A while ago, I was reading Exodus 14 and verses 13 and 14 say, "Do not be afraid. Stand form and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." The Lord fights constantly for all of our battles, especially the spiritual ones within. He is good and all we need to do is be still and know that He is Lord.

A couple of days ago I read Exodus 35:21, 36:6-7 ". . . Everyone who was willing and whose heart moved him came and brought an offering to the Lord fo rth ework on the Tent of Meeting, for all its service, and for the sacred garments. All who were willing. . . . Then Moses gave an order and they went this word throughout the camp: 'No man or woman is to make anything else as an offering for the sanctuary.' And so the people were restrained from bringing more, because what they already had was more than enough to do all the work." Wouldn't it be nice if this was the problem today. I think that we need to be wise to who we give to, yet I think it's impossible to give too much to the right source. Everything I have is God's and I need to remember that. It's not on loan. The things that God does give me though, I should go to Him to show me how to use it wisely for His good purpose.

1 Corinthians 5:11 "But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner - not even to eat with such a person."

Sounds somewhat simple now, right? Wrong. Applying this verse to my life is very hard. My sister fits these things and now I need to figure out how to be obedient to this. How much time is it okay to spend with her? Are my parents supposed to ostricize her out of the family? I don't know. My uncle mostly, and also my cousins, probably claim to many people that they are Christians, yet they are drunks. Am I not to go to any family functions? Am I supposed to be like my Grandad and just pretend like it's not going on? This is what I am going to seek out.

Just as I think, "most of my questions are getting answered - or at least not as confusing", I get some new questions. I am beginning to realize, "THERE IS ALWAYS MORE TO LEARN ABOUT LIVING OUT CHRISTIANITY. FROM THIS, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE MORE QUESTIONS. IT'S NOT BAD TO BE QUESTIONING AND FIGURING OUT HOW TO LIVE OUT THE BIBLE. THIS IS ATTEMPTING TO LIVE OUT LIFE AS A CHRISTIAN." I have been feeling like I have been legalistic lately, yet I haven't. I am simply attempting to be obedient to the things the Lord has been convicting me about. Have I perfected it, no way, I have a long way to go. Yet, doing things because the bible says so isn't legalistic, it's being obedient to Jesus.
Galatians 3:1-3 says, "O foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you that you should not obey the truth, before whose eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed among you as crucified? This only I want to learn from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith? Are you so foolish? Having begun in hte Spirit, are you now being made perfect by the flesh?"
So basically, I just need to be able to trust in God as I am doing things and not try to do it out of my flesh. It's a lot easier to not be legalistic than I thought. Just because others may think I am being legalistic as I am being obedient, doesn't mean it's true. I can't make my walk decrease because of others misconceptions. I am not saying this pridefully, I am saying it because it is more important to be obedient to God and please Him by obeying Him than by worrying about what others think about my walk.

Sometimes I think "What am I hearing? Who am I listening to? How am I supposed to respond to it?" So then I wonder, what if I am putting these thoughts into my own head. Maybe, just maybe I want to hear what I want so bad that I say it to myself. Then I go into the mode, "Maybe my whole way of wanting answers is so clogged up in my head that I couldn't hear God if He was even trying to speak to me." Then I go to, "Well, God always talks, so Lord, open up and clear my mind that I may hear what You are saying not what I am trying to make myself hear what I want to hear. I want to know what you desire."

Just a few thoughts that go through my mind, a kind of spiritual warfare. Jesus promises in John 10:3-4 "To him the doorkeeper opens, and the sheep hear his voice; and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. And when he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice."

I know I am His sheep and HE is my shephard. Even when satan tries to lead me astray or attempts to 'answer' the questions going through my head, I am not going to follow. This is what this verse means, right? Yet, Jesus will guide me and show me because I belong to Him and He is going to guide me in the ways in which I shall go. I am supposed to always be able to discern what He is calling me to do. Yet, what if I don't want to, then what? I still belong to Him and my free will takes over. Now I don't want this to happen, yet I know I choose the other way all the time. If I didn't I would be sinless, and I am clearly not. So is this just an honest attempt to show the every-day struggles in my life. Maybe. Does it mean it makes since. Clearly not. It only makes since to me. I realize this, yet, I know that when I do discern and be obedient to God, then it makes it easier for me to hear Him the next time. So, Lord, Help me be obedient to You and hear what You are telling me to do.

All this for, I finally have peace regarding the whole women issue. I need not to worry about it any more. The whole conflict in my head was killing me and just confusing me so much that it felt like my mind was leaving my body. Yet, I have it once again. Wahoo! I hope and pray I have the right interpretation this time. So, I am not to interupt service or teach man. This is how I now look at this verse. (1 Cor. 14:34-35) I now have peace and the comfort that the only Lord can fill. He is good. After years of trying to study and figure out the verses, I now know what He calls me to follow.