Drawing Near

2009-07-05T12:18:00.002-07:00

Today, was all about privelage....

When the worship team was playing, we were reminded in a song of how the veil was torn once Jesus died on that cross. We are now able to enter into the Holy of Holies - the place only the most sacred priests could enter.

This is our privelage.

We have no need to be jealous of Elijah, who made the followers of Baal look stupid by them not being able to light their fire when his ignated after gallons upon gallons of water being poured on it.

We have no need to be jealous of David who wrestled and won against a lion and bear, and who was able to kill a giant with a slingshot and 1 stone.

We have no need to be jealous of Moses who parted the red sea with just a stick that could turn into a serpant in a second.

We have no need to be jealous of Mephishobeth who got to eat at the kings table every day, even though he was handicapped.

We are more privelaged than all of them. They just might be jealous of us.

Why?

We are privelaged. We can enter into the Holy of Holies. Finally, God's presence isn't restrained or constricted. We are able to always be in His presence. We don't have to wait for special holy days or go through different requirements and sanctification processes. We can pray, worship, and simply just be with God - anytime and anywhere we want.

Shelly also made good points about us being privelaged.

It might sound silly to say that we are privelaged to serve, but we are. For people that have never served, they won't get it. For those of you that have, you know there's no higher high than knowing that YOU were used by the Almighty God. He could use anyone to reach that person or to do that task, but He chose YOU. What a rush that brings when we are obedient to those things that usually make us nervous.

Act like you're privelaged. I need to walk in my privelage. It's not something we have to flaunt, it flaunts within us, it permeates from our deepest parts, and it should be obvious to everyone that we see.

2009-05-14T14:38:00.002-07:00

So, I don't know how many of you like or know about Family Life Radio (90.3), but I have to say, I absolutely love it. I always listened to Air1 in the past, but now, I barely ever go that way. Not to make it seem like I am a sponsor or an employee, but I like the morning show, the 1:00 and 9:00 talks with Dr. Randy Carlson, and even the Adventures in Odyssey sections at 8:00 pm on weeknights and 8:00 am on Saturday mornings. Let's admit it, there are always lessons that we need to re-learn, no matter how old we are. Oh, and on Sunday mornings, there's a great pastor that I get a good chunk in on during my drive to church. It's really random how his messages will go in-sync with Ben's as well. It's super awesome.

I say all of that for this.... because today was another one of those days. See, I was simply driving from Target to Michaels (maybe a 30 second drive), and that's when I heard a pastor say this...

"People's testimony isn't who they are on a Sunday morning during church - it's
who they are at work. I want to see people how they are at work, in their
workplace, around their fellow employees. I want to see how they act, and
how they treat people."

That little chunk was so great. It made me think... How do I treat people? I'm sure the people from Insight know quite a side of me. I had my ups and downs... from times where they saw me as the Mexico missions minded person that also taught the Prims on Wednesdays to being a drunken fool that got escorted out of the Insight Bowl because I was complete drunken idiot. They saw me at the 2 extremes that I have lived my life. Which, honestly, is kind of the reason why I never wanted to go back there. Plus, there are some people that still work there, that are definite reminders of the worst and stupidest mistakes that I have ever made.

Now, here, at my new job, I have a new start. People know that I am a church-goer, that I used to live in Mexico and work at orphanages - and that I can't go back to them. Yet, they also know that I go to bars a few times a year, and that I have impeccable taste in beer (if I do say so myself). It's after having conversations with people about stuff like that that I wonder, uh oh, did that ruin my witness... Then, I reflect and realize that I added the important details... you know, the ones that say, I don't drink to excess or very much, and that I drink soberly...

So, I definitely still have more to ponder on, and I can try to live my testimony of my life to a better accord. I need to process what is acceptable and beneficial, and also what isn't... Hopefully, this will be encouraging to some so that you may be able to do the same.

2009-04-16T22:12:00.000-07:00

Please pray for:

Trish - finds out in the next few days what type of cancer she has & what stage she's in. She's not a Christian.

Brook's mom - part of her colon was taken out today & it wasn't cancerous yet, but it had potential of becoming cancerous.

Dorothy - I can't remember, but she's been sick for a few months.

Lois - has a pool of blood in her lower abdomen, is recovering from nmeuonia, & is going home from the hospital tomorrow.

2009-03-30T11:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday totally caught me off guard for some reason.

At church, I got a couple of random comments. One was from someone thanking me for talking to her because she was having a bad day. I also had 3 new people in my group. This is more odd to me because I am not usually a person that welcomes or gets to know the newbies. I'd rather wait to get to know them later.

Then, last night I was told that worship comes easy to me. Now, I have to say that I've never thought of that before. I've only thought of how I can't carry a tune and how I have never been gifted musically. Yet, when I think about it as entering in, then I do agree that it comes naturally for me. For that, I am thankful.

It's so weird to find out the little ways God uses us and things that other people see in us. My encouragement to you is to try to remember to tell people those things every once in a while.

2009-03-25T08:47:00.000-07:00

Why is it that, generally speaking, it's easier to do things when they are "for God" instead of "for ourselves".

See, I've always mocked people who give up stupid things for lint - until this year. I remember a girl in college who gave up painting her toe nails. To her - it was an unbearably huge sacrifice. Well, this year, I decided to give up sweets - the unnecessary and unhealthy kind. So - no candy, cookies, cakes, etc. For me, it's hard because I used to eat them daily. I couldn't give them up as part of my hope to have a healthier diet. So, I do it for God so there's not an option.

So, I encourage you to change your attitude about something you are failing at - and do it for God - dedicate it to him.

2009-03-08T14:46:00.002-07:00

A few random things....

It's great when God explains to us what is going on inside. I have been struggling with what my heart and mind have been doing to me since I've been told that I have been freed from singleness. Then, today... He simply said, "Before, you mourned for your heart's dreams. Now, you're mourning for your singleness."

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On the radio today, they were reading a psalm of Asepth (I can't remember his name). In it, it explains why the wicked seem to have life so easy. Then it kind of points out the amazing truth: This life here on earth is as close to heaven as the wicked will ever see. And, this life here on earth is as close to hell as the forgiven will ever see. There's so much truth in simplicity.

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I was reading the commentary in my bible today, and with the story of the Samaritan woman by the well, it told another story. It was a story of a teenage girl that had an abortion without anyone knowing about it except the taxi driver that took her home. Then, one day, she sat in her bathroom and cried out unknowingly to God in her loneliness, and He simply told her, "I know." Just like in the story in the Bible, God loves us despite everything He knows about us. It's a truly beautiful thing.

2009-02-22T16:09:00.002-07:00

"I look at life in a whole new way now." - Seth B. after his baptism today.

"I found it!" (complete with a hug) - Savanna H. after she found her bible a few weeks ago.

"Nope, that's As Good As It Gets." - a Jack Nicholson voiced member after I helped him.

"I will say a long prayer for you my child." - an eldery Catholic woman.

2009-02-01T13:35:00.002-07:00

Since I was called to singleness in August of 2006, it has been a really easy road for me. Yet, the past few months have brought some struggle. I have been praying and asking God to re-confirm my singleness or to release me from it and confirm that. However, the silence has been daunting me.

Then, today, Ian gave a word. He shared that some of us can identify with the jailor in the story of Acts 16 and that God wants to take us out of our jail cell. God is wanting to tell us that it was our mistake, and that we are able to be released from it.

It was then, that I knew this word was for me. See, I have put myself in a jail cell of singleness. I had this fear that if I was to pursue anything with anyone, that God may tell me on my wedding day that it wasn't from Him and that I had to say no and stay single. Yet, through Bruce and Rae's prayers, they confirmed that it was a lie from the enemy that God would never let me go that far.

So, here I am, resting. Resting in the Lord and His freedom and grace. Resting in the fact that He will be with me as I go forward. I need to be comfortable and willing to go wherever God leads me, and in whatever direction He brings me.

2009-01-20T21:15:00.002-07:00

Last year and this year.....

Last year was a crazy year in my life. I moved twice, between countries, and I learned how easily I can fail and yet how strong God has made me. I was stretched like no other, went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows, and I was blessed more than I have ever been. I met and formed relationships with people that I will remember forever. I worked and bettered my cooking and baking abilities, learned the right and wrong ways to give and even to love. I learned how to forgive more and how to be more forgiving. I learned how to enjoy reading, and I almost read the whole bible in the course of the year (didn't quite get to finish Revelation). I read lots of wonderful books. I read over my goal of the previous year (which was a book a month) - thank you to those of you that let me borrow them. :) Yet, in the end, I learned how to appreciate the little things and the big things more. I learned how to see the love in authority and to appreciate it - even though I made some mistakes in that area.

This year, I am focused on health. I listen to Family Life Radio (90.3) constantly. It feeds me way more than Air1, which I still enjoy at times. I like listening to Dr. Randy Carlson and how he counsels people over the phones and I have learned a lot. I've learned how to be a stronger person, better ways to how people accountable, and better ways to talk to people and deal with things. So, back to health... I am focused on becoming healthy in every way: mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and last but not least - financially.

Mentally - I'm just trying to figure out how to process things better so that the other things will fall into place.
Emotionally - I don't know how I'm going to work on it, but I trust that God will show me as the year goes on. I think I'm okay right now, but I'm sure I can improve in this area as well.
Spiritually - prayer is huge and has always been something for me to work on. Lately, I feel the need to pray more and I find myself praying without ever thinking about doing it. I'm being drenched by His beautiful Word in my own times with God and then on the radio as well.
Physically - I'm trying to cut out sweets and eat better. I started on a diet last week, and I'm trying to be realistic by making better eating choices. Eventually, I hope to start working out.
Financially - I've been tithing regularly since Oct./Nov. and it's been amazing. God has been blessing me so much, and I actually have a savings account now. Praise God.

So, here's to health. Health in all parts of our lives individually and health in all of the relationships in our lives.

2009-01-11T15:15:00.002-07:00

As Ben brought up why Jesus loves us today, and the oh so famous song, Jesus Loves Me, it got me thinking about.....

How even the 20th or 30th time in a day when we sing this song, it still helps us. I watch twins that have special needs, and one of them will say a word or phrase of a song and then want me to sing the rest. Well, one day, she said the word Jesus, so I started singing it. I must confess that when I get tired of singing Jesus loves me, I start singing Jesus loves the little children. :)

I love to pray with kids when I put them to sleep. I've done it forever. When I was putting my cousins to bed a month or so ago, I asked one of them is she ever prays. She said no. Then, I asked her if she ever went to church, and she said no. When I asked why, she told me it was because she doesn't know very much. It saddens me that this excelling student in school (at age 7) doesn't like church because she doesn't feel like she can excel at church - especially since she doesn't know the answers to the different questions in class.

The other night, my niece told me that she was going to sleep with me. Well, she usually just says that so I will read her some stories. A few nights before, she wanted me to read from the Bible, so I suggested that. Yet, this night I decided to tell her stories from it so I could paraphrase it a little bit from the NKJV. First, I told her the story of the blind man that Jesus put mud on his eyes so he could see. At the end of the story, her eyes got big and wide and she said, "tell me more!". So I did... It's great to see when a child is just beginning to hunger God.

A few months ago, I was talking to a kid after a church service about faith. I mentioned to him that God said we can move mountains by a mustard seed of faith. He didn't believe me so I showed him the verse (I guess he wasn't listening good enough). After he read it, I could see the faith in his eyes grow, and he turned around and told the first mountain he saw to move.

It's reasons like some of these that we are called to be like the little children...

2009-01-02T21:01:00.002-07:00

It has been almost 3 months since I have moved back here, but I finally have a full time job. I just got the offer for a full time job this afternoon. I am going to start working at AAA in their membership department. It's not necessarily a dream job, but it's a foot in the door for now. My aunt works there as well, so it will be nice to see her more.

I actually have 2 other jobs as well. I have been working with TCH and special needs children for almost 7 years now. I only work with one family, but I still work with them often. They have turned into family over the years.

My other job is with Primerica. I am authorized to sell auto, home, and life insurance as well as prepaid legal services, refinance loans, and standard loans. It's been great to work with Christians - which I never expected. I can't explain what it's like to go to a work meeting and hear scriptures quoted and leaving with a feeling like I left a church service. They have actually converted some people from LDS to standard Christianity from our meetings. This is more of a part time job where I can make my own hours, so it will be easy to maintain while I get a more steady paycheck from AAA.

2008-12-25T21:16:00.002-07:00

Sydney

Sarah (sister), Elias, and Lily

Me with Elias and Sydney

Lily and Macy (only 2 months apart)

Kylie the shy cheerleader

Elias

Colten and Jax

Macy, Dakota, Lily, and Devin

Merry Christmas to all of you and your family. I hope it was bright and joyous and a celebration of the birth of our risen and saving Lord.

2008-12-05T22:25:00.003-07:00

I had a great convo tonight with my bf that lives in CO. We were talking about a lot of things including our prayer lives and things like that. While we were talking, she brought up about how Mary pondered after Michael left. (Luke 2:19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.)

This got me thinking. Sometimes, I do more pondering than praying. Then, I realized why. There are times that the things I need to pray for are things that I have some fear or uncomfortableness about - and so, with that, I ponder instead of pray, out of fear what God will say when I pray, seek, and ask. Some of you might understand this, but for those of you that don't, I'll try to explain it a little bit further. I guess, it is just that it's easier to ponder in situations when a certain outcome is more desired than simply putting it in God's hands. In some cases, it's a fear of Him blessing us and giving us our heart's true desires, and in other cases, it's easier to ponder how to handle different situations or how to figure things out.

I love talking to my friend because we always end out coming to these realizations about our walks that we just didn't see or recognize before hand. Yet, in the end, it opens our eyes so that we are able to change our bad behaviours and focus harder and more steadfast and doing what is right.

Oh, but one last thing - I do think there is a healthy way to ponder, and I do think that when we ponder, it's probably when our spirit is interceding for us - kind of how God can understand our groanings and moanings as prayers. :)

I really hope that all of this makes sense... Here's to putting more things in God's hands, and praying in a way that we will accept God's will for our lives, no matter if it's what we think we want or not!

2008-11-29T20:10:00.002-07:00

Give thanks for everything, and for everything, give thanks.

Life isn't always peachy and sometimes, I wonder why God loves me at all. There are so many times where just dealing with people (like my sis) seems unbearable. Yet, God is good, and He gives us love for all (in timing) - even family.

Thanksgiving seems to have always been my favorite holiday. It's the beauty of spending time together without anything besides the enjoyment of each other. At Christmas, it's spoiled with presents and surprises, sadness, or disappointments of them. At Easter, we have great egg hunts, even for the adults, but again, some people are annoyed when people win year after year when it's completely luck. With Thanksgiving, it's all about family and having a spirit of thankfulness for everything God has given us. To me, that's beautiful.

I'm thankful for my church and the church family that I have. I love the beauty of seeing people healed internally and externally. I love seeing the beauty of kids that are surpassing me in their maturity, faith, and trust in the Lord.

I'm thankful for my family and all of my relatives. I got to see almost everyone this year. I missed my aunt and uncle in Ecuador and their 3 kids and 3 granchildren that live in CA and OR. I also missed my uncle's brother's family and my cousin-in-law's family that usually join us. Oh, and I definitely missed my cousin, his wife, and their 2 daughters who got there after we had to leave. And, I can't forget that I missed my cousin that is on his way to become a Phase 2 Army Ranger - pray for him. Yet, I am blessed. I still got to see tons of people. I have a set of grandparents that are living - even if they tell crazy stories. I saw 4 aunts, 5 uncles, 11 cousins, and 9 second cousins. My life is pretty good.

I am also thankful that I have ways to make ends meet. I might not have money for excess, but I have money to pay my bills and needs, and for that, I am thankful.

Last night, we went out to celebrate my cousin's 30th birthday. It was awesome and fun. I got to run into people I haven't seen in years, and I made friends with people I've never met. It was also great to be able to be around Christians in every setting. Thank You Lord for always allowing me to be around people that remind me of Your awesome presence.

2008-11-23T12:22:00.002-07:00

WARNING: LONG POST...... IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ MY LONG STORY, THEN GO TO THE SHORT SYNOPSIS AT THE END. :)

In the past, I never shared about my "hard times" while I was living in Mexico. For one, I don't like worrying people when it's unnecessary. I also heard some rumors about me that went around my old church - that are not true. So, to kill two birds with one stone, I think I'll share about one of my experiences.

One day, my sister and niece came to visit me. While my sister was on a pay phone in town, I took my niece back to my house to use the restroom. Low and behold, I had a teenager that used to live at CdE waiting for me at my house. I invited him in, fed him, and found out what has happened in his life in the few months that I didn't see him.

After then seeking counsel from my new bosses (so to speak) at CT, I went to DIF Imuris and asked them for assistance. They told me I had to go onto CdE's property (even though I wasn't allowed on) to get Mario for his assistance. After complications and following instructions, I took the teen to DIF Magdalena that same day where they allowed temporary custody to a man that was willing to take him in.

About two weeks later, two 10 and 12 year old girls ran away from CdE. They came to my house to say goodbye and asked me to help them. I told them that they were not allowed to be at my house and that I could not help them in anyway. After seeing many tears on their little faces - refusing to accept no, I told them that I could only bring them to DIF. In the previous situation, everyone told me that I needed to go to DIF, so this is what I thought was the responsible, right, and law-abiding thing to do. Yet, I had been to DIF Imuris multiple times, and they have never truly helped me. So, in an effort to get immediate help, I was going to take them to DIF Magdalena.

While we were on the way, I got "pulled over" by the psychologist from CdE. Then, the owners of the orphanage blocked me in the front. From misunderstanding came anger. At first, they just wanted to call another lady from DIF, take the girls, and go on our ways. Then, something changed and they decided to call the local police. They came, and they asked for the keys to my car. One of the officers drove my car while I went in the Police truck. The girls were supposed to go in my car, but one of the girls was crying so vehemently, that the officer ordered the DIF psychologist to stop holding her back and allowed her to come with me in the truck.

Upon reaching the police station, we played the waiting game. It seemed to take forever. I was crying uncontrollably for fear of what was going to happen. Everyone assured me that I would be going home that day, but I wasn't sure if I could trust them. The older of the two girls, came over to me, hugged me, and told me she loved me. Now, she was my favorite of all of the girls at CdE, we have always had a special bond, and it was the first time she ever told me that. The newest psychologist to the orphanage then yelled at her and said, "And that is exactly why she is here and she is in trouble!".

They then got all of the officials and began the paperwork with the girls and the orphanage staff. I was placed in a holding cell during that time. During the 4 hours I was in there (everything takes longer in Mexico), I was asked if I had family in town, what happened, was told excessively by "visitors" and "workers" that I was beautiful, and asked if I needed anything to drink or eat. It definitely was not what I considered a normal police station experience - yet, it did smell like feces. (PS. If you lack self esteem, go to Mexico, they are very complimentary there.)

I was then taken to the police commander's office where we sat and chatted for 3 hours waiting for my "accuser" to come. I got to talking to him for a long time. After he was giving me sort of a lecture, he then remembered me when I was a clown in the town hall for the celebration of Mother's Day. I confirmed that it was me, and then he said this, "Your love is perfect, and your love is pure. Yet, these children come from bad homes. They can say that they love you as a mom, but some of their moms did inappropriate things with them, so they don't understand your pure love. So, until you're 40, don't tell a kid that you love them, because they might not understand it the right way." This was the first time I had ever looked at it like that, and it was such an eye opener for me. He then proceeded to ask me to marry him, and he even found me a god mother (even though I told him I wasn't Catholic). He also gave me his cell phone number and told me that if any other kid came to my house, to call him, and that he would come over and help them and solve the situation for me.

Side note: I did end out having to call him later on for another situation, and it was resolved in 10 minutes flat!

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Okay, now for the real reason for this post -

I always prided myself in being able to tell the kids the next time I would see them and following through on the promise. So, whether it was "until tomorrow" or "until next week" or "until next month", they usually had a date as to when I would return.

Then, yesterday I read verses 61 and 62 from Luke 9, and it hit me in a way that it never has before:

(In response to Jesus saying "Follow Me.") - And another also said, "Lord, I will follow You, but let me first go and bid them farewell who are at my house." But Jesus said to him, "No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God."

Wow... Sometimes the only thing that is hard for me from not being able to see the kiddos in Mexico, is that I didn't get to say "Goodbye for good" to most of them. I said, "until ...." and so I feel so bad that my last thing was an unfulfilled promise. Yet, now I know, I will never say that again, because life is uncertain, and in the end, I need to be obedient to God, and sometimes we don't know all His plans and whether or not we are called to stay or go. So, if I ever do go back to an orphanage, I will learn and say, "Until next time" or "Until God allows us to meet again". I am fit for the kingdom of God due to God's mercy, grace, and love, and it may take time, but I am learning - even if it is just one thing at a time.

2008-10-20T12:05:00.002-07:00

Wow, my life has been crazy lately, so I really haven't had time to blog. I'll give a short update on all parts of my life.

1) The women's retreat - 2 weeks ago - was amazing. It was great to get reconnected with people that I haven't got a chance to talk to in a long time, catching up with others, and meeting some new people.

Also, during my time there, I was reading in Matthew when Peter asks Jesus how many times he has to forgive someone..surely 7 is a lot. Then, Jesus replied, "try 7 x 7". The next day, as Mandy was sharing her story, God started working in me. In the end, He showed me that I had unforgiveness towards HIM! How crazy is that. Yet, that's exactly what it was. I never thought there would be a time where I would need to forgive God in my heart, but that's exactly what I had to do. There's lots of things that happen in our lives that we might not understand, and sometimes we blame God, but we must know that if these things are truly from Him, then they will work good in us and others.

2) I have moved. I now live with my sister, bro-in-law, and niece in Tempe. We live in an apartment complex right by his work, so he can walk. It's awesome. We're pretty much all moved in and organized. I have taken advantage of the gym a couple of times and my body is feeling it today. 9 months without exercise will do that to you! But, it does feel great to use some of my muscles again.

3) I still don't have a job. I found out this morning that I didn't get the job that I interviewed with last week. I have started a job with PriMerica (life insurance, debt free solutions, and tons more!) but you have to finish the training before you start getting paid. I am going to start getting my license soon. I still have my job at TCH (working with special needs kids), but there's not a ton of hours available. Anyway, I would like to get a job at UofP, we'll see if I can get one.

4) Is that it? Oh, I guess so. I'll just blog about my niece. Yesterday was her 2nd time at my church, and she loved it again. She was totally shy the entire time, but she went on and on telling her mom about it when we got home yesterday. In their class, they released a grasshopper on the playground, and so she wanted to release some balloons as well. We ended out putting little notes on the bottom of the strings that said "Jesus loves you" and Jesus te ama" and a special drawing from her.

5) Oh, yesterday I got the chance to teach the 4th-6th grade class. It was about longsuffering, and it was totally fun. It's a great group of kids. The curriculum said that it was supposed to be a grapefruit - probably because it's sour but still good - but I think otherwise. I told the kids that I see it more as a coconut - hard on the outside, you need to have strength to get through it, and then you are rewarded with yummy milk and the white stuff.

Anyways, God is good. Very good. I am blessed, and I'm sorry I haven't been blogging very much lately. I'll try to post more regularly.

2008-09-30T11:56:00.003-07:00

It's good to back at my home church again. I love my church, I love the people, and I love how I am able to worship God freely.

This past Sunday, I brought my sister and niece to church with me. My little cousin's 5th birthday party started at 11, so they came with me instead of going to my parents' church in Scottsdale that starts at 10:30. Timing and location are key sometimes. :)

It was great to see people that were missing the week before and to find out that I will be able to go to the women's retreat this weekend. I am really looking forward to it - especially spending time with Mandy, Amy, and every one else that I love so dearly.

Yet, here's the cool things, the reactions of the church from my niece and sister.

My niece, Lily, is 4 years old. At my parents' church, she constantly begs for me to stay with her. At VCC, she cried when we didn't stay with her (she was also younger then). Now, here at Amadeo, she stayed in the class with only wanting a kiss goodbye. Then, yesterday, when I was e-mailing someone, she asked if I was writing my friend from my church. She then said, "I want to go to your church again. Everyone liked me. Can I go to your church with you sometime?" Apparently, Kathleen, Chris, Lynden, Stryder, Ella, Trinity did something right, because she really wants to go again.

My sister, Sarah, also enjoyed the service. She was blessed by how people were able to participate with testimonies and with communion, and she also felt more comfortable to worship. She told me that she enjoyed the feel of the people and how people weren't afraid to be freaks for God. It encouraged her to see so many people that are "on fire" and living for God.

These were their words, not mine. I was just blessed that they were able to be a part of it. Praise God.

2008-09-29T09:37:00.002-07:00

Last night, I was trying to sleep, and I was praying. I've always had some confusion in my heart as to why God brings different children in my life for a time, and then why He takes me away from them. I guess in my heart, I have always been some what jealous and envious of the people and situations where God allows them to be the permanent or long lasting people in the kids lives - where they actually get to be in their lives for more than months - but for years.

Then, God brought to remembrance my namesake. In the bible, people were named after situations. Esau got his name because he was hairy and Jacob got his name because he had his brother's heel. I was named after Hannah, the famous mother of Samuel, who dedicated her child to the Lord when he was an infant, and then proceeded to have five other children who she also bore and raised.

It was this part that God had stick out for me. Then, He showed me, I am only called to be in children's lives for a time, and then I have to rest and dedicate them to Him. These aren't "my" children, I never bore them, and I am not their mom. Yet, I was merely one person in their lives that loved them and tried to teach them about our heavenly Father's love and ways. Now, I simply have to rest.

I told Humberto crying once a while ago, "Son, I have peace. The only way that I can have peace is knowing that when I am not with you, our Father is with you. And with that, I know you are okay and He is watching over you."

Peace in God is one thing. Dedicating the kids over to Him is something else. This is my last step - this is the last step.

Lord, I publicly dedicate these precious children to You. These kids are not ours, they are not theirs, but they are solely Yours! Love them, protect them, comfort them, and teach them like only You can do.

PS. Ben, I cry more than you now. Way more.... :)

2008-09-26T23:06:00.009-07:00

I heard this song on Air1 tonight as I was driving home from my cousins' house. I started crying on the freeway because it just hit me so hard. I cried out to God, asked Him all sorts of questions about things I don't understand.

I know I'm an extreme person. I'm extreme in almost every way, and God knows that. He knows that I am this way internally, and that's why He has to do things like tell me that I am called to be single forever - so He can have all of my attention and so I don't get distracted over stupid stuff. I'm kind of nosey too... so since I know He has all the answers, I kind of bug Him for them. :) I'm sure no one could ever imagine that!

With that said, with Him wanting me to live here, He had to do it in a somewhat painful way. But it's okay, and it's good. I will forever love everyone in Mexico. I miss Bob and Joy and everyone there dearly and daily, but it's not my time to continue things for now. There needs to be a time a part for whatever God has for me next. I don't know what it is, but I am excited because only He knows how to bless me, hurt me, cause me to depend more on Him, and love me completely and fully.

So, here it is. The lyrics are here, and then if you click on song #4 of the playlist below, you can hear it as well. Enjoy. :)

Sanctus Real - Whatever You’re Doing
From the album We Need Each Other

It’s time for healing, time to move on,
it’s time to fix what’s been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong;
it’s time to find my way to where I belong

Chorus:
There’s a wave that’s crashing over me,
and all I can do is surrender
Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but somehow there’s peace

And it’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see,
but I’m giving in to something heavenly
Time for a milestone, time to begin again,
re-evaluate who I really am

Am I doing everything to follow Your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything – I surrender

Chorus:
Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
that I’ve wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but I believe …
You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life, something heavenly

Whatever You’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life Something heavenly, something heavenly

Time to face up, clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

2008-09-15T10:15:00.002-07:00

Well, I'm home.

I left Imuris last night at 6:00, and I got here at 10:30. The border line was only an hour, so it wasn't that bad.

Yesterday went better than planned. I only cried once, and I handled the goodbyes pretty good. I know that I'll get to go there again and see them soon, so that always helps. Yet, it is already different sitting here in the states than being in my home there.

Now that I am officially here, I can tell you guys about the other things that happened while I was there... Those will come later, on different days, when I feel like writing a lot. See, there are certain things that I didn't tell people so they didn't worry or get scared while I was still living there. :)

Now, I just need to find a job, get reconnected with everyone, get financially okay again, and try to deal with culture shock. See, it's weird because, even though I came up here some-what often, I still deal with it. From trying to get used to hot showers, air conditioning, cable, modern conveniences, real world of restaurants and fast food living (which, I don't really want to get accustomed to again), and the waste of money on needless indulgences. Yet, I will do my best, only with help from my wonderful God - to get readjusted without trying to forget the things I've learned from living in Mexico.

Yesterday, as I was looking into one of the boys mouths because he was hurting - I asked him if he had allergies. When he responded with "no, I have no allergies", I reminded him to thank God for all of the blessings he has in his life.

May we remember to do the same.

2008-09-10T23:24:00.003-07:00

Utter confusion....

For months now, every time I go to Nogales, AZ, everyone speaks to me in Spanish. One of my friends asked me once, "How do they know you know Spanish?" Who knows is all I can say...I'm just personally glad when I understand them and when they can understand me.

Yet, what's even weirder is that on Friday, when I went to the border, the guy looked at me long and hard and then asked me, "English or Spanish". I just looked at him and said, "English". Then, today, they had an extra stop, and the police officer just started rambling off in Spanish asking me if I had a license and insurance.

I don't get it. Why do people speak to me in Spanish and then talk to the old white lady behind me in English? What part of me looks Mexican to Americans? Yet, how is it that the people here in Imuris all see me as a white girl?

Any who, God is good, and He's helping me with my Spanish. I'm far from fluent or even at a 3rd grade level, but I'm learning and understanding more everyday. If anyone has any job ideas that will help me utilize my Spanish and grow in my communication, please let me know.

Here's a picture of everyone from Casa Timeteo tonight. We took this picture because they just got this 15 passenger van donated. We're only missing Adela (the house mom), her daughter Isabel, and Bob (who took the picture).

2008-09-09T23:29:00.003-07:00

Well, I'm officially leaving Mexico on Sunday. I have 4 full days left and a 1/2 day. It's a crazy time, and I'm not ready to go (which is why I'm still here). Everyone has known for quite some time that I would be leaving at some point, and I have dragged it on and on, but now it's time. Now, I'm more or less ready. I know I'll cry on Sunday though...for sure.

This week, I am busy trying to pack up the rest of my stuff in my house. I'm leaving quite a bit of stuff down here, but I still have a lot that I am taking back too. I still have to clean it and all of that good and boring stuff. I'm so excited!

My cats are now living at Casa Timeteo. I planned on leaving them outside because I didn't want to burden everyone there with more animals. Yet, when I went later that day with some kids from CT, they insisted on bringing the cats back with us. My stupid, faithful, cute cats. I had put them outside in the morning, hoping someone would take them or that they would run away - yet they didn't. They just sat there on the sidewalk in the shade...waiting for me to return. They're doing pretty well now - they took some time to adjust.

2008-09-01T21:26:00.004-07:00

Quoting one of my favorite movies,The Wedding Planner, here is how Maria's dad explained to her that he had an arranged marriage with her mom.

We couldn't even look at each other.
I was in love with another girl...
and your mother wanted nothing to do with me.
She said I had big eyebrows and a low IQ
Anyway, one day...
I got very sick with scarlet fever...
and she stayed by my side.
She took good care of me.
For the first time...
I appreciated her.
Then the appreciation grew to respect.
Respect grew to like.
Then like grew to love.
A deeper love than I could ever hope for.
I quote this because I love how well it explains the difference
between loving someone and having respect for them.  There is
a HUGE difference.

To me, the most important difference is that we can be forced to
respect someone, but we can not ever be forced to love someone.

I remember hearing a message from a youth pastor as a kid
explaining why everyone isn't saved.  He explained how God never
wanted robots, He wants us to choose to love Him - to choose to live
for Him.  Then he said something that I will never forget and has
stayed with me forever.  He said, "God does not rape us.  Rape is
simply forced love, and He will never force His love on us or force
us to love Him."  Wow.

Pondering on this fact, and the reality of the nature of God, and of
His love, I also think about how others choose to love us.  Sure, their
love of course is from God as well, after all, God is love - but how
beautiful that they choose to love us.

We can never force anyone to like us or love us.  We can force
them to respect them through punishments when necessary or
with other ways, but love can't be forced.  With this, it's beautiful
when people do acts of love for us.  It's great when they respond
to something we ask of them, but it's even more beautiful when
they respond to one of our needs out of their love.

I think it's hilarious when kids will see a zit on my face or upper
back and then they'll pop it for me.  It's gross, yeah, but it's out
of love.

It's beautiful when a kid sees that someone is in pain, and they
choose to give them a foot massage to help make the pain go
away.

Sure, there's tons of ways that people display their love - lots of
times it is simply a hug or kiss, and at other times there are
quirky things, but whatever it is - it's sacrificial - it's intentional -
it's heart-felt, and simply, it's love when they are choosing to
display it.

2008-08-18T13:54:00.002-07:00

Perhaps everything terrible is, in its deepest being, something that needs our love.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

As yesterday came to an end, I realized how true this statement is.

For the past week and a half, a child has entered my life, and for the first time ever, I have struggled to love him. From his overwhelming need of everyone's attention, to his weird screams and yelps, to his sudden poundings on the floor or on his head - he's hard to get used to.

It probably wouldn't be that hard to love him, if it wasn't for the fact that I am "around" him 8 to 12 hours a day, trying and secretly wanting to avoid him - the entire time.

Then, there are moments where I am so tired of fighting - refusing to let evil win, wanting to be more like the angelic example from the only other adult around full time - and I give in.

I think about the church service where the guest speaker tells him to pay attention, reassures him that me and the angel love him, that the other children love him, and that he doesn't need to have attention all the time. When he said these words, I was hoping they were true and I was hoping he saw something in me I wasn't sure even existed.

Then, I go back to reality, my arms getting sore from scratching 2 backs simultaneously, as both children are leaning on me slightly, and this unwanted child comes over in my only unoccupied space as I am sinking into the chair. He puts his head towards mine, and in that moment, I feel I honestly love him, and I kiss the crown of his head. He stood there for a minute, then left satisfied.

2008-08-06T20:37:00.002-07:00

This has been quite a week at the orphanage. It has been full of blessings. I was pretty nervous as it was approaching knowing that Bob and Joy were going to be out of town - especially since it would be my first time in this country without an opportunity to have an interpreter. Yet, it has been surprisingly amazing.

Monday, we got one new boy right as we were finishing eating dinner. Then, last night at 9:00, we got another new boy. Both boys seem to be adjusting well as for right now, and I think they are already starting to fit into the TH family.

Normally, Bob will read from the Bible and do a devotional after dinner every night. Yet, with him gone, we have had to change the normal schedule. The boys have been taking turns reading the bible (during lunch and dinner) - and explaining the passage that they pick to share. It has been so amazing to hear some of them. One of the littlest ones wants to be a pastor and I have to say that he looks at Psalm 1 differently than I have in the past, and I was so blessed. He mentioned that sometimes there are hard times in life, but then when they pass, that is when God gives us lots of good things.

Tonight we had our normal Wednesday night service, but one of the 12 year old boys lead us in worship. He only played two songs on the piano, but he did amazing. He was really nervous, especially because of some of the jokes that another boy said earlier, but he did it. He had asked me earlier if I would buy him some chips if he did it (in front of the other boy that was laughing), and I told him no. Then, I told him later, look, I can buy something you want for everyone here, but I can not buy you something just for yourself. Then I explained, in the bible, it tells us that if we have a reward here on earth, then we don't have it in heaven. Yet, if we don't have our reward here, then we'll be rewarded in heaven. After asking him if he would rather have his reward here from me or waiting until the next world to have it from God, he started thinking and he did not ask me for anything else.

It's amazing to see how some of the kids are growing in their walks with our Lord.

Last night, one of the boys wanted to run to get some air out... So, I ran with him. He kept running faster when we went by the houses with the dogs and then I finally asked him - are you scared of the dogs? He admitted that he was, and then I told him a little something about me. I told him about how I always think of the story of Daniel if I start to get a little scared around the dogs on the streets, and I told him how I think about how God shut the mouths of the lions. Then I said, "then I think, if God can close the mouths of lions"... then he interrupted and said, "then God can close the mouths of dogs". Exactly. God is good, and He really him home in this boy last night, because the second we got back to the house, he had to tell his Tia Adela about it. :)

Thank you Lord for the ability to be used by You. Lord, please continue to open the boys' hearts and ears to hear Your words and to apply them to their lives.

2008-08-04T21:51:00.002-07:00

Growth - It's a beautiful thing.

Thanks to the wonderful grace of God, we are able to grow. It's great to see it in others, and it's great to see it in me.

Here's where I have been growing:

I have been working on being a better example to children.
I think before I tell them stories, and before I make comments about others. (I still make mistakes)
I purposely am not at the house when I know there is a higher chance of a CdE kid visiting me.
I have a sign on my door telling the CdE kids they're not welcome at my house.
Thanks to advice from Bob, I have been learning on how to better punish kids to get the right results (them suffering, not me). :)
I have been acknowledging people when I see them changing and comforting them with words from the Bible and God's heart - not mine.

Here's what I have seen in others:
Boys walking away to deal with their anger instead of getting it out by fighting - and finishing the fight.
Boys making a conscious decision to not defend others and not cause problems.
Boys getting over their anger in a matter of minutes instead of hours - and being obedient!
Boys not being so lazy and actually becoming hard workers.

Now, of course, I still have lots to learn, as do all of them, but that is what life is all about - Learning - to live in the grace and mercy of God and following His wisdom, guidance, and directions with joy, love, and patience with others - and ourselves.

2008-07-26T19:47:00.002-07:00

I just realized that I haven't posted any pictures of the Casa Timeteo kids or family on here... It's partly due to the fact that I don't have a working camera anymore. My niece dropped the camera that I was borrowing from Ben (well, she claims it dropped by itself). You can always go to their website: http://www.tihmin.org if you would like to see some more.

This week, we went to Buen Aventura - a camping place just west of Magdalena de Kino. We just went for one night and two days, but it was a great time. Here is a picture of all of the boys from the orphanage with the house mom and the youngest daughter (Salome) of Bob and Joy.

There was a huge pool there and we all had a great time swimming. We swam most of the time and had a nice time of worship with smores at night. It was such a blessing to be able to be apart of the vacation. The kids all got along really well and it was a blessed and enjoyable time for everyone.

2008-07-21T20:34:00.002-07:00

Even though I have made trips home since I have moved to Mexico, I haven't got to see any of my friends. From holidays, birthdays, parent days, and my cousin coming home from Iraq, my family has consumed me....or shall I say I have been consumed by them.

Yesterday, I actually got to go to Amadeo. It was an emotional drive there, but I held it together. I started to feel the tears getting ready the second I heard Ben singing as I walked up. When I entered, I saw lots of new faces and not a single familiar (it's great how it's been growing). Then I saw Amy. Once I started hugging Amy, the tears started to pour. A lot. Then I saw Madi, Gracie, Abraham, Damiana, and the list goes on. I couldn't stop crying. I tried to sing, but it was hard to even get a couple of words out. Once it was communion time, I was still crying and trying to stop, but the tears continued to pour. Ben said hi to me during the middle of the song and I really wanted just to talk to him and give him a big fat hug. It was great to catch up with people during the break and afterwards. I could totally relate to Robert's message as I am a missionary that has been kicked out of an orphanage. It's the same level of humility that he must have experienced being a pastor that got a 2nd class misdemeanor. It's crazy how you can get so filled with love for something or someone and not see what everything has come to. Fellowship is so important. It helps people constantly keep us in check and tell us what is going on and what we're doing wrong. I am so thankful that I have that now since I was so desperately lacking it before.

I have decided on when I am moving back to the states. It will be sometime in August when school starts. I think this is a good time to move back. I want to continue serving at Casa Timeteo during the summer as there is a lot more work to do. I am starting to pray about one day going to Ecuador. My aunt and uncle want to start an orphanage down there and they want my help in the process. They have been missionaries down there for over 10 years and they have a lot of awesome ministries. The thought of it makes me cry and be excited because it would be hard to say goodbye to the kids and people at CT for a long time without being able to visit. As of right now, my plan is to visit CT a couple weekends a month when I return to the states. Please keep me in your prayers. I love you all.

2008-07-19T13:13:00.002-07:00

I finished reading Tortured for Christ a couple of weeks ago and I've been meaning to blog about it since. I loved this book - not for his amazing writing style, but for how it really got me thinking. Here are some of my favorite quotes:

I have learned from them. As they allowed no place for Jesus in their hearts, I decided I would leave not the smallest place for Satan in mine.

We Made a Deal - We Preached and They Beat

It was strictly forbidden to preach to other prisoners. It was understood that whoever was caught doing this received a severe beating. A number of us decided to pay the price for the privilege of preaching, so we accepted their terms. It was a deal; we preached and they beat us. We were happy preaching. They were happy beating us, so everyone was happy.

The following scene happened more times than I can remember: A brother was preaching to the other prisoners when the guards suddenly burst in, surprising him half way through a phrase.
They hauled him down the corridor to their "beating room". After what seemed an endless beating, they brought him back and threw him - bloody and bruised - on the prison floor. Slowly, he picked up his battered body up, painfully straightened his clothing and said, "Now, brethren, where did I leave off when I was interrupted?" He continued his Gospel message!

Explaining things to Atheists

Their answers to atheists are simple "If you were invited to a feast with all kinds of good meats, would you believe that there has been nobody to cook them? But nature is a banquet prepared for us! You have tomatoes and peaches and apples and milk and honey. Who has prepared all these things for mankind? Nature is blind. If you believe in no God, how can you explain that blind nature succeeded in preparing just the things which we need in such plenitude and variety?

They can prove that eternal life exists. I heard one pleading with an atheist: "Suppose that we could speak with an embryo in his mother's womb and that you would tell him that the embryonic life is only a short one after which follows a real, long life. What would the embryo answer? He would say just what you atheists answer to us, when we speak to you about paradise and hell. He would say that the life in the mother's womb is the only one and that everything else is religious foolishness. But if the embryo could think, he would say to himself, 'Here arms grow on me. I do not need them. I cannot even stretch them. Why do they grow? Probably for a future stage of my existence, in which I will have to work with them. Legs grow, but I have to keep them bent toward my breast. Why do they grow? Probably life in a large world follows, where I will have to walk. Eyes grow, although I am surrounded by perfect darkness and don't need them. Why do I get eyes? Probably a world with light and colors follow.' So, if the embryo would reflect about his own development, he would know about a life outside his mother's womb, without having seen it. It is the same with us. As long as we are young, we have vigor, but no mind to use it aright. When, with the years, we have grown in knowledge and wisdom which we can use no more? Why do arms, legs and eyes grow to an embryo? It is for what follows. So it is with us here. We grow here in experience, knowledge, wisdom for what follows. We are prepared to serve on a higher level which follows death."

2008-07-05T12:31:00.002-07:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July. This was the 2nd time that I didn´t celebrate it in the US. The only other time was when I was in Romania. I can´t even tell you how big of a deal they made of it in Romania. There, the US Embassy puts on a huge fireworks exhibit in the park that is behind the embassy building. This park is probably 2 miles square with lots of rivers and lakes. There were so many people there that it was hard to find room to sit down and claim.

Here, in Mexico, they didn´t do anything, but it was a blessed day.

Yesterday afternoon as I was driving to the orphanage, I saw a couple of the boys rollerblading in the town square. After I picked up my laundry, I went back and we watched them skate around a bit while we all enjoyed some yummy coconut treats. A few of them found themselves some chairs in the bushes or on the sidewalks, but no one got the slightest bit hurt.

Last night, we went to the park. We usually go to the park on Friday nights as long as the weather is good. Most of the time, a local pastor puts on a Christian movie, and one time the kids from TH handed out tracts to everyone in the park. It was really cute.

Last night, I saw some kids that I have met on other Friday nights, and we met a new one as well, Jesus. This little boy is 8 years old and I couldn´t tell if he had CP or William´s Syndrome. He was so cute and friendly. He had the scroniest little legs that had mud streaks running down them. The other kids didn´t want to play beach ball with him because his reactions are a little slow so he couldn´t hit it very good. Yet, he enjoyed it. He asked Sadie and I if we would be there again today. It´s great to meet new people (and kids) and just to love on them.

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Sometimes I forget that I am in Mexico or I will forget about the differences between the two countries. It´s the little things that make it so dramatically different. Here are some examples:

In the states, if they want everyone to know something, they will have commercials, put it on the news, radio, and/or put it in a mail flyer. Here, they don´t do any of those things, they will just have people drive around with intercoms on top of their cars to spread the message. They do this for everything from letting people know there´s a fair in town to telling people to watch their water usage since we´re in a drought.
In the states, there are noise ordinance laws. You have to be quiet after 10. Here, the music and parties usually start at 10...or midnight. It´s great fun, especially when you´re an old fart like me and like to go to bed early.
There are no plumbers, realtors, or advertisers. (The first 2 would really come in handy right now - well, Bob fixed one of my leaks so I´m not really in need of a plumber anymore. Thanks Bob!)

2008-07-01T12:49:00.003-07:00

Lately, I have been having very entertaining and interesting dreams.

Two nights ago, I dreamed that I was going somewhere and so I had to get to the airport. I took my time and said goodbye to everyone at Timothy House, Joy gave me a present which was a bag of books (lots - on two rows in the bag, probably 12 in all), and then I was on my way in my car. Well, I took a wrong turn on the highway and ended up at a mall. I finally got to the top of the building (this mall was a good 5 stories or so), as I was escaping the madness of the inside. Needing to get back to my car, I knew that I had to jump. As I was looking for a safe place to fall, I jumped. Then, I started flying. It wasn´t like the flying I have done in my other dreams, it was more relaxed floating. As I started to slowly get down, I saw the strangest thing. There must have been 15 elderly people in this huge, tall tree (no leaves, just lots of branches). What struck me the most is that they were in all in there to help me get down to my safety. The first one to grab my leg was this really sweet old lady that had a baby in her left arm and grabbed my leg with her right hand. Then, she passed me down to the next elderly person and so on. After I reached safety on the ground, I continued to my car where I saw my dad. He went in his car and I followed in mine. Then, we finally got to the airport where we had different problems because of the ticket and things. That´s pretty much all I remember. I never knew where I was going. It seemed like it was a mission, but I have no idea. Anyway, just thought I would share.

2008-06-27T11:54:00.002-07:00

Our Lord is amazingly wonderful.

He frees us from bondage.
He reveals our innocence and heart.
He redeems us.
He strengthens us.
He gives us endurance to endure our prosecuters.
He gives us perserverance and patience.
He gives us wisdom and understanding.
He gives us grace both for ourselves and others.

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The other day, I made one of the boys cry at Timothy House. A couple of the boys were joking around, and one of the other boys thought I was laughing at him when I was merely laughing at the other boys. I didn´t realize it until I heard him talking to me. He said, "You are no longer my aunt!" and he had a stream of tears running down his cute little cheeks. It broke my heart and it was very hard because I had no idea what I had done at the time. Later on, I was able to apologize to him and explain and of course everything is fine now.

Even though it´s hard to hear what kids say at sometimes, sometimes in their anger they show their true feelings of love. It´s merely a reaction of being hurt and so then they want to hurt in return. See, he wouldn´t have said that if he didn´t actually view me as his aunt in his heart - before or now. It was one of the first times that I actually was able to see that I have touched this precious little boy in some way. He in particular made me doubt my value or level of influence because of his intense love for Bob, Joy, and Adela. When I first started coming, he was always with one of the 3. He adores, loves, appreciates, and cherishes them and time with them. I am so lucky and blessed that he has let me into his world.

2008-06-23T09:40:00.002-07:00

Yesterday was a beautiful day from start to end.

It started with church and a sermon on the fear of the Lord. It´s such an important concept - not just to remember - but to live by. It´s the beginning of wisdom and a way to understand the love of God. Without the fear of the Lord, we can get stuck in a way of sin and just want to be under the grace and mercy of God and forget about His sovereignty. My advice is to not forget about the Old Testament and focus on the New. The Old is important too.

After church, two of the boys left the orphanage with their mom and grandmother. We sent them off with prayer for the entire family and with lots of blessings and love. I got to chat with their mom a little bit during lunch, and come to find out that I am a month and a half older than her. Her sons are 12 and 10 and they are so lovable. I hope and pray that she will appreciate them and their spunkiness, continue their education, and help their faith in our loving Lord continue daily and weekly.

The afternoon was surprisingly relaxing. We watched Spain beat Italy in the soccer game. The final score was 0-0 with a win of 4-2 in penalties. Great game, and I´m not that much of a soccer fan.

The boys were all hanging out together, and we all played cards, soccer, basketball, random games, and just had a good time relaxing and enjoying each other´s company. I also got to know Adela (the house mom) a little bit better and she is such an amazing person.

After dinner, we played 4 on the couch. I haven´t played that since college group days when I was living with Ben and Mandy in our old house. Those were the days. The kids caught on to the game, but it was really hard remembering who had who, and I think that the age group was a little too low and that we had too many people. It was a good time though.

Thank you Lord for the wonderful people that you put in our lives. Sometimes, people leave for a season or for a lifetime, but every person in our life today is a gift for today - a gift for us to appreciate and love and cherish, the same way that we are loved, cherished, and appreciated by our amazing God.

2008-06-21T10:46:00.002-07:00

Summer is officially here... Happy Summer Soltice to everyone.

It has been so hot here lately, and I know it´s going to get worse. It is to the point where one day I took 3 showers just so I could cool off. I can guarantee you that I am not turning on my broiler for any need of hot water - it´s just not the same when you don´t have an air-conditioned house to walk into. At times, I have to even add cold water because the sun boils the water for me. The other day, I actually started sweating in my kitchen from washing 2 dishes - that´s right, just two. Pretty gross. So, do me the favor, you can visit, but don´t think you´d be coming out of the heat just to come to the mountains where I am (as my dad´s pastor thought). :)

There have been so many graduations this week. I only went to the one of the school where I taught. It was perfect- 21 graduates (1 didn´t come) and it only lasted an hour. They had a dance afterwards (it started at 9) and I decided not to go. It´s just that I don´t like dancing, I don´t have a person to bring with me, and I like to go to bed around that time, not start eating dinner and partying all night. hehe

I hope you are all doing well. Be blessed. I have been so blessed lately. God is good. Never forget that we are His kids too, so He is cherishes time with us.

2008-06-13T11:48:00.002-07:00

The school year is over. I turned in my final grades yesterday, and so now I am just waiting for the graduation on the 19th. I came into the school with almost all of the kids not knowing any English. For the senior class, it seemed impossible to teach them due to where they were at. They were no where close to where they should have been due to their books. But we persevered, and they learned.

It is always humorous to see how some of them write. They know how to speak it, but when they write it, they just try to sound it out the best they can.... Here´s some examples from one of my students:

Mexico ir werijuf. (Mexico is very good.)
Wat abouted pizza. (What about the pizza?)

The kids at Timothy House are learning English as well. We´re to the point to where they are starting to learn pronouns and verbs. This is harder to learn, but hopefully they will all start to catch on more. The ones that really want to learn are, but there are some others that are just trying to go through their work quickly. Yet, they are all learning quite a bit.

I think one of the most beautiful things about kids that Jesus loves so much and that He wants us to all be like is their honesty. Yes, kids do lie at times, but at other times, they are brutally honest. Last Sunday, the neighbor boy told me that I had a moustache and asked me why I didn´t shave it or wax it off. One of the other younger boys confirmed it and I just laughed. I have been looking in the mirror looking for it, and I don´t see a serious issue, but if you do - please tell me.

Also, the other night when we went to the park, I got a bruise on my knee from going down the firefighter pole. One of the boys didn´t believe me that it was a bruise and he kept insisting that I painted my knee. The bruise is finally going away now (it´s been a week), but it´s so funny that he wouldn´t believe me. I tried explaining to him how sometimes bruises look different on white people than Mexicans. Yet, he just wasn´t going to buy it.

Kids are cute and fun.

2008-06-09T10:36:00.002-07:00

I´ll try not to jump everywhere on this post, but sometimes, I just can´t help myself because I´m a little random.

I love my house. I love the fact that I will come home at night and sometimes there are people waiting to come in because I haven´t checked my e-mail to see that they´re on their way. I love the fact that I have had someone stay at my house for the past 2 weeks almost every single day. At the same time, I am happy to have a break. It´s been fun with everyone, but I also like some me time... I got really used to living by myself.

With all of this, I am going to be looking for an apartment to rent from here soon just so I can have a place to stay when I come in town to visit. Plus, I love this town, I have to have something here.

Here´s some reasons why I love this town... and all the characters in it:

Where else can I drive down the road behind a truck with 2 guys standing in the back... seeing the wind fly up the back of their shirts and be so thankful that they aren´t plumbers?

Where else can I see little kids walking down the streets going to the stores by themselves at ages 3 or 5?

Where else can I start hearing music at 11:00 at night on Monday because it just sounds like a great time to get together with friends?

Where else can I just randomly be invited to a baby shower the next day?

Where else can I go to the park on a Friday night and watch a movie, play ultimate frisbee with random kids that want to join in, meet little girls from AZ (just AZ, there´s no city there), and bruise up your knee because I forgot how to go down a firefighter pole slowly.

Where else do I have to turn on a light switch to have water? Especially after you yourself just finish going to the bathroom and get a surprise visit from a father and daughter where the daughter has to use the bathroom?

Where else can my neighbors misinterpret my niece to ask their moms if they can bathe (not swim) at my house? Yet, after everything was cleared up, I watched 3 little girls play with barbies in a 4 foot across, 1 foot deep circular $4 pool. They had the time of their lives in that thing.

In all seriousness... I love this town. I love the random characters. I love the people that make it interesting. I love all of the holidays to celebrate and the culture that it holds. I love the randomness, and I love the surprises that always come my way.

Note to ponder from yesterday´s sermon: You can have every intention of being obedient, but it isn´t until you purpose in your heart like Daniel, that you will be free of contamination, disobedience, and failure.

2008-05-30T10:21:00.002-07:00

Lately I have been so blessed to see so much beauty. I´m not talking about Hollywood type beauty, I´m talking about real-life, beautiful acts from beautiful people beauty.

Here´s what I mean...

On Sunday, we were all just sitting around watching a movie when Jorge started to massage the top of Claudia´s feet (she kept her ballerina style shoes on), and he must have done it for a good 20 minutes or so. Then, after he was done, he finished by kissing both of her feet. Not even 5 minutes passed by when he started giving Alexis a back massage. This little 10 year-old boy is already learning how to be like Jesus. It´s the small things that matter and make such a big impression on other people´s hearts.

Yesterday, I went with Chloe and Claudia to visit someone in a nearby city. They really weren´t too excited to go, but they decided to go to be there for their friend and support her. I could tell they were uncomfortable the entire time, but they were very polite. Claudia tried everything that was given to her and ate even when she didn´t like it. I was so proud as to how the two of them handled themselves. It is when we love people that are extremely different than us and that we might not be able to understand when they can see the love of God shine through us.

I have really been enjoying getting to know Bob and Joy and their family more. I don´t know why it amazes me so much to see Joy sitting and reading a book with one of the boys or playing a memory game with them, or even just giving them back or neck massages. I also don´t know why it is so wonderful to witness Bob giving the boys hugs (and even kisses at times) or even just how he shares devotions and the word of God with them daily. This is beauty. This is what life is all about.

Here, on this earth, the point of life is to bring people to Christ. It´s to make an impact on other little lives that our heavenly Father loves so much. It´s to direct them to God. As one of the other refuge places for children puts it, the most important rule is to live your life by respecting God. Yes, this may be their first rule, but it´s the same as the first commandment in both the Old and New Testaments. If we live our life trying to respect God, we will be beautiful, because it´s His love and beauty that will be shining through us.

2008-05-21T12:02:00.003-07:00

God is true to His word. When you ask, you shall receive, and it is true.

I have been asking God to show me what He wants me to do with Humberto and if he is supposed to be in my life or not and if I was called to be his mom. I have received some good advice (which was a no), but I wanted God to confirm it. I also asked Him to show me whatever wickedness is within me, and He showed me that too! God is good. Here´s what I have been learning:

- No, I am not called to be Humberto´s mom. I am not strong enough by myself to parent. I need someone else to balance me out and to see when I am harmful to a kid and not helping him. (It´s always so much easier to see the dysfunctional aspects of others.)

- Oscar and Lorenzo came to the house today and said that Humberto wanted 3 yogurts and 3 juices. I told them no, that I am not able to give him anything. Oscar said, "We can just say that they are from me" (this is what we just did on Saturday!). See the wickedness! Then, I said, "No, I am not going to take part in you or Humberto needing to say lies just so he can have some things. Lying is wrong and bad and it´s not right, so we need to stop. We can not do things that we would have to lie about later." Oscar understood and I am sure that Humberto will be mad at me, but I don´t care anymore. I have learned that if Humberto only wanted me in his life to buy him things, then I shouldn´t be in his life. If there´s ever a time where Manuel and Gaby allow me into his life, then that is fine, but for right now, I am content and realize that I should not be in his life due to the bad choices I have made. He´s very manipulative and it´s hard to realize when he´s doing it and for those reasons, I am not strong enough right now to be in his life and be a good influence for him. I love him, that will never change, but this is how I can love him. Manuel and Gaby were very wise when they told me that I could help by not coming back. It hurt at the time, but now I can honestly see how right they were.

Other updates....

Last Thursday was the day of the teacher, so we had a party at my school and then there was a party for all the teachers in the town hall. Both were good experiences and it´s great to be able to eat some good Mexican food and enjoy the company of my "colleagues"...haha. Friday was a day off and I have this Friday off too because it´s the Day of the Sturdents.

I am teaching English at the other orphanage most days during the week. It has been a good and healthy experience for me. I have been so blessed by the family that owns it, the lady that is on staff, and all of the kids there. It´s great to be able to have a healthy balance of time there and time away. I was at CdE way too much which caused problems and even made me have the rational of a child. Yet, now, the kids have to respect me as a some-what authority figure, and for that, it calls me to live a life with more integrity and worthy of respect. It makes me think a lot more before I speak or act. I know I have made some mistakes already (like when I was jumping over the bushes with the kids in the town square and playing tag around the band stage), but I will learn and I will get better and become a better example. God is working a lot in me right now, and I am doing good. It feels great to feel like I have a clean slate and to know and be able to see God working in my life.

2008-05-19T11:30:00.002-07:00

Saturday one of the boys from the orphanage came to my house with one of his friends and I told him that I am not allowed to take them to their soccer games anymore. A little while later, Oscar (grandson of Nana Angelina) and Lorenzo (Elsa´s son) came over before their games and I got to chat with them a bit and I took them to the soccer field.

For the most part, I do fine. It´s been over 2 weeks since I have seen Humberto and it´s been 12 days since I have written him a letter. It´s hard, and sometimes I break down and cry because it´s not easy to go through this. Yet, I am following the rules and I am doing my best to understand and move on.

Yet, God knows this, and He knows me, and I was really encouraged by reading verses 23 and 24 out of Psalm 139 on Saturday:

Search me, O God, and know my heart (and hurts);
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

Lately, I have been reminded of how much God knows about everything that is going on in our lives. He sees our every move, He knows our every thought, and nothing is hidden from Him. At times, it causes anxiousness, but at other times, it really is comforting to know how much He cares and loves us. I am so thankful to have my Jesus be the Lord of my heart and my life.

2008-05-12T11:05:00.002-07:00

Mother´s Day

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother´s Day - whether or not you were celebrated or you celebrated your mom, wife, step-mom, or all of the above.

I feel like my Mother´s Day was four days long. It was good though.

Last Thursday, we started making the gifts for the moms at the high school I work at. See, every school in Mexico throws their own party for the moms of the students in the school. It´s a huge deal, and it´s great how much effort everyone puts into it. Also, on Thursday, I got my "good-bye" letter from the boy I used to sponsor. In it he closed with "Thank you for your attention and being my sponsor. You were a good mother. I love you." Now for those of you that have been blessed to know him, you know he´s not really one that expresses himself too much in this way, so it means that much more. It was also great to see how much he has processed and accepted the changes that have come into our lives. Whoever sponsors him now will be blessed by him as I have been.

Friday, we spent the day cleaning the school for the party. This made the 2nd day in a row without any real classes... Got to love it! Then, on Friday night, we had the party. About 40 of the 53 parents showed up, so we had a great turn out. I participated in a skit about how I was a lazy and worry-free mom who´s daughter was pregnant and my husband was very strict. I never act, but I did because they never take no for an answer. The moms loved it, they were laughing the entire time. Then, 2 acts later, I was a clown. Yep, me a clown.... and we had to dance and we had 3 moms play musical chairs... After that, we went to the Town Hall to perform as clowns in front of 300 people. Now, I was originally told when I agreed to go to the town hall that we would be doing the skit. Doing a 3 minute skit isn´t that big of deal, but we ended out being clowns for 30 minutes... Yes, that´s right, 30 minutes. I told them I don´t sing or dance, but you guessed it, we danced again. I was completely out of my element and being stretched like no other, but there was nothing I could do about it... I was forced to do it. My sister made the comment of how much I have changed from the shy kid that I was. Oh no, I haven´t changed, I am still shy, I just suck it up and get whatever I need to do over with.

Saturday, I went to the US to surprise my mom for Mother´s Day. My dad and mom´s jaws dropped when I walked in the door. They thought I would be going up the following weekend but I changed my mind. It was great to see them.

Then, Sunday, I worked for my mom in the nursery at her church. We went to my grandma´s afterwards and then went to dinner together at night. It was a great day celebrating my mom, grandma, and sister and their motherhood. Even though I am not a mother, it is great to celebrate others and to see their beauty and influence in the lives of their children. May all the women we know by the beautiful influence and example that God created them to be for their children.

2008-05-09T12:31:00.004-07:00

If anyone has ever thought that I was innocent in how I got asked not to return to CdE, think again. To clear up any misinterpretation, here are the reasons why I deserved it:

I brought the boy I sponsor lots of food on the premises and nearly everyday. It was everything from yogurts, bananas, drinks, tacos, hamburgers and fries, candy, sandwiches, chips.... you get the picture.
I gave him things that he was not allowed to have (air soft guns, lighters).
I brought him things to help them make a bomb from soda cans (hairspray and lighter).
In the beginning, I shared with the kids problems I had with some of the staff (not the main leaders) to try to help them understand it´s not just them. In Febuary, I learned my lesson and I started to try to explain to them that respecting and helping the leaders will only help them have favor and have an easier life (plus, it´s what is right).
I corrected the kids when they misspelled words that they really didn´t need to know and gave them the meaning.
I allowed kids at the house when I knew they didn´t have permission.

Here´s what I have done now that I realize and can see all the things I have done. I will not make these mistakes ever again. I have learned my lesson, and am repentant - not just forgiven. I have turned the other way and started to walk in it.

I do not bring the girls to Grimac anymore. I´m not allowed to have contact with them outside of school, and so I can not do that.
I am no longer going to write the boy I sponsored letters or see him. I wrote him a good bye letter if you will just so that he would understand the new rules that we need to follow. It will be hard, but it´s what we need to do. We are strong people and we can and will do it.
The others will not be an issue at the new place that I am serving.

Please know that I am sure this was not an easy decision for the leaders to make, but it was a right decision. I can see it now, and I have been deserving of this for a while. I can change and I wish I could show them that, but I understand and respect their decision.

On a lighter note... Today we are celebrating Mother´s Day at the high school I teach at. I have to dress up in 2 different costumes and be a part of 2 different skits... We´re even doing one of them in the town square. I´m really nervous and I don´t really want to do it. Pray for me please.

2008-05-05T11:47:00.004-07:00

When some doors close, others open.

I received a letter today explaining that I can not go back to CdE - ever. I´m not the only one getting kicked off. The people that are getting kicked off are people that have been helping out with the orphanage for 5 and 7 years. People that the kids love and adore and more importantly, that the kids know love and adore them. I am astonished by it, but it´s okay. My God prepared me for it.

This weekend I went to another orphanage in town. It is ran by a couple from Indiana that moved here 5 years ago. I love their family. I had a wonderful time getting to know their 11 boys (ranging in ages from 8-13) and helping them play their recorders. On Sunday, I went to their church service, had lunch, and then helped teach them recorders for 6 hours straight. I literally didn´t move from my spot on the couch. One of the boys was worried that I was going to get dehydrated, so he brought me some water and made me drink it right then. Last night, there was a Christian concert and message in the town square. We took the kids there and I was in charge of the neighbor that basically lives at the orphanage. It was so awesome to be able worship with the people of the town and to see a skit about the girl "that was just sleeping" that Jesus raised from the dead because of the faith of her parents.

These kids are already asking me when they can see me again. I talked to the leaders and they want me to start helping with English, Math, and possibly music. Me, help teach music, how funny is that? Yet, I´m learning quickly and when it´s something as easy as the recorder, yes, even I can help with it. So, I am waiting to hear about the times that I can go and help out. I am excited for this new door that is opening.

Pray for the kids that they will be able to understand and that they will be comforted. They are who I feel for, not me.

2008-05-02T17:24:00.003-07:00

Wednesday was Children´s Day (or The Day of the Kid). It was a great day. A gift of heaven really.

I decided to give the kids at Grimac a "Free Class". Even though they are not kids - they´re teenagers - they still deserve the right to have a day off.

My day continued to when I was able to see all of the kids from the junior high at the orphange (except Jesus) outside of the store next to my house. It was so cute because one of the girls yelled "line" and they all got in a line to give me a hug and a kiss. A few stayed back to talk for a few minutes before they had to rush to catch up with their teacher and the rest of the class.

Since I knew I wouldn´t be able to see the kids, I wrote 8 of them letters reminding them how important their lives are and how God has made them perfectly and wonderfully. This is something that they need to know as one of them was actually "thrown away" at age seven by her mother (if she deserves that title).

One of the kids from the high school I teach at keeps on inviting me to all sorts of places (the hypmotist circus, his mom´s fashion show) and reminding me how he doesn´t want me to leave. I have to say, I love this town, more than just the orphanage, and I love being yelled at by my students anytime I go anywhere... They do hold dear places in my heart and it seems that even though I quit youth ministry back in 2006, it never quite leaves me. Nor, would I ever want it to.

2008-04-28T17:39:00.001-07:00

Commercial from Mexico

http://www. youtube. com/watch?v=G3b0ElUv8eg

Follow the link. It´s worth it. Trust me.

2008-04-25T23:37:00.003-07:00

I'm sure some people think that I'm extra lonely just because I can't go to the orphanage everyday. Others (or some of the same) probably think I'm hiding out here, not wanting to accept the reality of life, and that I'm trying to be stubborn so I can have my own way.

Well, here's the truth.

Almost everyday, I take the girls to Grimac. Sometimes, they stay in the car so they can spend some one-on-one time with me and tell me about their problems. When I'm teaching, the students always talk to me during the breaks. Just the other day, one girl came into the other classroom just to bring me into theirs. After school, I often give the kids rides home - including ones that don't live at the orphanage and live 2-3 miles away.

I have also started teaching English to a couple of the other teachers at my high school. It's good to talk about our problem students and chat with them a bit.

I frequent the Internet Cafe like it's going out of style. It's owned and worked by the same people who have a laundromat next door, so when they are in the laundromat, people always ask me for help, how to print, and whether or not there are pencils for sale. During the off time, I talk with Moncoyo (?) about life and even about our faith. Even though he's not a "Christian" or "Catholic", I appreciate his honesty of where he's at and especially how he says "Thanks be to God" after every time he says he's doing good. Besides getting hit on by him (almost every time I frequent), he's a good (adult) friend. I also like going so I can keep up with everyone else at home. (If you get a short e-mail - it's cuz he won't shut up and it's too hard to read in English while I'm listening and talking in Spanish.)

In the beginning, I came here for the orphanage. During my time here, I realized there's a lot of other people that are needy too. The kids in town asked how often I would return to visit when I wanted to run away from my problems and go to AZ immediately after the decision was made. But, after fluke circumstances, I stayed. I have been able to saturate myself in the word of God, saturate Jesus in prayer, and allow myself to be re-taught the realities of life and how I need to be. Now, part of this is credited to good authors like Donald Miller (Blue Like Jazz), John and Stasi Elderedge (Captivating) and now Jim Palmer (Divine Nobodies). Yet, it's more been by God Himself.

God is good and He is working in my life. I'm still making mistakes but I will learn the lessons - eventually. Yes, I am stubborn, but I want to make sure that I am not running from my problems, but that I am facing them head on - allowing myself to be punished and have a retreat with God that I so desperately needed. Then, if and when God tells me to return, I will go. But, for right now, I will just try to love on the people and animals (see how I've changed) that He has in my life here and now.

2008-04-22T17:57:00.002-07:00

Update....

I went to the orphanage this weekend. It was great to see Patty, Shannon, and Anthony. Saturday, I woke up at 6:20... same as everyday. Usually, I pray for Humberto for 20 minutes before he starts school and wakes up (which is 6:40 for both - he´s a boy, and he doesn´t really get ready). Yet, on Saturday, I started praying and getting ready knowing that I got to go to the orphanage really soon. Well, no more than 15 minutes later, Humberto, Guada, Juan Carlos, and Bob came to the house. Humberto and Bob actually got permission to play soccer! Praise God for this extra special surprise and present! Oh, and they brought us flowers - so amazingly sweet. They´re still in my kitchen nearing the end of their life.

The boys ate breakfast at the house, all lost their games in soccer, ate lunch at the house like crazy fools, devoured the mango ice cream (amazingly good), and then we headed over to CdE.

I can´t even express to you the emotions I had as I entered the property. I was so blessed, the kids were so excited to see me - as I was them. They all heard about how I wasn´t Humberto´s sponsor anymore and asked me if I was going to sponsor anyone else. Both Humberto and I told them that we are family and that it doesn´t matter if I am technically his sponsor or not because he is mine for life. It was really cute to hear him say that we´re family to the kids. He actually told me he loved me both days... in English of course so the other kids can´t overhear and understrand. His English is getting really good. He was talking in it alot this weekend.

Seeing all of the different kids was too much to handle. I was fearful to enjoy it too much and run up to all of them and give them hugs and kisses - I did to some, don´t get me wrong. Yet, there´s a part of me that was scared to enjoy it too much in case they were going to take Humberto away from me and then tell me that there´s no reason for me to be on the property again... I was just too stressed out and straight out scared that I would never be able to come back. At this point, I never know exactly what they are thinking to be completely at peace. I have peace in God, but not in man... and reading a lot in the old testament... (I´m now in 1 Chronicles), I know how much people can be disobedient. I also know from experience unfortunately.

Anyway, on Sunday, I had a meeting with Gabby (Manuel´s wife). I asked for another opportunity to show them how much I respect them and that I have the ability to follow the rules. She said that the board has to decide if I can go there everyday (even just for an hour or two) and if I can still be Jesus´s sponsor. So, pray for the board. I am very happy with how our meeting went, she thanked for me understanding and I think we´re both on the same page now. Praise the Lord.

2008-04-14T11:15:00.002-07:00

I´ve had a lot of time to read lately, so I have been enjoying reading the peneteuch... I just finished Joshua this morning, so I will start Judges this afternoon. :)

Anywho.... Here´s some "have you ever wondered" questions for you:

Why did God have them count all the people in the tribes... not just once but twice? (Afterall, he knows the number of hairs on our heads)
Why did God have them blow the trumpets in Numbers 10:9 "so he would remember them"? He was even hovering over them in a cloud by day and fire by night during this time... God was in their presence.
God has a sense of humor...and a funny sense of anger... Did you ever notice the verse where God says "and you shall eat meat until it comes out of your nostrils" (Numbers 11:20)

This is why I now understand why the Pharisees were the way they were....

If you got spit on by your father, then you had to spend 7 days outside of camp because you were considered unclean.
Someone was stoned to death for picking up sticks on the Sabbath (Num. 16:32-35)
Miriam got leprosy for talking crap. (Num. 12)
People were killed for complaining, lighting fires (Lev. 10), and getting too close to the mountain.

One more thing... Have you ever noticed Deut. 21:10-14?

10“When you go out to war against your enemies, and the LORD your God delivers them into your hand, and you take them captive, 11 and you see among the captives a beautiful woman, and desire her and would take her for your wife, 12 then you shall bring her home to your house, and she shall shave her head and trim her nails. 13 She shall put off the clothes of her captivity, remain in your house, and mourn her father and her mother a full month; after that you may go in to her and be her husband, and she shall be your wife. 14 And it shall be, if you have no delight in her, then you shall set her free, but you certainly shall not sell her for money; you shall not treat her brutally, because you have humbled her.

Hmmm... Is this where the Amish get bed courting? Never heard of it... check it out here... http://www.amishabuse.com/chapter4pg1.htm Nah, the Amish got it from the story of Ruth with Boaz...

Thank you Lord for making me in this time, after the cross, in the days of Your amazing grace. I know that I would have been consumed very quickly if I lived back then.

2008-04-07T17:31:00.002-07:00

The beauty of journaling, with vulnerability, solidarity, and freedom. It´s so different to journal on paper than on a blog - open for the whole world to see and read, and judge - if they so desire.

I sit here in my "sala" hearing the wind blow strongly through the trees, birds chirping their songs loudly - almost competing with one another, cars driving by, and people talking in the distance. As I write with my blistered hands from picking weeds, sweeping, mopping, and stirring cement and mortar in the days past... I think of how I long to see my kids. I wish I could see them as they worship God. I dream of hearing why they are thankful today. I worry in wonder that my boy might be missing out on a lesson due to distractions, fear, pride, and anger. I stand in awe of a God that withholds so much Beauty, that still is able to break my leg and carry me on His shoulders when I started to go astray. I didn´t see it at first. I knew that I was breaking some rules - even if they were unsaid - but I wasn´t sure if I agreed with them in order to follow them.

I wasn´t the only person that didn´t understand - no one did. Nana Angelica, Yanez, Iliana (the new psychologist), Ana maria... more than them, the kids. Not a single kid understood. Some had so much anger they told me to buy a gun and kill them all. As if that wasn´t gory enough, they added that I could drag their bodies away in my car.

Yet, the leaders knew. The ones that God chose to be the leaders, they knew.

They might not have been right about everything, but they knew that God had to do work in me by myself while I spend time alone and with Him.

After reading the chapter on money in Blue Like Jazz, I was reminded that I needed to tithe. I have to say it is much easier to tithe when you get a paycheck every two weeks or two times a month. It´s much harder when you´re living off support and it comes in by the 100´s. Yet, I can be just like Don´s friend that puts his tithes in a jar and then gives it to the church when he goes. I don´t know why it seems stupid to give $10 today, $24 another day, and so on. I just know it does.

I have learned that even though I long to be a mom and to have my son live under my roof - with my rules, there are lots of other children that are longing for me. One girl, Alicia, wrote me a heart-wrenching letter of how she doesn´t know why they took her best friend away and how her heart left with me. Another, Marlin, who is a jr. in high school, spoke in reassurance that I need more time with the other kids and less with my son. She has been asking me if I can be her partner in class and has been longing for more time.

I am reminded how God is with me. He gives us gifts in His time, and in the same way, we must give gifts in His time as well - even if they are just peach yogurt or bananas. As Ecclessiastes 3 is so overly quoted, its truth still rings loudly - to everything there is a time, to everything a season.

May God continue to ring His truth loudly in my heart, my life (and yours) and may it be a beauty for the world to see.

2008-04-04T18:22:00.002-07:00

Update....It´s been a while!

1) I cancelled my CdE blogger sites because someone got a little bit upset about it... I don´t want to fight, so I just got rid of it. It´s a sad sad thing.

2) Teaching in town is growing to be a more interesting experience every week. This week was our first week back after a 2 week spring break, and it was really good. I really do love and care for these kids.

3) I am currently in a punishment mode from the orphanage. I was bringing the boy I sponsor too much food and things. I also hug and kiss all of the kids too much. Apparently, there´s a time limit to how long you should hug a kid...

I haven´t been allowed on the property since Sunday. They were going to allow me back yesterday, but Humberto tried running away the day before. The found him - thank you Jesus! Yet, now he´s being punished by me not being allowed on the property. This should have shown them how much he needs his madre! Oh well, I´m just helping out with the off site work project so I can still spend time with some of the kiddos and help out. I should be allowed back on the property soon. This punishment period is good for a variety of reasons - it helps me be a better steward of my money, it helps him realize that we have to follow the rules, it teaches us patience to when we can be mother and son.

I am almost done reading Blue Like Jazz. I only have 2 more chapters and it has been amazing. Last night I read 3 chapters about being a good steward with money, love, and fellowship. I am always sad when I start to get to the end of a good book... Sometimes I just never want them to end. I am excited to read the new book by Shane Claiborne though that Keith was talking about. I love his writing and perspective.

Oh, one more thing. I am praying about moving back to the states in June after school is out... Okay, maybe July. I want to adopt the boy I sponsor and so there´s a lot of stuff that I would need to do in the states that I couldn´t do here. Pray that the Lord will guide me as this is a big change.

Oh, and my cough is gone... like gone gone. I have some allergies, but that should be expected living in a dust filled city. :)

2008-03-15T10:39:00.002-07:00

Quick update.....

I have 5 minutes before I have to leave the internet cafe, go pick up Adrian from the football game, and get back to the orphanage before 11. Jesus and I are here because he wanted to play games on the internet. :)

Did I mention how much fun it is just to do normal things with him like this by ourselves? We don´t get to do it that much.

Prayer requests:

Wisdom what to do about my car. I am thinking and praying about selling it since it is so expensive. I don´t really need it and it would eliminate a lot of financial stress since I´m living off of support.

Financial support. Without my car, I am close to what I need to be fully supported but I need to still try to find a little bit more support.

Blessing and provision and guidance for the adoption. I need to pursue it but I would like to find seperate financial support for this because I´m not going to use the money from the others for this. I don´t want to go into detail about it but I need God to be with me and prepare everyone along the way.

Continual blessings and wisdom for the staff at the orphange. Right now, we´re getting along good. Pray that this will continue.

Okay, me a voy. Love you guys lots and thank you for any prayers. Oh, and pray for my cough. The amoxocillin is helping, but it´s still annoying. Thanks loves!

2008-02-11T15:52:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends and Family,

I am writing this letter to you humbly and with great need ~ actually without any need. See, I have a God that is able to abundantly supply all of my needs, and He is the only one that can truly help me.

What has been going on?

In January, I moved to Imuris, Sonora. I moved with the thought and plan that I would be able to continue to work for Insight. After my computer box getting wet from a hole in my shower and from it taking over 2 weeks to get internet installed in my home – I lost my job.

During the two weeks of “vacation” from Insight, I started 2 other jobs here in Mexico.
The first one is being an English teacher at the junior high on the orphanage property. There’s only 2 boys in the class that don’t live onsite (their parents work here). I love this class because I know them all so well so it’s more like home schooling for me.

The second job is at the local high school in town – again I’m teaching English. This one isn’t quite as fun – especially the junior group. The first day was okay, but after that, I can’t even tell you how much was thrown at me while I was writing on the white board – everything from gum to paper wads to pens and pencils. They’re getting a little better now, but there’s still a lot of work to do.

Why teach English?

If anyone wants to go to a Mexican University, they have to be fluent in English. With their application, they have to take an English test and pass with a 7 (a C). In their universities, they have classes completely in English. These kids’ lives are important to me, and I want to help them succeed.

With this, I am teaching 4 different classes 3 times a week – That’s only 12 hours of “work”. Do I get paid? Sure, but it’s less than I made as a hostess at CoCo’s when I was 16.

What about my family?

Yes, I have a wonderful family back home in the states, but I also have an amazing family here as well. Three days ago, my boy, Jesus Humberto Bonilla Miranda (you know, the one I have sponsored for the past year and a half), told me his whole life story. It’s the first time he’s ever told me about his situation and why he’s here. I’m not going to get into it because it’s “his life” and “his story”, but I will tell you how it ended. It ended with me calling him “mijo” (my son) and telling him that I would fight to get custody of him.

Tomorrow, I am going to Cajeme to ask for temporary custody. He’s 14, he’s a little bratty at times and he gets cranky and somewhat mean when he’s tired. He hates doing his homework, but he’s amazing. More than that, he’s my son.

Half of the time we’re like mother and son and the other half we’re like brother and sister. We have 2 games that we play a lot. One of the games is where we slap each other’s face until someone says to stop. The other game is called “cochino” which means nasty or pig. We give each other a pig nose, and we see who can give it to the other the longest. Both of these games are like mercy to where the winner is the one that doesn’t call quits.

That’s my son, but there are more people in my family as well.

Adrian is 16 and he’s my little brother. I love him a lot and he is always helping me with Jesus and other other family member, Guadalupe (he’s 12). I am always amused at the stuff that we all do together – from drawing in the dirt to basketball, soccer, reading, playing 21, to helping each other in the kitchen and washing dishes , and even changing and bathing Mikey (he’s 2). Mikey’s first word was Ana (my name) and he will sometimes call me mom. I’ve been trying to get him to stop, but he still does it from time to time. He also gets a little feisty when he has to share my attention with anyone.

Shane Claiborne puts it beautifully in his book, The Irresistible Revolution: living as an ordinary radical:

It’s a beautiful thing when folks in poverty are no longer just a missions project but become genuine friends and family with whom we laugh, cry, dream, and struggle… Servanthood is a fine place to begin, but gradually we move toward mutual love, genuine relationships.

This is what I have with these boys. This is what I have with the other 87 kids here as well. They are all my family, and there are a lot more that consider me their mother, their sister, and their friend.

What do I do in my free time?

One of the kids here asked me that same question and I just said, “I come here”. See, I don’t really have any free time. I don’t want any. They told me that all “non staff” visitors have to leave at 6 p.m. because they have to lock the gate. Well, I said, “What about if I walk home. Can I stay until 8?” After some arguing, they agreed.

Here’s a sample day of mine:

I get up and get to the orphanage by 7:20. I take the teens to their high school in town. I go home, eat and get ready for the day. Then, I teach and go to the orphanage to be u have no idea how much they with the kids. While I’m there, I help kids write their sponsors in English, help Crisel learn how to read and write (she’s 16), help in the kitchen, watch kids while they do their tricks (you have no idea how much they enjoy someone ‘paying attention’ to them), talk kids out of running away, help them with their homework, play games, break up fights, comfort those that are hurting, play nurse, and just sit. Sometimes when we’re watching movies I will have one or two kids on my lap, another on my shoulders, and two on my sides.

They need love, and sometimes physical. These are all things that I do until I get kicked out, go home, rest, do my chores, and get ready for the next day.

Mother Theresa once said, “Following Jesus is simple, but not easy. Love until it hurts, and then love more.”

What about now?

So, here I am. At times, I still don’t feel like I spend enough time with the kids. There are always times where some will say “Can you spend time with me today?”. “Of course” I always say.

My money from Insight is starting to run dry. Of course, I will get my tax return, but that’s about all I have. I could try to get a job in Nogales, but the commute alone would take away two hours from the kiddos. I don’t have any worries that all of my needs will be met. I’m not living in super deluxe conditions. I know a lot of people don’t think of Mexico as a “suffering” place, and neither do I. But, I will say this. As you take a hot shower in your heated house, thank God. Praise him that you don’t have to go outside, turn on your gas, light the broiler, open up the water pipe, and then wait 30 minutes. It actually not a big deal, I have gotten used to it. It’s just a part of life. For the first few weeks, I didn’t even have this option. I took ice cold showers. It reminded me of Romania (who cleans their pipes every summer so there’s never hot water). Yet, it is definitely harder to take cold showers in the winter. I ended up making my own lines to the popular worship song “I’m trading my sorrows”. It’s “I’ll praise you when I’m warm and when I’m cold.”

Any way, back to what I was talking about. If you would like to be an instrument of how God provides for me, to allow me to have more time with them, you can do one of the following things. You can deposit money directly into my Bank of America account (272863629) or you can send a check to my dad: William Whisnant 2644 S. Reyes Mesa, AZ 85202. I was going to get a PO box in Nogales, but that costs $100 a year and I would be forced to go there more often. I also started thinking… How much more faith will my parents have when they see how God provides through people? Don’t get me wrong, they have faith – they are just used to being the ones that God uses to provide for me. Feel free to pray and/or give one time, monthly, or as you feel lead.

I know I will be fine. But more than just giving, try to come. See for yourself. Meet the kids.
Mother Theresa once said, “God takes care of the lilies and the sparrows, and God will take care of you. Just come.”

God bless,
Hannah Whisnant
Hannah.whisnant@gmail.com
480-280-3973

2008-01-14T11:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm going to try to give a quick update of the past week:

I have been living onsite which has been really fun. Lots of times, they will come in and eat with me. It's also been really nice being able to provide them with food when it has the things they despise in it. No one ate breakfast this morning as it had green beans in it....so sick. Anywho, that's the way it goes sometimes.

I started teaching last Thursday for the jr. high at CdE. The classes have went well. Here, they understand my horrible spanish, so it's easier to teach them. It's definitely different playing a different role in their lives. Today, I taught at Grimac, the local high school here. I teach again in less than an hour, but I had one class today. I only knew one person in the class, Juli. The class didn't go that well. Let's just say that I felt like I was playing the teacher in Dangerous Minds. I had them all say their name, age, and 2 of their favorite things to do. One kid said, "My name is 'f*ck you". At that point, he went to the principal's office and talked to him. I will not stand for that. Anywho, I'm a little nervous about the other class today. Juli said that her class is like that all the time. I have a lot of work to do to earn their respect.

I have been working with Jesus on doing his homework. It takes a lot of babysitting and reminding... asking him when he wants to do it an then forcing him to do it. Yet, in the end he has been doing it. It's been good.

Mikey has started calling me mama... He also calls Adrian papa... He calls other people mama too, and at times, he will call me Ana, Hannah, mama, or even nana. He's so cute though and it's definitely going to be hard on him with me working 53 hours every week between my 3 jobs. :)

Crisel has been learning to read, and she actually knows a decent amount now. I am going to start doing baby books with her to get her practicing more.

I've also been really frustrated because all of Jesus's teachers think he's this horrible kid. Well, to be honest, he has to think you care to have your respect. I don't think he thinks any of his teachers like him. They don't see that he's trying and they can't believe that he is starting to try. Please pray that they will see that he's trying to change and that he'll do better in school. Well, that is it for now. I need to go and get ready for the next class I have to teach.

2008-01-03T12:56:00.001-07:00

Dreams and Interpretations....

Calling all friends that are gifted in this area.

I have had a lot of dreams about Jesus Humberto lately, and a girl from work had one a few weeks ago. She explained it as:

Jesus Humberto got really sick...and the only way that he would be saved from the illness that was going to kill him is if you adopted him.

Here's some of the dreams I had about him on the previous trip:

He wanted to be a firefighter but he said that he wouldn't be able to be one because he's Mexican. Then, after thinking about it, I told him that he would be allowed to be one in the town of Guadalupe. (He was older in this dream.)

Jesus, Mikey, and I were in a store and Jessica and Jose Julian were there as well. The two of them were off somewhere (they were together in my dream), and I was with Jesus and Mikey. I ran into some people that I knew and when I was talking to them, they commented on how good Jesus and Mikey were being as they were entertaining themselves (seperately) as I was talking. I said that they have their
good moments and that they are really good kids. Well, later on in the dream, I looked down on the metal shelves and there was red fire ashes (like right before the fire goes out) lining the edge of the shelves. I found a partly filled water bottle behind them on the shelf and I took it and poured it over the ashes to make sure no fire got started.

(This dream was the night of New Year's Eve after all of the fire incidents during the night explained in my last post.)

Anthony's take on this dream is that I need to encourage him more when it comes to things that he is interested in.

I had another dream where we were fighting a lot. I don't remember about what, but I was just worried that he was going to be mad at me when I woke up in the morning.

Here's Keith's repsonse to my previous post and my friend's dream:

Very interesting. I read your post about the weekend and the part where you sat behind Manuel and Gaby's house with Humberto. He was picking his hand until it bled and you just held it. To me, that represents "blood"...translated as in family. Don't know how this will help you, but it is what stuck out to me as I read your post and then read the email from your friend about the dream.
Thoughts? Interpretations?

2008-01-01T22:56:00.000-07:00

Well, I survived another New Years trip down at CdE! I am moving down there in 3 days, and it is a very exciting and nerve-wrecking time in my life. I will try to give the updates on everything as briefly as possible. :)

Friday.

I went down with Jessica early to do all sorts of errands in Nogales. We got them all down and then got to the orphanage at 2:30. It was weird though because we got stopped by US border patrol before we went into Mexico. They asked us what we were doing down there and asked us where our protection was. It was really weird and I just said that we would be fine. He creeped us out. I wish I took the chance to witness to him a bit.

We got down there and we just played with a bunch of the kids. They all asked if we brought down Under Dog and I told them that I couldn't afford it this trip, so we didn't get it. I spent a lot of time with Adrian as he was going through some processing funk and he needed to talk it out to someone. The rest of the team got there about 7 and it was great to be able to tell the kids "They're here!". They were asking for the others all day, but it was great to be able to get some good ol' quality time without having to think about everyone else.

I played "Fire and Sun", their version of freeze tag. We usually play boys against girls because it's just easier that way. Well, as we were playing, Junior ran into one of their mini palm trees. He got stuck on it due to one of the thorns so I had to push his skin off of it to get him out of it. The look on his face and doing that freaked me out like no other. I screamed for Elsa and made her look because I just couldn't handle it. He was fine, and so I cleaned it and bandaged him up.

Saturday.

I spend a lot of time with Jesus and Mikey. Adrian has been in charge of Mikey, and he needed a break. I played a lot of football with Mikey and Jesus joined in as well. He's so good with him.

It was also the official day of having "heart to hearts". It made it a little draining, but it was good. It went from Dulce to Guadalupe to Manuel de Jesus... There was a little drama there, but it all got straightened out. The next one was with Crisel and how I wanted to help her with her reading and writing. Finally... I had one with the team. I felt like they were spending too much time with each other and their iPods and Zumes that I put more restrictions on them. After a conversation with Adrian, it totally confirmed it and I had had enough... It was probably due to the emotional draining aspect of the day, but I had no idea what the two days ahead would entail.

The highlight of my day was taking Lolita (5 years old on Sunday), Edgar Jesus (6), Elyot (14), and Jesus (13) to Superval and to Super San Jose for tomatoes for the Nana and for candy for the pinata. It was so fun seeing the little ones freak out about everything. Lolita wanted everything of course, but Edgar just wanted toilet paper (besides his normal snack). He also asked the cashier where the tomatoes were and gave the old lady that bags the groceries a tip and said "thank you".

Sunday.

Where do I start? Well, we bought stuff on Saturday with money from Dave (Keith's blogger friend) to make for the kids. We got up 20 minutes after we were supposed to meet the Nana in the kitchen. Thankfully, she was late. We made the kids chorizo and eggs. They each got lots of it with two tortillas, cheese, and lots of hot sauce. I would say half of them got to have seconds and we still had over 100 eggs and 4 packages of chorizo left over that we didn't use. The kids kept saying "que rico" and they loved every bite... Let's just say that there wasn't a single bite left on any of their plates. :)

Later on we had church, and they asked me to pray for it. I freaked out because learning "Christianese" in another language is hard. I really need to start practicing praying in Spanish more, and so I just prayed in English because I was so nervous.

There was a couple (Tracy and John) that came after church to do massages on the kids. Jesus didn't eat lunch because he wanted to get worked on. After waiting for an hour and a half, it was finally his turn. The lady worked on him. I didn't realize it right away becauase I was on Mikey duty while Adrian took a nap with Jared. By this time, Keith had already shown up, so he was due to have some Mikey or Lolita time. :) Any who, back to my boy. So, I get over there and I was asking her about his muscles. She said that his muscles are very abnormally tight and wound for his age. It took her a long time to loosen them and it wasn't very willingly. I told her a little bit about his life and then she decided to have her husband work on him.

When he worked on him, he did this thing called Cranium Seco. It opens up the pathways so that some of the fluids can flow that have been blocked. It causes you to get in such a relaxed state that your brain goes to the deepest parts of it where you hide all of the bad stuff. Sometimes it's unconsciously, but with Jesus, it wasn't. I could see it in his eyes how nervous he was and how they were filled up with water. Unfortunately, there were too many kids around for him to allow himself to let it out. Yet, it was good. He let me just sit there and hold his hand and be there for him. John continued to work on him more after I explained to him what his wife had said. I think he ended out getting worked on for probably 45 minutes to an hour. He didn't really want to talk about it, but he said it helped. The next day, his right arm felt better, and his left one still hurt a little bit.

After that, I tried to keep him with me as much as possible, and he helped me help Crisel with her reading and writing. She's 15 and she doesn't recognize all of her letters or even her numbers 11-20. I worked with her for a while as I was shooing everyone away. Everyone probably thought I was a beast, but she gets really embarrassed about it, so I was doing it for her sake. Next time, I'll do it in her room. :)

Monday.

I decided to help the kids with their chores. First, I helped Ramon Abdiel and Manuel de Jesus with their trash duty. It's fun pushing it in the back part of the trailer with a rake. Then, I helped Jesus de-thorn the mini palm trees. We kept fighting over whose turn it was to use the clippers. So many kids wanted to join in on the fun... It was great.

Then, later, Anthony was kicking all of the kids out of the apartment (like a good rule follower) and he ended out accidentally hitting Jesus in the face. Jesus went off and so I had to go on a hunt to find him. I found him in the back of Manuel and Gaby's house sitting behind their water heater. Anthony apologized and I asked Jesus if it hurt a lot, and he said no. Then, we sat... and sat in silence for a really long time.

He started picking at his hand, but I then grabbed it and sandwiched it inside of mine after I realized that he made himself bleed. He kept fidgeting, but he sat there and processed for a long time. It was really good. There were a few kids that tried to disrupt it, but we sent them on their way. It was then time for lunch and of course he didn't want to eat. Adrian made him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and so he ate that. He ended out eating a lot more later, so I was happy with that.

After being exhausted from de-thorning, watching everyone on the pogo stick, breaking up fights, playing 2 person kick ball with Rosa Adriana, swinging Sofia, and almost having to play basketball with Macario, I was all up for a trip to the store. I took Elizabeth (13), Wendy (9), Luis (9), and Juan Ignacio (8). We got the drinks for the party that night and they all wanted juice. I got 3 5-gallon jugs of orange juice for $1.65 a piece. It was so cute watching them stare out the windows in silence. This time, I had Wendy give the same old lady the tip and say thank you.

By the time it was time for the party, I was more than ready to go to bed for the night... but we persevered. We had a fire pit in the baseball field, roasted marshmallows and put them between cookies. Then, we had a pinata, watched Under Dog (Keith brought it down), had soda, juice, popcorn balls, and of course all the candy. Then, we went outside and did the fireworks, had more fires, and then had poppers with confetti at midnight. It was so stressful trying to watch all of the kids and worry about everything - wondering where all the Americans were while trying to put out fires the kids were starting (mainly my boy) and keeping Juan Manuel from rolling Roberto in a dolly over the hot ashes... But, it was good. I hope everyone had fun, and I think they did.

Tuesday.

I had a good talk with Manuel and I decided to leave my car down there since I will be returning on Friday night. I figured out all of my accommodations for my two weeks before I get my house, and it's good. It's very good.

Well, sadly, that's as brief as I can make it... If you're exhausted from reading it, just think how exhausted I should be from doing it... but I'm not. I wouldn't have it any other way. I love those kids and these are the things that make me joyfully over blessed. :)

Happy New Year everyone... may this be a year where God blesses our socks off and amazes us more and more everyday. :)

2007-12-25T23:48:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas everyone. I know it's late in the day and that it's almost over...but hey - we should celebrate it everyday. This year more than ever, it was easy to forget what we're celebrating. Between family bickering and trying to make Lily feel special on her birthday (sometimes she thinks Christmas is about her - or worse yet, that "she's Christmas"), it gets a little hard. I always hoped that one day I would have my own family and that I would give my kids presents from Jesus... or better yet, that we could give Jesus a present for Christmas. The coolest part about giving Jesus a present is that we can be our presents... He longs to spend time with us and just be with us. He just likes knowing He's welcome. I think so many times He doesn't even feel welcome because we are always trying to make this person or that person feel special. It's not about us or anyone on this earth and I don't know how Christmas turned into a family holiday when it should be about Jesus. Yes, He loves when we spend time and love on our family, but it should never take precedence over loving Him.

Anyway... I'll go ahead and tell you guys what my two favorite presents were. Since... that's the most common conversation people have after Christmas - as annoying as it is.

My top dog present (and I just changed it to three because I remembered that I forgot the one in the number one spot)....is......

drum roll please....

A card from Jesus, the boy I sponsor. He made it when I was down there but I didn't see it until it came in the mail. We don't usually get the one our kid made, but I did. It was pink and it said (in Spanish of course), "With love from Jesus Humberto B. M. for you". If you ever met him, you would know how cute it is when he says "for you" in English... seriously adorable. Any who, in the inside he drew a picture and said "Thank you for your support". It totally touched and melted my heart... Oh, and he did wish me a Merry Christmas as well.

The 2nd most favoritist thing I got was an e-mail from Adrian (my brother in Mexico). I love this boy to death, and he e-mailed me on Christmas Eve to wish me a Merry Christmas. I got it 15 minutes before I left work and so we got to exchange a few e-mails during that time. I was blessed that he thought of it to e-mail me and that I at least got to do that and spend some time with him to celebrate the holiday and tell him that I love him.

The 3rd gift that I loved was a card that Patty gave me. I loved the present inside as well, but it was the words that she wrote on the inside that almost brought me to tears. I am so thankful for her heart and for who she is. She's such a great friend and I can't even express how blessed I am by the entire Kincaid family. Their support and love is huge and they're just amazing people. I'm so blessed by how much I have gotten to get to know them this year.

Well that's it ya'll. Hope you had a great Christmas!

2007-12-22T18:52:00.000-07:00

A day at the park with my niece.....

2007-12-18T11:55:00.000-07:00

Here's a layout of my house. I tried to give the details that I remember. It has two gates into the yard which is really nice. The fence around it is tall. It has a pretty open floorplan, and the only thing that I think is kind of weird is that the main entrance is in the hallway of the bedrooms. But, besides that, I think it's awesome. Oh, and the lady said I could paint, so I am super excited about that. :)

My move in date is January 16th. I think the January trip is that next weekend, so I'm not sure if I will be able to have any furniture in yet to make it comfortable for everyone on that trip. Hopefully, I will be able to be mostly moved in by the end of January.

2007-12-18T07:42:00.000-07:00

If you read Keith's blog, you probably read the part about his co-worker Leslie and how her and her husband sponsor four kids at the orphanage. These kids are beyond happy to have them as their sponsor, and they cherish everything. They didn't want to open the presents in front of us, but they were immediately opened, playing with their toys and sharing with the other kids. It was beyond amazing when they shared their photo album from Paul and Leslie with us. They love that photo album - especially the blown up picture of their mom. Yet, I was completely overwhelmed when I found out that they had a bag of presents to give to their sponsors. The bag said, "Te quiero mucho". The love that is between these kids and their sponsors is obvious and it's absolutely overwhelming since they have only met each other once.

Here are the pictures of Keith and Patty's boy Guadalupe and my boy "Ruco" in their new soccer jerseys that we got them. We got them personalized for free at "Tees and More" on Neely in Gilbert. Sniders (2 suites over) actually personalized another boys for free in the last hour before the trip. The boys loved their new soccer uniforms. We got them each a pair of goalie gloves... and I think both pairs might have holes in them by the time we go down there in two weeks. I have never seen them play so much soccer before. They were using them constantly. Right after Guadalupe got his, he immediately put them on and went to play goalie on the soccer field.

Oh, one quick thing that isn't about the trip... I was showing my mom these two pictures, and when she saw them, she said, "Oh, their boy is cuter". Who says that? My mom doesn't think my boy, Jesus Humberto, is the cutest boy there, but do you really need to compare kids? They are all beautiful, and yes, Guadalupe should be a model, but come on... my boy is pretty darn adorable too. :)

Here is a picture of Miguel David and Jose Ricardo opening their presents from Jen and Obie. They each got their own present and then there was a bag of toys that they had to share.... After much intervention, they did it.

Christmas time can always be hard, but it's amazing at the same time. We brought down gifts for 10 kids that are sponsored by people we know. It's always fun to watch their faces when they open their presents and to see the joy on their faces just for their sponsor "remembering them".

This was Anthony's second time down to the orphanage. He fits right in, and here is a picture of him with Freddy. Freddy is a kid that doesn't always like people. In fact, there have been many times where he hasn't liked me. He was the first kid there not to... It kind of freaked me out, but then I realized it must be pretty good for all of the others to, and that I will never be liked by everyone. Yet, I found out why on this trip... He told Anthony that he didn't like me because the boy I sponsor is mean to him and I still love him. Well... what can I do about that? I had a talk with Jesus about that, but that's all I can do.

Anywho, back to Anthony. I think everyone on the trip was happy to get to know him more, and it was great to see his heart grow even more for the kiddos. On the way back, he mentioned that it seemed weird because he felt like he was leaving home. The kids are permanently in his heart. He also was wondering how we do it... When I asked what, he said, "leave". I don't know how we do it each time... I think I have numbed myself to a certain point just because I know I will see them in how ever many days each time.

Gracie has also been amazing on these trips. Here she is with Johana (who Mike & Evan M. sponsor) and Cristina. She is great with all of the kids, but she's especially wonderful with the teenage girls. They need so much love and attention and are usually the last ones to open up to people. With her speaking Spanish fluently and having the spunky personality she does, they opened up to her right away. It's amazing. She is one of the few people that can actually minister with her words.

Here's a picture of Carolina, Wendy, Ramon Abdiel, Adrian (my brother), and Dulce. They are just too cute that I had to put this picture up here. :)

Here's another too cute to not mention picture... It's of Sofia (in the back), Juan Igncacio, and Humberto Antonio. Antonio only wanted one eye to show. It was a good call on his part, because he looks adorable.

These kids are just too precious for words, and I really don't know how anyone can go down once and not continue to go there over and over again. I really don't understand how groups can go there, hand out presents for an hour, and then just leave. These kids have consumed my heart, and even when I'm cranky and I have a headache for 3 days because I have a pimple on my forehead, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

This trip was amazing. I got to enjoy monkey in the middle a couple of times, play catch with my boy, get my house.... I'll post more on that later...

Oh, one more quick thing. My boy asked me if he could get a present for his teacher Juan. I was so ecstatic that he wanted to get a present for someone and that he didn't just want to be on the receiving end. We got permission and then off we went to Magdalena. It was so much fun shopping with him and Adrian while they were both looking for someone else. Despite my boy being a malcrinado, it was a great time, and I couldn't have been happier to spend money on something like that.

2007-12-13T13:08:00.000-07:00

Please pray.

I found out today that my move to Mexico that "was approved" is no longer approved. I learned last week that there was some misscommication between management that caused this to happen.

Right now, they are going to be working with HR to see if I can become a contractor. IF that gets approved, then I will have to provide my own computer, phone, and possibly benefits.

I have already applied for 2 companies today.

I don't know what to do. I want and plan on still moving down there, but without income, I would obviously have to find another alternative. The worst case scenario for me right now would be to have to go to Nogales, AZ everyday to work... Yet, I could do it.

I refuse to tell orphans that have been abandoned many times that I am no longer going to be living down there. I can't and won't do it.. and more than that, I don't think that is what God would want either.

I am trusting in Him. I wanted there to be some fightback so it would be beyond obvious to everyone involved and that witnesses it that it was only God that could make it happen... So right now, He is definitely in the position to make that happen.

2007-12-09T13:38:00.000-07:00

Church today was awesome. It really spoke to my heart.

Sam B. said that he always thought of thankfulness as "being content with our blessings". I have never thought of it like that, but I really like that definition. It's so true. So many times we don't think that we would need to be content with our blessings. We think about how so many times we need to be content with the things we have problems with. Yet, there are definite times where we have to be content with our blessings as well. Sometimes we just want more and more... but God has already given us so many blessings, that we need to be content in them as well. Go Sam, Go!

Terri also talked a lot about fears and different things that get in our way to pray. See... there are times where God tells me that I need to pray a lot about something or that He will tell me to fast for it. Some of these are times that I already have complete confidence that He is going to see that thing to completion and that He will make it happen. There's no chances - they are definite, without a shadow of doubt plans. In those situations, I get this fear. Fear that if I do pray or fast for that event or situation, that when it does come to completion, that I will take some of the credit for it just because I prayed or fasted for it.

With the fear of pride and becoming like Saul (when he was later eaten by worms)... I don't pray a lot. I hold back. I hold back because 1) I would never want to be eaten by worms and 2) I would never want to be able to take credit for the work that God has clearly done. I know that this sounds stupid, but it's my honest fear.

Now, I wish that I had the truth part about that fear so that I can walk in it for the rest of my days... but I don't know it. I know that it's wrong and that there has to be a way to be obedient and not have that attitude. I know I can pray to not have that attitude, but I don't know what else...

If anyone has any suggestions, I am open to them.

2007-11-26T22:26:00.000-07:00

Kalyn, Jessica, Gracie, Jared, and Anthony

This weekend was a great trip. We got there on Friday at 3 and we went straight to the orphanage. We got to hang out with the kids and then make them dinner. After a week of cutting up broccoli and onions, I was happy to get the ball moving. I wasn't sure when we could give them the meal, but I was happy to do it on Friday night. At about 6:30, we went shopping for some fruit, yogurt, whip cream, seasoning, tortillas, and meat. It was quite an adventure going on the shopping spree, and after going to 2 grocery stores, we finally got it all.

I was beyond blessed and proud of the group as we all worked together and made enough steaks, fruit salad, brocolli salad, heated up the corn bread, and served the kids all within an hour. With the exception of one of the bowls of the broccoli salad having some extra sugar in it, the meal went well, and the kids enjoyed it. The boys really liked the whip cream cans and even said "Ana said I could have it" to Jen when she tried to get the cans away from them that they were cutting open. Trust me in this - it made not a fun little game for the rest of the night and on Saturday morning trying to get the cans from them so they wouldn't hurt themselves or each other with the sharp edges.

It was a slightly rainny and very cold weekend, but it was amazing. We all went house shopping on Saturday and Sunday and it was quite an adventure. On Saturday, we started at one house and each person led us to another. In the end, I think we went to 8 houses with maybe one "prospect" in the end that we had to wait until Sunday to see. After the 3rd attempt to go see this "already furnished house", I think that we were all in agreement that the adventure was for more exciting than the outcome. My boy gave it an absolutely hysterical "thumbs down". He could not stop laughing because I think he thought it was a little hideous to say the least. Anywho, there is one other potential house that is totally cute, close to the orphanage, and is pretty near to being perfect. Please pray that I will get this soft yellow house and that they will rent it out to me.

This weekend was Gracie and Anthony's first trip down to CdE, and they were absolutely amazing. Good thing Gracie has some good reflexes since little Florentino tried to give her some tongue. They are both really excited to come back and plan to on the next trip. The kids loved them to death, and more importantly, the kids received the love that they were pouring out. Anthony reached little Freddy who, quite honestly, isn't the easiest to reach. It took him 4 months to like me. :)

Please pray for Patty and Keith because they will have their work cut out for them with all of the people who have hearts that are growing for these kids that they have so deeply let in.

2007-11-19T10:01:00.000-07:00

This weekend was great. It's becoming more and more real that I am moving down there. I went looking for houses on Saturday with Manuel, Adrian, Jesus, and Jen. There was only one that I considered a true possibility, but they need to decide if they will rent it out to me since they rent it out to a family on the weekends.

I found out that I am only going to be teaching the junior high kids English. It's going to be interesting because (as most of you I sure am already aware) these are the most rebellious kids. The boy I sponsor is in that group along with his friends and so many of the other kids I love. I can already tell you who my best students will be... and won't be. I am really looking forward to it though, and I am excited to be able to play yet another role in their lives. I still have to work it out with Gabriel as to what hour I will be teaching because he's teaching all of the other classes for their age group. Lord, help him!

Keith's friend from work (Leslie) and her husband (Paul) came down this weekend. They sponsor 4 of the kids and they even take on their other sibling to make it 5. We took them and Guadalupe (Keith's boy) to lunch, and boy can those kids eat! We found out later that sometimes kids will overeat due to their past, and since we just found out that their mother passed within the last year, that could definitely cause it as well. The oldest boy (age 9) ate 8 tacos, and they all ate atleast 6. Let's just say that us adults (with the exception 0f one) all only at 4. This can tell you how much these kids overate. Jesus (the one that ate 8) had a horrible stomach ache that night. It was so bad that he shed some tears. I think he eventually got some peptobismol, and he was better in the morning. More than anything though - it was such a blessing to watch them bond with their sponsors. They fit together perfectly, and I think everyone cried when they had to say goodbye. It was an absolutely beautiful bonding time between them.

Paul is actually going to be donating 100 pounds of antelope and deer meat to the kids. What a huge blessing! These kids don't get very much meat, and we're going to use some of it this weekend for when we give them a big Thanksgiving meal.

Jen Pinner came down for the first time as well. It was great watching her interact with the kids and even having her translate for me. She completely fell in love with 2 of the brothers, and it is so amazing watching someone's heart let these kids in. She is thinking about sponsoring them, and so we'll see if her and Obie can work it out. She is already trying to figure out when she can make another trip down.

All in all, it was a great weekend. The kids are so full of love and life, and I can not wait to see them again in 4 days. :)

2007-11-15T11:44:00.001-07:00

So, I had my first sending off moment....

Last night, I told the Prims. I knew it was coming, I tried to prepare myself for it, but really, how do you do that? (besides prayer of course) We did "show and tell" for the first time this year, and then it was my time to do a "tell and tell".

I looked around at all of their eager to hear faces, and I tried to speak. What do I say? How do I explain this? I had no idea... I couldn't plan it, it was too hard. I just said, "some of you already know this, but I need to tell the others that don't know." I looked over at Jennah, and she knew what was coming. I was hoping she would do her little, "You're moving to Mexico?" outburst that she's done at Amadeo and at other events... then it would have helped ease me into it - at least a little bit. Yet, no luck with that.

Then, as I began to speak, I started crying. I could barely get the words out. "On our next Prims night, it will be my last. I am going to be moving to Mexico in January." I went on to explain that I will be with the orphans there, and that the only thing that helps me is knowing that they each have parents that love them so much and that they have people like Ms. Nia and other people that will always show them God's love. I need to go down there so that they know people love them and want to be with them. I explained to them that this is why I didn't know if I was going to do Prims this year, but that I wanted to spend as much time with them as I could, and that is why I did it this year. I told them that I am going to miss them a lot, and that I have known some of them for a really long time, and that this is going to be hard on me to.

I then opened it up for questions... I've babbled on enough through my tears, I needed a break.

They asked me for how long I would be there.... if I could come and visit..... and if I could bring pictures of the kids for them to see. How sweet is that?

Nia then had them surround me and pray for me. Their prayers were so sweet. The hardest part of the praying though was the crying. I heard hard crying on my right side, and I assumed it was Jennah. I looked up at her, and she was just praying and being strong and beautiful - without tears. It took me a couple of looks to figure out that it was Adoniah. She had turned her head away from the group with her arm still reaching out to touch me. I have known her the longest out of her little life. I remember going to her 1st birthday party. Emily prayed that she wouldn't cry and that we could stop crying.... but right after the prayer, she started crying in her seat.

After lots and lots of hugs, we went out to the playground. Rebecca made me a sweet little card and walked around to each of the girls and had them sign it. Grace, Skylar, and Taylor had already left, but she got all of the others. From Anika to Embree to Kailyn and Kat to Grace, Skylar, and Taylor to Cheyanna, Bekki, and Summer. It was hard. However, Johnna, whom I've only known for a few months and tends not to be on the sentimental side, said, "Why is everyone crying". She has no idea how much I've known some of these girls...

Yet, we all made it through the night. At last. They know. I have one more time with them which will be a party, and then I will definitely be trying to find a time to visit them again. Some want to write letters and so I will definitely be doing that. I would love to be any of these girls pen pals. They are going to be one of the hardest parts of going... but I know I must, and once I'm there, I will be blessed.

2007-11-12T07:13:00.001-07:00

As Shane Claiborne affectionally refers to Mother Theresa...here is a quote from "Momma T":

We can do no great things, just small things with great love. It is not
how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it.

It's so true.

Lord, let us live lives of great love Thank you Lord that You are that great Love and that You reside in us and desire to continue to pour Yourself into us.

2007-11-09T13:39:00.000-07:00

No one actually thought I could go down there without posting any pics, did they? Here's just a few:

Florentino - he's so cute. I was having a conversation with a local and he was standing there with us. The guy said, "you think he's cute?". Of course I responded with "Yeah, he's freakin' adorable". When I asked him if he thought Florentino was cute, he responded with "No". I couldn't believe it. Shortly afterwards, they were talking and Florentino told him, "Yeah, she loves me a lot". That just made my day - how cute is that!

Antonio is just too cute. I love this picture of him in his calm state.
Saturday was camo day. I think I started it all...lol. I came in to say hi to all of them and I was wearing my camo outfit. A bunch of the girls all went to get their camo clothes to show me how they have some too. Here's Ruby and Dulce looking as the babes they are in their threads.
Edgar Jesus is totally crazy. I don't know why some of the boys had markers all over their faces, but they did. Yet, Edgar went around on this little bike and kept running into poles on purpose. Everytime we would be pedaling up to one, he would repeatedly say "This is crazy. This is crazy." He's a very interesting little boy that can be super sweet but yet he can also have intense anger issues.

2007-11-06T17:13:00.000-07:00

God is so good.

I am reminded of the last verse in John when he says "Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written." Oh how true is this.

I think about my own life and the lives of those around me. I feel like I could write a 20 book series about my own life and all of the things that He has done for me. God is amazing, and it's in times like these that I am just completely blown away and blessed.

Am I dealing with some tough stuff? Sure. My boy was cutting his arm to give himself a tattoo on his hand, the different teens that go down are going through all sorts of funk. I have some things that I have to go to the Lord for and search out for His direction, but He's working. He's working in our lives, guiding us to where He wants, and He is giving us everything we need.

Honestly, I have been dreading every time I tell someone about my move - because I am waiting for something that will hinder me in some way and it hasn't happened yet. I am waiting - where's the hardship with this one? Where's the trial? Sure, you could consider over a year of waiting a trial, but that's over with - so where's the new one? God has blessed me tremendously, and I am so glad to be able to say that I am free. Emotionally, I am free to be happy now. I have told all the people that can actually be hinderances, and they have all given me their blessings. I am free to be excited and know that this is real. It is going to happen, and I am going to be able to be a teacher, mother, sister, friend, mentor, and a helper to all of those kids down there as they let me. I am blessed.

It's always a good time to think about the books in your life that you could write... What would your series say?

2007-11-05T12:17:00.000-07:00

Update on this weekend.

I had been very anxious during the previous two weeks about this trip. To me, the unknown can be one of the scariest things. I actually had a nightmare about telling Manuel about my move. In the dream, he didn't really care and he didn't have time to talk to me.

Well, once I got down there, I realized two things: 1) His daughter was in town who is away at college and 2) The nana called the police because she thought somebody tried to steal her propane tank. Hmm... could these be some distractions and things that would defer our needed conversation? I think so.

Yet, before he got up, I told my brother Adrian. He was the first one that I told. I love him to death, and I knew that he could keep it a secret until I talked to Manuel. He was really excited. (I actually did have a dream that he would be excited too.)

Then, I told Manuel that I needed to talk to him, but that I could wait until he had time. While he was dealing with the police, I told the cooking Nana. I love her - she's the cutest little thing ever! Oh, and she even hikes the fence to go home. :) Anywho, I explained to her how my bosses said yes, and that I am going to move there on January 4th (Yep, I picked the date). Her response was - "How beautiful" and then she gave me a hug and a kiss. Have I mentioned how much I love her? She's amazing.

Finally, Manuel was done with the police, so I could talk to him. Keith wanted to see his expression, so Manuel was walking in the middle of us. I explained how I have always had the desire to be there as much as possible and that I have been praying to make it more full time. I explained to him how God told me that I needed to wait until He said it was time, and that a few weeks ago, God told me exactly that. I explained to him how I asked my bosses if I could work from home and that they approved it. I then told him that I would like to find a house in Imuris or Teranate so that I can work from there during the day and then be at CdE at nights on the weekends. Once he realized I didn't want to live on the orphanage property, he was excited. He said that it was very wise to not live on the property so that I could have some down time and so the kids wouldn't distract me during my work. He also said, "This is very good. I wish there were more people like you out there." Yay! He's for it. He "approved" me moving down there... He also volunteered to help me find a house. We continued to talk, and he said, "This is actually God. I have been looking for an English teacher, and I have wanted someone from the States. Can you be our English teacher?". My immediate response was "yeah, I can do that". I can start work earlier in the day and make this my "lunch break" so that it will not interfere with my job. It's funny because just the day before, I was thinking about how much I missed being in the classroom and I almost started crying on the playground missing it so much. I also included being a "substitute english or computer class teacher" on my list of things in my head that I could help them out with. Oh, how God answers our prayers and heart's cries in ways we don't even expect.

Finally, I had to tell Jesus. I was the most nervous to tell him, and that's only because I really didn't expect him to have a good reaction. He was actually the only one I didn't have a dream about his response. See, with me moving down there, he is going to have more accountability than he's ever had before - so it might not be a completely happy thing for him. But, as he was sitting underneath the monkey bars on the little wood plank, I sat down next to him and told him I had to talk to him. I told him that I was going to live there in January. His immediate response was "why?". I'm sure there's lots of reasons why he asked that but I just responded with explaining to him about how I will still have my job, I'll have a house in the city, and that I will be his new English teacher. He seemed to be pretty good with it and then he finally understood. I wouldn't say that he was completely stoked about it, but he definitely wasn't upset about it either. This weekend was the happiest I have ever seen him. He was in such a good mood all day on Saturday and Sunday, and we goofed off so much. He is such a beautiful kid, and I love how his little nose scrunches up everytime he laughs.

Some other highlights and fun things on this trip:

We got to do 2 worship songs for them during church. We did "Big House" and "Get Down" by Audio Adrenaline. I briefly explained them in the beginning, but I don't even know if they could hear me over the music, then Raul explained them the songs afterwards.

Someone on the trip, who shall remain nameless, kept pointing out the f word that was in one of the Spanish-English dictionaries, and then I finally ripped it out of the book and shred it into pieces. One good thing came from this though - I now recognize it and know it, so I will be able to respond appropriately when the kids say it. I also learned a new verb - chinar - which means to pester and annoy. It's one letter away from the other word, so I can just tell someone "me chinas" when they speak to me like that... I had some practice with that too.

We watched Bridge to Terabithia with them. I brought that down along with Transformers, and they watched it on Saturday night. I love watching movies outside with all of them. They seemed to like it, and I love that movie because it has quite a few good lessons in it.

All in all, it was a great weekend. I couldn't have asked for anything more.

Oh, I have 4 people trying to find a house for me right now. I am going to try to get a decent sized one so people can stay with me.

2007-11-05T09:22:00.000-07:00

Before I talk about my most marvelous weekend ever.... I want to talk about Friday before I left.

Friday morning started bright and early for me. I woke up at 6:38 after going to bed at 2. I thought Jiffy Lube opened at 6 or 6:30, so I wanted to be one of the first ones there. I got there at 6:55, and I waited until 7 because they still weren't open. When it was finally 7:03, I went to the door and realized they didn't open until 7:30. So, I hit up Albertson's to get some of the items needed for the trip. I still got back to Jiffy Lube before they opened, and I even had time to get a yummy Pumpkin Latte from 7Eleven. Yum. Anywho, after that, I went on the rest of my errands and to do list:

Walmart - to see if they had chicken feed, movies, and a few random other things.
Petsmart - since WalMart didn't have chicken feed
Feed Store - they of course did have the chicken feed and scratch. (I feel like I know something about chickens now - of course after they made me feel stupid.)
Gap @ AZ Mills - to exchange clothes I got from the one in Prescott.
Best Buy to see if they could fix my camera (shutter button fell off - again). With a price of $180, I pleasantly declined their service.
Circuit City - they don't fix anything you didn't purchase from them.
Kits Camera - $240, told me to go to Kelly Camera.
Pure Fitness - paid till the end of the year and ended my automatic withdrawl since I will be cancelling my membership in January.
Dollar Store - had to get some clothespins for Maria since I got the chicken feed for Nana.
Fry's to get the refrigerated foods that I couldn't get at Albertsons earlier.
Checker to get an air filter because Mazda has to have everything so specific to them.

Finally, after all of that, I went home to eat lunch and then went to my mom's class to meet her kids. She's been wanting me to go for 2 years, but I always have so much stuff to do on my days off that it doesn't always work out... Clearly, I didn't have anything to do on this day, so I had time. I spent a good 2 hours in there with her kiddos: Zaeden (her favorite), Nik, Tyler, Gregorie, Lucus, Evan, Davis, and Trent. They are such a cute group of lovable boys and it made me really miss my old kids and working in the schools. It was also great to see my mom interact with all of them and getting to know her kiddos.

Yet, I wanted to talk about something that I saw during all of my errands from store to store. I had the pleasure of watching thousands of people participate in the Breast Cancer Walk. After the 2nd straight mile of watching people walk, I started to cry. I was just so overwhelmed with people's care and concern for the cause, for their loved ones, for the things they did to make it a positive experience, and because of the vast amount of people. I started to pray for them and for the people that they are walking for and for their healing and comfort.

It was weird though. I have never been one to cry. I used to only cry a few times a year (3 or 4 tops)... and now, I cry all the time. I don't know what happened to me to make me more sensitive, but I am glad that I am. I am sure that it is due to the kids at CdE and seeing how they emotionally deal with things. After telling who knows how many boys that it's okay to cry and that it's good for them, I may have just learned that as well. Yet, more than that, I think it's just God. He has helped me learn how to be more sensitive and to see the depth in more things when I didn't see it before. I am able to see the depth of love that people have for others... and even animals. I am able to see the passion that people have and their heart behind it. God has opened my eyes to so many things, and I know they are still closed too much. I can't wait until they're open completely.

Oh, and then after my mom's school, I had one last stop - Walgreens to get a picture of the new girl from the trip before. :)

2007-11-01T11:07:00.000-07:00

Little girls like Lily, in particular, have so much attitude. Here's some updated pictures of her though. It is crazy how fast kids grow up and the different things that they come up with and say.

2007-10-26T09:31:00.000-07:00

Kids... They are beautiful.

Wednesday was a very hard day for Cais because her beta fish, Blue Star, died right before her Stars class. Jen and Cais came over to tell me, and it was so sad. Cais had tears that were flowing down her little cheeks. As we were trying to comfort her, Jennah came over and asked what was wrong. We told her that Cais's fish died, and then she said oh so clearly and sincerely, "Oh, that's so sad." When she said it, she grabbed Cais and gave her a big hug where their little cheeks were side to side. Then Jennah gave me a big kiss squeezing my cheeks so tightly. It made Cais totally bust out laughing, and it was beautiful. Jennah's beauty and innocence made a grieving friend have some much needed joy.

Once we were in Prims, both Kaitlyn C. and Malia got sick and had to leave the class. We divided up into 3 different prayer groups and we prayed. They always crack me up with the prayer requests. Grace wanted prayer that she wouldn't be surrounded by so many boys (in the lunch line, at her desk, etc.). A couple of the girls wanted prayers for their dads' legs and for their dad's health. Two of the kids wanted prayers for their animals (one just had a puppy that opened its eyes for the first time and the other had a puppy that just died). We each prayed for the person on their left, so I asked Cheyanna if she wanted to pray for Cais, Malia, or Kaitlyn because they were "my prayer requests". She decided that she would pray for Cais because she doesn't understand what's wrong with Malia and Kaitlyn and she has had a fish die before so she understands that. Then, she said the most simplest, child-like, cutest prayer ever: "Dear Lord, I ask you to help Cais's fish have a good time in heaven. Amen.". It was so precious, I had to tell Cais.

Later on, after I told Cais about Cheyanna's prayer, I was talking to her about her fish Blue Star. She was telling me about how she could never get another fish because it would just make her miss Blue Star so much. She also told me a story about how her mom cried when her fish died when she was 21. She proceeded to explain to me that she thinks it is okay to cry when your fish dies when you're 8 but that it's not okay when you're 21. It was kind of funny how much she has processed the justification of her own crying at 8 and how she thinks there is a certain age to where it's no longer socially acceptable. There is so much that this beautiful little girl thinks about and realizes - and it is scary how mature she already is.

2007-10-23T18:51:00.000-07:00

Amadeo Women's Retreat

This was such a wonderful weekend. I too often don't get enough "adult time" with Christians. It was so great to spend some quality time with the women and be encouraged. Many people received prayer and were healed. The most interesting was Susan's pain that started in her lower back, went to the front of her hip, to her thigh, to her heel of her foot and then she stomped it out of her foot as Mandy laid hands on her foot. It was the craziest thing to see it go throughout her body but then, it finally left.

The prayer walk on Saturday night was amazing. It was set up in 11 stations.

1 - Mandy prayed for us as we entered.
2 - Names of God - it named all the different names of our 3 parts of our God - Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. We were supposed to pray and ask God to be those things and to add "my" before them.
3 - Worry Station - we put books with different types of worry on them in a backpack so we could feel the weight of it. Then, we prayed for them as we took them out and gave them over to God.
4 - Name that Sin - We then got to sit through and name all of our sins that we struggled with, ask for forgiveness, and ask for the very thing we need to overcome that struggle.
5 - Then, we came to a station that we were able to read the story of when Jesus was anointed with expensive perfume before His death. We left that station with a cotton ball to remind us of this extravagant love.
6 - Nails - From there, we moved to the nail station... Now this is one that really hit me hard. I was reminded of how strong nails are and then how strong God had to make our skin for the nails not to go through it for Jesus to stay up on the cross. The way that God made our hands is amazing. There are so many bones, and they are just so strong... He didn't have to make our hands this strong, but He had to, because He had plans of going on the cross from the very beginning.
7 - Then, we went to a station where we were reminded of how the disciples couldn't even pray for an hour when Jesus had asked them to. There was also a poem there that Sarah G. from VCC wrote. It was a beautiful illustration of how there is nothing we could do to prevent the death of Jesus.
8 - The next station is where we were able to release our sins. We got to put the papers in from the worry and "name your sin" stations into the blue water. It's very freeing to let go of them. Jen said that when she got them at the end of the night, all of the ink was smeared and gone - so it was all illegible. What a powerful demonstration of the forgiveness of sins.
9 - From there, we got to have some quiet time. We just sat there and got to pray and read the bible as we felt lead.
10- The next station is the anointing station. We anointed our eyes, mouth, hands, nose, ears, feet, and knees. I admit it was kind of weird to anoint my knees and even my nose, but I did it. I was reminded of when I was in college and how we had to read a book on the gifts of the Holy Spirit, pray to receive 3 of them, and then write a paper on it. Well, when I read that book, I prayed and asked God for each of the gifts. I figure, hey, why not? It's not like any of the gifts are bad. Also, why would I want to miss out on God's anointing or will just because I never asked for it. Well, I noticed that I kept that same mentality at this station. I had so much anointing oil on my lips it felt like I had lipstick on. I could rub them together like I would if I had lipstick on. Yet, I wanted to jump in and receive from the Lord.
11- The last station was communion. What a beautiful way to end it. So many times it can get to be ritualistic, but that was not the case this night.

This retreat was a blessing, and I was so blessed to be able to spend time with such amazing women and especially with out beyond amazing Lord.

2007-10-23T15:23:00.001-07:00

I'm so annoyed....

So, last week, I took my car in to get my right turning indicator fixed and my fuel pump something or another fixed. They were both under the warranty, so everything was free. Well, they told me that my transmission fluid is brown and that my breaks are almost metal to metal. They told me that my brakes were top priority, that my transmission fluid was #2, and then something or another was the 3rd thing on my list. So, since my dad has always done my breaks, I thought I would have him fix them to save me the $250 it would cost to do at the dealership. My actual brake pads only cost $38 with a lifetime warranty. Yet, because Mazda thinks they are the coolest thing under the sun, they can't use the same tool dies that all other cars use to put the calipers on, and that costs $120. Even better, it takes 5-10 business days to get in. So, yesterday, I had my car towed to the dealership so I wouldn't have to wait 2 weeks to use my car again. I got a call today, and they just told me that "whoever was trying to do my brakes" ended out damaging the left rear caliper and both routers. They are actually too thin to even be resurfaced. Since those 3 parts need to be replaced completely, it's now going to cost $926. My dad agreed to split the cost with me, but it's still going to cost me an extra $220 on top of the $250 for his mistake. I know I probably just sound like an annoying, pouty, whiny daughter, but come on - this is a lot of money - especially since I still have to put out another $400 before my move to fix the other crap. I hate cars.

2007-10-16T22:40:00.000-07:00

Update from last weekend's trip...

There are certain things, that we have to be completely serious about. We have to look at the innermost parts of the heart and examine it.. Hopefully, in the middle of it all, we'll find love.
At Amadeo, this is true. We sandwich people with our love for them.
People's responses can be unpredictable. They might be gitty and accepting.
They might be serious and have to contemplate and process things first.
Or in the end, we may just help bring them complete joy.

This weekend was an amazing one. Patty and I got to pray for healing for Rosa Adriana's headaches. Both her and her twin sister had migraines this weekend. On Sunday, I got a note thanking us for helping her when she was sick and for Patty giving her the pills.

It was great to see how Bryant was being stretched by Alicia stalking him while Shannon was at the store. He handled it well despite her repetiveness and lack of caring of him telling her no. It was also amazing seeing Shannon looking at her standing in the doorway with endearing and loving eyes for this girl that already has made many enemies with the other kids.

My boy reminded me that I can not expect perfection from him. He is trying - he is doing better. He might not be perfect, but neither am I. I really need to learn how to reset my expectations without allowing him to live a life of sin or make excuses for it.

2007-10-15T20:57:00.000-07:00

It's official.... My prayers have been answers, my dreams have become a reality, and I will be moving to Mexico in January.

My boss told me at 9:30 this morning that she had "good news" for me. Well, it wasn't until 5:40 that she officially told me that I got my VPs approval. I can technically start working from home tomorrow, but I'm going to wait. They would like me to work from home until January so that I can be more productive with me going into the office one day a week before the move.

Thank you so much for all of your prayers. I am beyond blessed to have you all as friends. I am still in shock, but I know that God is the only One that can be responsible... and He alone is responsible for working this out. There's a lot more details that need to be worked out, and now it's time to be praying about all of those. :)

2007-10-15T12:06:00.000-07:00

Here's some pictures from my trip... there's lots more, but I just picked some of my favorites. I wanted to give a couple of pictures to show what I was talking about in my last post.

Here's a picture of some of my newest photo objects - leaves. It was such a blessing to take pictures of a different type of God's creation this time. I just kept thinking about the verse how that even the rocks would cry out to give praise and glory to our King.

Beautiful flowers in the sun.

The Great Falls - they are in a drought right now, and this is more of the creek area.

God's magnificent creations.

Park Area
Awesome tree trunk
I love this picture... It reminds me so much of how the living are reaching out to the dead to try to bring them new life... The purple flower to me repsents how Christians should be - almost falling over becuase they want to reach out to the lost so much to save their dead souls.

2007-10-15T12:00:00.000-07:00

I took some pictures while I was driving. Here's a pic of the crowded trees up close.

I just love this picture - the sky is so beautiful.

Here's an updated picture of our beautiful friend Beka - for those of you that were blessed enough to know her before she moved to VA 5 years ago.

I thought this light was just hilarious how they put a different sign for almost every lane. It seems like it's so inefficient to me to not have lights with the left turn arrows and to actually put signs next to the lights just to know what they were for... but this was the situation there more times than not.

Baltimore Harbor at night.

2007-10-15T11:54:00.000-07:00

For the first time ever, I actually took some plane pictures... I was blessed with a window seat on my entire flight home, so I got to take a few.

The first one I love because it is a community that is almost in the shape of a heart.... Oh to be in a community of love. May Amadeo help make that happen.

This is just another picture that shows the crowded trees in this part of the country. It's so beautiful and it looks just as intense from the sky above.

Here's good old AZ or NM compared to the above... What a difference.

I liked this picture because if you look closely enough, you can see the land below inbetween the clouds.

Here are some crazy storm clouds. It is so crazy how they can truly be a blanket in the sky.

2007-10-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

Things I'll miss from VA and MD

Trees so dense that can't see the sun through them.
Toll roads - somehow, they seem to slow down traffic.
The scenary on the side of the highways.
Driving by Frying Pan Rd everyday on my way home.
Seeing dead deer and beavers on the side of the road instead of dogs and cats.
Nicer offices.
Going from the VA-28 to the 276 to the I495 to the 270 to the MA-28 for work and then back again.
Listening to WGTS 91.9 - a Christian radio station here.
Trees so tall that they look like hills.
Groups of trees so thick that they look crowded...so rich that only God could afford to plant so many.
Leaves: purple, pink, yellow, orange, red, green...and brown.
Friends - Beka.

2007-10-09T10:22:00.000-07:00

Sunday, Ben taught about being living sacrifices and how it is our honorable act of worship (or service)... I can't remember right now, but I know everyone knows the verse. :) So, I got to teach the kids about that as well. When I was thinking about worship in particular, I was reminded of how it's a lifestyle and not just something that we do throughout the week. I decided that this week, I wanted to have the kiddos be doers of the word and not just hearers. So, that's exactly what we did.

We started off with just talking about worship - the point of worship, what it is, and how do we do it. We talked a little bit about how different people in the bible worshipped and the lives that they lead. Then, we sang and danced to one worship song - Jump for Jesus. Right when we were going to start the second, a kid had to go to the bathroom. So, we all went to the bathroom. It was a joyous time, especially when one of the little girls tried to use a urinal in the boys bathroom... haha. Anywho, back to worship. We sang another song - Big Big House.

After that, I talked a little bit more about how the women annointed Jesus with the costly perfume and how our actions can be worship as well. Then, I had each of the kids spread out and kneel down with their chests touching their thighs. It's kind of a different version of the fetal position. I wanted them to trust the fact that no one could see them. Then I pleayed "In the Secret" and I told them all to pray. It was great hearing about all the different things they prayed about.

There was a little tiff the week before between two of the boys, so I really wanted to talk about the difference between liking everyone verses loving everyone. We talked about how there are times where we might not like someone, but when we choose to love them and be nice to them, it's a way we can worship God. It was great hearing some of their examples. Noah brought up the Bridge to Tarabithia - and what a great example that bully is. So many times the people that are so mean and harsh are that way because of how hard of a life they have had. It's great to see how some simple acts of love and friendship can change someone's whole dimeanor like in that movie.

It was then time to play somewhat of a game. I told them to all think of a "position of worship". After everyone had one in their head, I told them to go on 3. We did this twice and then I had them do it for prayer. Some kids struggled with it, but it was great to see all of their different poses. I wanted them to see a variety, and they definitely did. It was great when Savana went on her knees but still had her arms crossed - oh how often that position is fitting - ultimate surrender, the fear of what God is going to do, but knowing that He is in control and comforting us.

Finally, it was time to pray. We all sat in a circle and I told them that there would be no passing. I told them about the 4 different types of prayer: adoration, thanksgiving, self, and others. Since we were cutting it close on time, I combined adoration and thanksgiving. I talked about them a little bit and then had everyone go around and pray what they were thankful for. I told them they didn't have to close their eyes or bow their heads, but that we could just sit there. They were thankful for everything from Spiderman and video games to their family, shelter, and friends. I was happy when they said things like video games because I think it's so important to be honest to God and if that's what they're truly thankful for, then He already knows that. Next, I had them pray for themselves. This was really hard for Derek. It shocked me - I thought this day would be the easiest for him. He didn't want to do it, but I made him and then finally, he did. During the first time around, Annah was a little bashful, but she did great the next two times around. It was awesome that Seth prayed that he would become a better man of God. Cais was overly excited to pray for her health issues and asked if she could pray for 3 things for herself - it was awesome. Sam prayed for his headaches. Then, we prayed for other people. I think the best one - even though they were all amazing prayers was Joshua's. He prayed that Derek would feel more comfortable to pray outloud with people. It was so compassionate and beautiful. Noah prayed for Jennah to continue to read more and for Annah in her schooling. The prayer time was my favorite. Even if each kid each only said 3 sentences, they prayed. Well, that was about it... It didn't go exactly as I planned, and I wasn't able to have them complete the last two things I wanted - which was writing a letter to God and drawing a picture to God or of God. But, I think it went well none the less... I am not sure what the kids thought about it though.

2007-10-06T23:20:00.000-07:00

I'm almost off.... Tomorrow after church, I fly out to VA and MD to work for next week. I have one day off so I can spend time with my friend Beka that lives in Richmond. I return Friday at noon and then leave for Mexico at 6. The weekend after that is the women's retreat with Amadeo, so I have a slightly busy couple of weeks. I hope everyone has a wonderful week.

2007-10-04T10:12:00.000-07:00

Here's some weird postings:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20996555/

This one is about a stupid Border Patrol agent... This next one is just plain out weird:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20996503/

And for Keith with his democrat buddies.... check out what this legislator did when giving a lecture:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21122988/

2007-10-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

Here's an udpate on my business proposal.

I just got out of a meeting with my immediate supervisor. Both she and her supervisor have agreed to fight for me and are all for the move. My boss's supervisor is going on a trip this afternoon to my VP's location. She is going to be working in that office on Thursday and Friday this week and hopes to talk to her about it then.

Please pray. My VP is my biggest and only obstacle at this point.

2007-10-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

Last night, I went to the dance class. Really, I only went because Gracie wanted me to go, and so I felt bad if I said no... that's the reason why I do lots of things. Yet, after I started thinking about it, I knew that it would be good for me to go. It would be really stretching. I can do it. So, I went. Please keep in mind, that I have always been one that would not dance. I've never been good at it, and at least I know that. From 18 on, my friends would always give me lots of shots of vodka before we would go to a club. I remember going one night after 7 or 8 shots and I still wouldn't move on the dance floor. I couldn't. My mind was blank, and I just have no idea what to do. I never wanted to copy my friends moves exactly because then that would just be and look weird. Yet, that's just some of the history.

So, I went. It was beautiful to see the planning stage, and to even participate in the warm up and cool down. When I found out that there was going to be a "free dance" time, I got totally freaked out inside. Yet, thankfully Jen got me covered. She welcomed us to copy her or Sharon during this time if we didn't know what to do. I decided to copy Sharon, I really like her style. Also, most people were copying Jen, so it makes it easier if I don't compare myself to everyone else, and it's just one. I got in the corner, and I was free. One time, Sharon saw that I was copying her, and that totally froze me up, but once she closed her eyes again, I went back to being free. It's weird, when I watch people, I can think of different moves. But when I am standing, or in the position to start dancing, my body freezes.

There was definitely an improvement though. I find worship dance much more freeing and comfortable than normal "club" style dancing. haha I think it all has to do with being comfortable. See, I know that despite my lack of talent and giftings when it comes to my singing and dancing ability that God still sees it as beautiful. To me, Him enjoying it, is a miracle in itself. But He does, somehow. Then, it just has to do with the approval from the other people. If I tell Shannon, come on, you can do it... Just dance. Then, I need to be giving it my all too. (She did great, I was just using her as an example.) Yet, it's hard.

On Sunday, I am teaching the kids on "worship is a lifestyle". I think there's another part to it, but I can't remember it. I think that going last night will help me teach it and understand it more. It's easy to teach from my own relationship with God, but when it comes to showing and teaching about all or most of the different types, then it gets more difficult.

2007-09-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

Parenting....

One of the beautiful things of it is that people do it in such vastly different ways, but it all seems to work. People have different types of relationships with their children, and that's what makes them beautiful.

I think about it often as so many parents share their children with me. In Prims, church, and on trips to Mexico, I spend lots of time with kids and teens.

At times, when I think about taking other people's kids across the border, I am shocked. I have had many parents allow me to take their kids across the border without knowing me - or even meeting me. I have had other parents allow me to take their kids with only meeting me for "the drop off". At times, I am honored that they trust me with their kids, but I don't even think it's that. I think it's more that they trust their kids, the friends their child has chosen, and that sort of thing.

Being a nosy person, I like to know everything that is going on. I asked Jesus last year what he got for Christmas from the other groups and he wanted to know why... I want to know every part of his life. My parent type would be "involved"... wanting to see how my "child" would interact in a different setting, different culture, and in that type of environment. Others are satisfied by having a short/long conversation with their kid when they come home.

Now, there are lots of different reasons why some people would not be able to come, but it makes me think. I always like to hear people's input and I do try to understand all types of people - but some, I just can't understand.

Being a mom to orphans (in my own sort of way), I like to see people's reactions when they meet my kids (which soon become theirs as well). In November, there's lots of people going down on the trips, so I had to seperate the two. The first one is for families (Patty & Keith, John K, Robert & Angela, Josh & Shae, Leslie & her husband, and another couple). They are all bringing their kids, and it's going to be awesome. The second trip is for the 15 teens that are coming down (and Patty & Keith - can't do it without them). I was explaining this to Madi today to prepare her for not going for 6 weeks since she can only go on the 2nd trip. I told her who was going, and she was so bummed when she found out she can't see Trinity interact with the kids. Right after that, in walked Angela into Barro's. Crazy. Anywho, I feel bad for her, especially because I will be able to see it.

In speaking to Keith today, he said that he and Patty would be willing to lead trips down there without me. I have no doubts that they are more than able to lead the trips, but I don't want to miss out on any time with those kids. They come first, and so to me, there's no reason not to go on a single trip down there.

Anywho, thank you to those of you that allow me to spend time with your kids and sharing them with me. It's an honor and a privelage. I am so blessed. Oh, and thank you for also being examples to me in how to parent and cherish children. Love you all.

2007-09-29T20:21:00.000-07:00

You'll have to check out Ben's nephew's blog. He actually set it up pretty niftily. If you go to http://www.jeshuacloud.com, it automatically takes you to http://jeshuaworld.blogspot.com. He has a fancy Mac. According to his mom, Tiffany, he'll do even more with it once he's not grounded from it anymore. I have to say, his two videos on there right now are pretty good.

2007-09-27T22:39:00.000-07:00

Here's a half-way update... I finished writing my business proposal (with the editing genius of my favorite journalist friend Jen). I have given it to my immediate boss (the only one that knows about it). Tomorrow she's in meetings all day, and Monday and Tuesday I am testing all day... so Wednesday morning we have a meeting to go over it and see if there's anything she thinks we should add or take out. After that meeting, we'll edit it if needed and then give it to the decision-making bosses. So, hopefully by the end of next week, it will be in the right hands and the waiting game will begin.

I have peace about it either way. I know that this is the time to be giving it to them, so this will just let me know if Insight will be my ticket or not...If it's not...then I can't wait to see what doors will open up to me. If it is, then praise God, one less thing to worry about...

2007-09-25T06:51:00.001-07:00

First...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OBIE!

Now...
As I was driving home from the gym this morning, I saw a bumper sticker on the car in front of me that said, "It's not God that I don't like, it's his fan club that I can't stand." On the way to the gym, I was behind someone that had one that said, "Endless war" with the "less" crossed out and with "this" above it. In the end it said, "End this war". They also had some typical World Peace stickers and even one that said, "Iraq for sale".

I can get so pissy when it comes to these things. For one, I know Christians make a lot of mistakes. I make a ton. I can be really rude and mean to people just because I'm cranky. Yet, to say that shows you believe in Him but you choose not to follow Him. That's just crazy. On the ones with the war and world peace... I might not agree with every part of the war, but I support our troops and our President's decision... I also know that there is no such thing as world peace if we're going to have any sort of diversity and let anyone have any decision making freedom. Sometimes, we have to have wars so in the end the people can have "peace" amongst themselves, possibly with more of their surrounding neighbors, and then with the rest of the world. Anywho, there's my two cents.

2007-09-24T06:35:00.000-07:00

The time is almost near. It seems crazy to even think about, but it's time. This past week, I have had this urgency and I decided to pick a date - January. I hope that I will complete the move by then. Thursday I talked to my boss to see if there was even a chance and she said yes - but that we need to write a business proposal to get the others on board. I am very nervous as I have never wrote a business proposal and I'm kind of unsure of how you even do it... but I hope to get it completed and give it to them by the end of this week.

Yesterday, Joel's sermon really hit the spot. I can completely understand his heart for the Native American people, because I have that same heart for my kiddos (that I share with many others). I'm sure everyone's asking what kids right about now. :) I also completely understood what he was saying about the whole checkmark thing. I am constantly trying to work on all of the steps at the same time. I am glad that Jay prayed against that because it comes way to naturally to me and it's keeping me from wondering about C and D before I even complete A. The business proposal is A... Also, when we were praying, Randy said that he felt like God was telling him that I was becoming the prayer that I prayed for. This was a really powerful line in Joel's talk and I was really hoping that that was becoming true in my life. It was really amazing to get that affirmation. It was also absolutely adorable that little Sam came over to pray with us. Kids are so precious.

Anywho, I wanted to let everyone know what was going on. I appreciate any and all prayers that I get. I'm kind of talking in code since some people from work have found this site before... I don't think they check it, but still. I think everyone can figure out what it's about though. :)

2007-09-21T15:02:00.000-07:00

If you didn't get to read Bryant's post from Sunday/ Monday regarding Francisca, then I would strongly recommend it. It's awesome the little role that he was able to play in her story.

This weekend was one of highs and lows, but Francisca was definitely the highest of the highs. In church on Sunday, there was a guest speaker. At first, I was a little taken back because he talked so loud. I heard the chuckles of some of the teens that came with me as they were overwhelmed by his joust of "Gloria a Dios!". He calmed down in parts, but you could just see the passion and faith in this man. He talked about salvation, heaven and hell, and how to live your life for God while you're here on earth. For the first time ever, I actually understood over 50% of the lesson. It was really good.

At the very end, he basically made an alter call. He said that if anyone wanted to come forward to state their faith in God. Francisca went up without hesitation. She repeated after him the prayer - a bit lengthier than the normal - but it was beautiful. She prayed for God to come into her heart and into her life and that He would cleanse her, wash her, heal her, and help her throughout her life. She thanked Jesus for dying on the cross and all of the normal things that we are so thankful for.

After the prayer was completed, he had people come up to say congratulations. Everyone got in a really long line to tell her congrats on her salvation. I yelled to all the Americans "get up and get in line to tell her congratulations for accepting the Lord into her heart". I think Jared got in line 3 times to tell congrats. She is beautiful girl, but she was so much more radiant while she was praying and proclaiming her faith. You could see her shine and glow with His light in her. It was beautiful. Waking Fernando up who had been sleeping on me the entire time was worth telling Francisca congratulations. There's nothing more beautiful to witness and there's nothing that is more worthy of being celebrated.

I was going to get her a bible and have all of us sign it, but I decided to do the right thing instead. I told Colene and she's going to share the exciting news with her sponsor. I am sure that her sponsor will jump on the opportunity to get her a new bible and that it will be another great bonding experience between them.

Praise God. His work is being proclaimed and people are joining our already huge family of believers. :)

2007-09-18T10:56:00.000-07:00

Happy Independance Day!!!

Here's lots of pics from the night.

Ride pictures

Jared, Jesus Guadalupe, Mikey, & Ramon Alfonso
Jared, Zamaira, Kalyn, & Elyot
Jesus Guadalupe, Mikey, & Ramon Alfonso
Kalyn, Jordan, and Bryant
Patty

2007-09-18T10:52:00.000-07:00

Elyot and Jesus Guadalupe

Hanging Out Pictures

Lupita and Mikey
Mikey
Zamaira, Lupita, & Jose Julian
Kalyn, Jose Julian, & Madi

2007-09-18T10:46:00.000-07:00

Mario Cesar & Marlin Suzeth
Jordan, Kalyn, Patty, Ryan, Shannon

Jared

Nora, Bryant, Mario Cesar

Watching the Fireworks

Their expressions were more entertaining than the amazing fireworks.

Nora & Gabi

Ryan & Mikey

The amazing stormy sky.

2007-09-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

An update on my boy....

Two weeks ago, I told him that he had to be good for the next two weeks in order to go to Magdalena with us for the carnival. He said, "OK, OK, I will be.". He knew the conditions of him being able to go.

When we first got down there, I talked to him. I asked him if he had been good for the previous 2 weeks. He said, "Oh, more or less." I asked him what he did, and he said not a lot. I continued to tell him that he needed to help out more and do his chores. I told him that he wasn't able to go last year because he had been bad. Then HE said, "and now I can't go this year because I was bad again." He knows... He does.

I talked to Manuel and asked him who we could take. He said that Jesus could go. I asked him how he has been, and he told me about how he was not going to school and playing video games at the store instead and gambling. He also said that he, Johao, Abraham, and Francisco Ramon had been taking stuff from the orphanage and trying to sell them in town for money. They even tried taking copper piping that connects to the gas stove. After Manuel told me about all of that, then I said he couldn't go. Manuel was happy with the decision, and then we discussed who we would bring... I'll post later this week on that.

I found Jesus and I told him about the conversation with Manuel. He was playing foos ball and I started asking him why he was doing those things. He said that he was only playing the games on recess and that he didn't sell stuff in town. He wouldn't say which ones of his friends were, but he denied it. I asked Adrian to come over "to help me yell at my boy". Jesus just laughed when he heard me say that... He knows more english than he portrays.

About a half hour later, his best friend, Cristian, came over to me and asked me about it. He said, "Manuel said yes and you said no?". Yep. He wanted to know why and I explained it to him that even Jesus said earlier today that he wouldn't be able to go because he had been bad. I asked him if Jesus was angry and he said yes, so I went and talked to him again. I explained to him that I love him lots and that I would want him to come, but that I can't. He needs to do good to be able to do those things and I can not reward him for being bad. He kept saying, but Manuel said I could go... Then I explained to him that Manuel only said that because Manuel wanted to make me happy - not because he deserved it. We then made a deal (even with a handshake) that if he was good for the next 4 weeks, then we can go to his favorite restaurant and to Magdalena. He tried to cop out and say, and if I'm bad, then we will only go to the restaurant... I said, negative - it's either both or nothing.

I have to say, it's hard being a parent. I know that I'm not a "full time" parent, but man, sometimes I feel like it. Marlin is right... I can say no, but it's hard for me. I feel bad. I stand behind my decisions because I was always annoyed that my mom didn't. Yet, it's hard. He has friends that will defend him and back him up like no tomorrow. I'm sure he feels like he needs them because he's so small that he can't defend himself physically. I try talking to all of the boys about how they need to make better decisions - it's hard, but they know what's right.

I heard this song today on Air1, and I thought of my boy. He has all of these insecurities inside his "somewhat tough exterior" and I just don't want him to have to keep up all the time... I'm going to write him another long letter, and I'm going to include these lyrics.

Crazy beautiful

by Chasen
From the album – Shine Through The Stars

Everybody’s been there
everyone’s the same
but mostly we don’t care
isn’t that a shame

We bring us down face after face
the inside is beautiful
but the outside we want to change.
We want to change.

Chorus
Whoa you’re oh so beautiful,
you don’t need anyone’s approval
You’ve got to believe in your self
you know you are
You’re crazy beautiful

There's no need to change
We're different but the same
In the eyes of the King
We're beautifully made
In his image we're made

Take a look it’s all around you
See the world from different views
The way you shine from the inside
I know with out a doubt
It’s more than what you’ll be
In the world’s eyes.

Whoa you’re oh so beautiful,
you don’t need anyone’s a approval
You’ve got to believe in your self
you know you are
You’re crazy beautiful

2007-09-12T15:46:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't want 4 boys doing their hair? You can see that they were doing a wonderful job and I was really enjoying it.
Here's Johao, my boy (Jesus Humberto), and Abraham. There is less than 8 months seperating all of these boys in age, and my boy is the youngest. You can see that he's growing at the same speed as the other two boys.

On our last trip, we had Polaroids taken of our group when we were in Magdalena - for a great deal of $5 each... Yes, 5 American dollars. 2 of the other boys said they wanted one, but Jesus didn't. Later that night, when we were talking, he said he wanted one of the pictures. He wanted the one that Ramon had, and I told him he couldn't because it was Ramon's. He then said, "but, it makes me look big." He was right. He did look big since I was kneeling next to him... He was maybe 4" taller than me when I was on my knees (and that's stretching it). For the first time ever, he admitted to me that he somewhat has a problem with being short... I felt so bad for him, but there's nothing that we can do. Poor kid. :)

2007-09-12T12:24:00.000-07:00

I've Been Tagged

I've Been Tagged...I have been tagged by Mindy at http://www.straussfam.blogspot.com and here are the rules of this tag...

* You have to post these rules before you give the facts.
* Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name.
* If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
* When you are tagged, you need to write your own blog post containing your own middle name game facts.
* At the end of your blog post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag.
* Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged & to read your blog! of this tag...

My middle name is Marie.... barf. Anywho, here it is:

M - Made to be a mom to orphans.
A - Amazed by the work God has done and the amount of love He has.
R - Realizing how little I am in this world.
I - Incredibly sick of my job and hoping they fire me.
E - Easily exhausted when I'm plain out lazy.

I'm tagging:
Ben at http://www.prayingmantis.blogspot.com
Keith at http://www.blindsiderawks.blogspot.com
Kent at http://www.bitsofoz.blogspot.com
Shannon at http://www.aroseblooming.blogspot.com
Emily at http://www.emilykaypeters.blogspot.com

2007-09-10T12:52:00.001-07:00

This weekend is going to be crazy... There's lots of people going. The definites are: me, Patty, Shannon, Jared, Madi, Ryan, Kalyn, and Bryant. The ones that haven't confirmed yet are: Jordan & Jared G., Marc & Andy C., Stephen & Meridith B., Kellie (Madi's friend), and Ryan & Deanna from another group. We might have 17 people going - it's crazy. We might have to take Shannon's car afterall, if at least two people don't come, then we'll just take mine and Bill's.

I wanted to share about a conversation I had with Jesus on the last trip, just because it's slightly entertaining:

Me: They didn't have needle and thread at SuperVal and I asked the people at the Oxxo too, and they said all the stores are closed, so we'll need to go get it in the morning.
Jesus: Okay, but I want to go with you. Just me and you. Can it be just us that goes?
Yes
Just us?
Yes, just us
(all the other boys stopped asking after this point)
Will you buy me a remote control airplane?
No, you don't need one.
Well, maybe for Christmas.
Yeah, for Christmas!
Wait, can I have an iPod for Christmas instead?
Why? There's no way for you to put songs on it because you don't have a computer.
Yeah, there are computers at my school and in town that I can use.
But you will take money from who knows who to buy songs to put on it.
And when you have an iPod, all you do is listen to music.
Yeah, okay. (finally he understood and agreed)
How about a horse? For school. (he couldn't stop laughing)
Shut up, no.
He gets out his school schedule and shows it to me. We discussed his classes for a bit.
Will you help Ramon Abdiel with his homework?
Yes
Angel and Jesus, will you please help Ramon learn how to read? Now that Juan Ramon is gone, I need you to help Ramon Abdiel how to learn.
Angel: no
Ramon Abdiel: Angel doesn't know how to read.
Yes I do.
Jesus, get something out from school so Angel can read.
Ramon, try to read it.
I can't.
Angel?
No, I don't want to.
Jesus, Angel knows how to read, right?
Yes.
Okay, Jesus, will you please help him with his homework and help him learn how to read?
Yes, I will.
Thank you.
On your next trip can we go to Palo Verde? (it's his favorite restaurant)
No, it's a crazy trip with a lot of people coming and it's Mexico's Independance day. We take a bunch of kids to Magdalena for it.
Can I go? Can Cristian go?
(meanwhile 5 other boys are listening and asking to go as well)
In two weeks, I will talk to Manuel.
But can me and Cristian go?
In two weeks, I will talk to Manuel.
You need to make sure that you are good for the next two weeks so that you can go.
Okay, I will.
Okay, go to bed. What time to you want to to the store tomorrow?
Early.
Okay, good night.
Good night.

I had another conversation with him on the first day about the letter I sent to him. It's great to actually be able to have long important topical conversations with him now. I think I am somewhere inbetween a 3 and 4 year old level with my spanish, but hey, I have to start somewhere, right? It will be interesting to see how this weekend goes, because there is definitely a mix of people.

Oh, and there's another church that wants to partner up with us on a trip too. It's still being discussed, but it might happen for the October trip. Woohoo!

2007-09-08T19:36:00.000-07:00

Because I'm a dork, in my spare time (while kids are sleeping and I have nothing else to do), I enjoy googling Imuris and CdE to see what I can find. At times, I have found old pictures of kids that are there and even brought them down to then... Anywho, there's some good reads at the following link:

Commonwealth Adoptions

2007-09-07T15:18:00.000-07:00

Here are all of the teens that are in prepatory school. This is the equivelant to our high school, but it's different there. It's 3 years long, and in the last year, they only take classess in their "major". I am so proud of them for going to prepatory school, because it's not something that everyone does. Some people consider themselves done after secondary, and never complete these years. From how I understand it, you only go to prepatory school if you plan on going to college.

Manuel asked me to take pictures of them so he could send them to someone. I was honored to do so, and I have created this collage poster that I will be bringing down next weekend to put in the office.

2007-09-06T07:56:00.000-07:00

Marlin & Nora

Here are two of the beautiful older girls. They have both been down there for years. I never saw Marlin for the first 6 months of going down there until Ben & Noah came down and she started sharing her story and photos of her family and quincineta with Ben. Nora knows english, and I met her on my first trip in March when she bonded a lot with Beka Knott. They both play the violin and practice diligently to improve their natural talent of music.

This past weekend, we didn't help out in the kitchen as much as we normal would... Yet, when Keith and I helped out on Sunday night, it was a total blast. Marlin is a girl that takes responsibility very seriously, so when little kids come up with their cute little pathetic puppy dog faces and ask for an extra slice of lime, lemon, or an orange, she says no. Yet, I try to sneak it to them and hope they think I am ignorant to the rules. Well, let's just say she totally called me out on it. She told me that I do not have the ability to say no when the kids stick out their bottom lips and say please. To make her point even more, she started to ask me for oranges and would imitate them. I kept telling her no and told her that I can do it. We continued playfully arguing as she was trying to teach me a lesson, and then after the kitchen was clean, and the oranges still were not passed out, Keith and I left. She then sent someone to come get me and tell me that I needed to help pass out the oranges. I went back to the kitchen and then told her that I will not help because she thinks I can not say no. It was so awesome, and we were laughing and yelling so much at each other. It's crazy, because it's times like where I realize that all of the kids pay attention to us, even when we're not necessarily spending time with them. I try to always spend time with her, but there are quite a few times where it just doesn't happen for some reason or another.

Nora... oh how everyone fell in love with her back in March of '06. I rarely get to spend time with Nora because she is in charge of the little kids a lot (so is Marlin really) and so the time with both of them is split because I'm trying to spend time with all of them as well - and face it, how much quality time do you get with people when there are little kids climbing all over you? Anyways, between that and all of their violin performances, my time with them is scarce. Yet, this weekend, the other group was taking 19 of the older girls to where they were staying for a meal. We thought there was going to be other things as well, but not so much. We didn't eat until 7:45, so we had over an hour and a half just to entertain ourselves. I spent a bunch of that time with Nora. We played Chinese Checkers and then just sat and talked in the chair for a long time. I learned about how she is going to be taking Italian and French this year in school and how she is going to major in languages in high school. I learned so much about her life and we went back and forth from speaking in Spanish and English, and it was just such a beautiful time. We also read a really weird story about pigs in a magazine, and we laughed and told stories.

These girls are beautiful on the inside and out, and spending time with them this weekend was such a tremendous blessing. They are two that will be there for a long time - they don't have the hopes of going home someday, and I am so thankful for all of the time I got to spend with them.

2007-09-05T09:33:00.000-07:00

I am going to post a couple different blogs this week about different kids at CdE and the little sweet moments that we had over the past weekend. To start... I'll start with the youngest.

Mikey

Mikey is about 14 months old. I'm actually not sure of his exact age. He and his brother have been there since June.

This past weekend, I changed his poopie diaper at least 4 times. Now, you might be wondering why I would be mentioning this in my "sweet memories" of him, but let me try to explain something to you first. As long as I have ever changed diapers, I have always thought about the day that I would be changing my own kids diapers. I always thought it would be so cute if a little baby would say "ahhh" when someone changed their diaper. I always pictured the astonishment and joy on some person's face if a little baby was in the nursery and said it to them as they completed the dreaded task. Well, this past weekend, I tried it with Mikey. When I was changing his diaper, I said, "Dices ahhhhh". Sure enough, he did. It was the cutest thing ever. We did it over and over. Think about it... A new diaper has to be so refreshing to a baby, and it is definitely refreshing to whoever is changing them... it just seems to fit... at least in my head. :)

Okay, here comes another cute thing to me but gross to most normal people. If you know me well, then you've probably seen me clean some kids face. I don't care if it's eye crusties, boogery noses, or something else on their face. Well, Mikey had some crusties, so, I got them out. What was so cute though, is that after I was done clearing up a nostril, he would reposition himself and squeeze me oh so tightly around my neck. It was the best hug ever. He does that sporadically as well, but it's just extra cute after doing something like that.

On Sunday morning, I got to put him down for a nap during church. It's always so cute watching kids fall asleep. Later on that afternoon, I found out that he was looking for me. He used to call me Ana, and sometimes he messes up and calls me Nana, but it's still so so cute.

Of course, he does all the other cute and adorable things that one-year olds do, but those are the main things right now.