursday, I was talking to them about the concert and one of them said that he was going to go to the one in SanDiego instead. Well, when I told that to the other, she was excited and then we were pondering if we should go too.... After she asked her husband, we decided to buy tickets for the Sunday show in SanDiego...Well, that was sold out. So then we found one in Claremont, CA... and I bought the tickets.

So, Susie and I took off work @ 1 on Friday and drove to LA for the concert. We went to the concert and had an incredible time and probably took too many pictures that it would be considered lusting... Yet, we were then able to sleep in and continue the day as we wanted. We went to thrift stores, then drove to Hermosa Beach to do some shopping, eat some seafood, and walk on the beach. After we were finished, we drove to Inglewood with the intent of getting raped, and then continued on the wonderful LA freeway to do some more shopping at the huge outlet mall near Indio. After that spontaneous, more than fabulous day, we got home at 2:00 a.m...... Well, I got home @ 3:00 because I made a few circles on the way home from Queen Creek.... Yippee Yah.

Overall, this was an incredible 36 hour trip. It was so fabulous... that I might just have to go see him in Vegas next month...since I've already done the CA thing.

I have been called a groupie all day by everyone at work, and just as Lizzie is the "Reluctant Missionary"... I hereby declare myself a "Reluctant Groupie".

I hope you all have had a wonderful Valentines Day... It has been a great day. Everyone remember the love that God has for us and that we have for each other. This is a day to appreciate and think about all the people that we love and that God has put into our lives. Let the love flow.....

Some secular songs are just so beautiful... Even though this isn't my favorite song on the Garden State soundtrack, it is the one that God has been using to minister to me lately.

Coldplay
Don't Panic

Verse
Bones sinking like stones
All that we've fought for
All these places we've grown
All of us are done for

Chorus
And we live in a beautiful world
Yeah we do, yeah we do
We live in a beautiful world

Ending...
Oh all that I know
There's nothing here to run from
'Cos yeah, everybody here's got somebody to lean on

************************
So, I think that this is a great song because it helps me realize that we do live in a beautiful world. Our God created an awesome, incredible, beautiful world, and we get to enjoy it. We would be completely done for and just sinking in all of our problems and misery if Jesus did not come to save us. Yet, He has saved us, and now we can we can face our problems, struggles, pains, hurts, and confusions head on because we can lean on God and each other.

Thank you to all of you for all the times you have let me puke all over you with everything that's going on in my life. Thank you for being there for me, allowing me to lean on you, and for always directing me to God and His ways. I am truly thankful.

Have you ever noticed that when you're disobedient to God, that He takes away all the fun and potential blessings?
Have you ever noticed that when you're obedient to God that He just blesses your socks off?

This is why I need all of my friends to hold me accountable, and when I'm being completely stupid ~ I give you all permission to pull me aside and just slap me. :) Not literally... but you get the drift.... After all, I want to get God's blessings and enjoy every part of my life...lol

Yet, God always uses everything for good, just because we're His children. When His other children are involved too, then He makes things even better. Thank you Lord for Your goodness and dealing with all of my stupidity. Help me be stronger in You, weaker in my own strength, and help me learn how to put others before myself. I need You to change me and to make into the person that You created me to be. Help me Lord be willing and moldable as You change me.